cerd2000

Hi,

I already posted my first thread a few weeks ago here in this forum section.

Only very recently I offically admitted to myself that I'm an alcoholic and I have a serious problem.

Now I'm a little overwhelmed and confused and I don't know what's the best and most appropriate way to battle my addiction. I also wonder where new users are supposed to write it in this forum? The newcomers section or alcoholism section or somewhere else? It seems like a really big forum to me.

At the moment I live a pretty miserable life. I live with my parents due to unemployment (Corona) at the embarassing age of 30. Other than my therapist nobody knows about my alcohol addiction. Im hiding it very well.

I'm in therapy for many years already (originally for other reasons than alcohol, but alcohol now became my main problem), but it doesn't really help. I got a lot of other mental issues like depression, suicidal tendencies and several non-substance addictions, all existing since my youth, but alcohol became dominant and it's only getting worse and of course fuels all my other mental problems. I feel like I have to take action now or this addiction will slowly kill me.

I don't drink that much yet (3-7 beers a day), but it's getting worse by every month and I feel physical effects already, because I can't sleep more than 4-6 hours a day since over 5 years and every week my depressive and suicidal thoughts increase. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind because of all the insomnia and all the dizziness. I'm on no medications other than Xanax (rarely and only if I have a severe panic attack, which happens maximum twice a month, on average I take one pill every 4-5 weeks).

I live in a relatively large town. There are AA meetings. There are psychiatrists. There are mental hospitals. I'm broke and unemployed, but because I live with my parents I have no expenses at all at the moment. I have health insurance that would cover all non-private treatments. Because of Corona I probably wouldn't even have any negative impacts for my CV, because it's not unsual to be unemployed at the moment. So this is the perfect time to do something against this addiction. But I don't know how to start? My therapist is not helpful. Should I just go to a random AA meeting? Or better directly to a psychiatrist (I've never been) ? Or even directly admit myself to a hospital?

I've never consulted a doctor, because I'm scared ******** of taking anti-depressants because of their side effects (like SSRIs) and so very ashamed of all this. Nobody knows about this. My friends probably will understand, but I'm sure my parents will freak out. How did you start taking measures against this terrible addiction?

Thank you for every advice.

Rsanchez920

If it were me I would give meetings a go a few times to see if its something you can relate to. It's not for everyone but for some its a game changer.

I recently got into free podcasts on Spotify about sobriety that have made me understand better how I got as low as I've gotten and evaluate my life...one of them is called sober curious but if you search there are many

Some people post daily for accountability or on the weekly threads....it can be helpful

I am also new in my journey but I wish you the best!!

Orchid1

Hi Cerd,

I'm glad you've decided to take control of your life, this here, posting here is the right place. There are so many knowledgeable people on here rooting for you I'm sure you will get the information an support you need. I just started my recovery a few months ago and currently just finished my first 26hrs since my recent relapse. From talking to people on here and reading other's experience and wisdom, the first thing to do is DO NOT DRINK, take it an hour at a time if you have to just commit yourself to not picking up the next drink. Welcome! Glad to have you!!

least

You could start by pouring out any alcohol you have. Pour it all down the sink and don't buy any more. Get thru the physical withdrawal and make a plan for staying sober. An important part of my plan, when I got sober, was reading and posting here every day.

You can post here instead of drinking. If you feel like drinking, post about it so we can try our best to talk you out of it.

A lot of AA meetings are on hold due to the virus. But I'm sure if you look online, you can find some online meetings.

I hope you'll utilize all the resources you can find here and use them to help you get and stay sober for good. It might be a struggle at first, but the peace of mind of sobriety is well worth the effort it takes to get there.

Misssy2

Use all of the resources at your fingertips..If you don't like your therapist change to a new one.

Sounds like you are someone who is open to AA....I would try that...because i met my best friend in AA...it feels wonderful to be in a group of people where you are automatically accepted...and you will learn so many tools to use when a craving comes along.

Also, if you like weight lifting or working out...I would start a routine with that....exercise really helps to set the mind and the "insomnia" straight.

You already took the first step to helping yourself...admitting you have a problem and also spilling your guts on here....
Looking forward to seeing how you progress in happiness and health in the coming days and weeks.

ps. My 30 year old son lives at home. It is nothing to be ashamed of and many people your age in these times are having hard times making ends meet...After you build a little more confidence in your sobriety....than you can make a goal for yourself of when you will find the job that suits your abilities...and a plan to get your own place again....You won't live with them forever so enjoy the benefits while you can...Also, do what you can to help around the house....taking out garbage...cutting the lawn...etc...it will also make you feel better about yourself.

brighterday1234

Surrender 🙏

biminiblue

Yeah, what they said.

First things first.

If the house is on fire don't fluff the pillows, get out of the house.

So don't have any more alcohol. Make it your mission to go to bed sober today.

I think therapy will be a lot more helpful if you quit drinking.

Obladi

Hi Cerd,

3-7 beers/day is "that much." A non-addicted person would be incapacitated from that much drinking.

I agree that the first order of business is to stop drinking. If you can not do that on your own, definitely get yourself admitted to a rehab. That will give you a physical barrier against drinking and allow you to start focusing on your underlying stuff. For people like you and I that have those base issues even before having a drinking problem, it's a long hard journey to get better. Stopping drinking is just the beginning.

It sounds like you need a new therapist. There are therapists that specialize in addiction - you might want to consider looking for one of those. I'm not sure if they all deal with dual-diagnosis patients, but it sure seems to me that most of them do.

I'm glad you're here. To save everyone from a wall of words, I sent you a private message.

O

Dee74

Some good advice here Cerd

My basic rule of thumb is whatever keeps me from drinking is a good thing.
Throw everything you have at this - every bit of effort you put in you'll get back tenfold

As far as posting goes - don't worry about how biog or busy Newcomers forum is - we aim to answer everyone who needs help

Anna

It can be a bit overwhelming at the start, but I think you should do whatever you think will help. Do anything and everything you can to not drink. I started to heal by stopping drinking.

My suggestion is to talk to your doctor. You said you have depression and suicidal tendencies and that's something your doctor might be able to help you with. I was depressed for many years before I began using alcohol to self-medicate. I wish that I had talked to my doctor at that time, rather than turning to alcohol. I do take anti-depressants and I have no side-effects at all. It's something you might think about.

D122y

Everyone is different, so my 2 cents might seem like a Republican trying to convince a Democrat that Trump is a great President.

in turn...

In my experience, you are not very addicted as far as amount of booze or meds. You are also young.

The body bounces right back at that age, but with that comes a hellish crave because...why not...i bounce right back.

That is the hell of addiction.

Until my mental and physical state was so horrid I had almost no choice but to quit...I could not do it.

But, you have SR. At 30, I didn't think my problem was anything.

If I was living at home, and unemployed, i would consider myself my parents house keeper.

All day long, for at least 6 hours, 5 days a week, I would take care of everything. Dishes, sweeping, trash, bath rooms, laundry etc etc.

They would not have to raise a finger.

With any extra time, I would find a job, any job. I know that is easier said then done though.

When I found a job, I would pay my parents a small amount for rent, then I would save up for my future.

I would pay them 10% of what I made and bank the rest.

The longer I wait to build a retirement nest egg, the harder it is.

A long range plan is to finish school, if you haven't, then find a better paying job.

I love jobs that offer pensions. Government jobs are good for this. E.g. Work for the VA. The VA is the second biggest budget item next to the DoD.

Since you have experience with addiction, that profession might be a good fit.

I don't know your mental state regarding meds, so if you need them, you need them.

But, the booze can go forever. It is only making everything worse.

We are not born addicted to beer, usually. It is learned behavior.

Hope this helps you and I am positive your parents will appreciate your help as well.

Thanks.

LumenandNyx

[QUOTE=cerd2000;7494991] So this is the perfect time to do something against this addiction. But I don't know how to start? My therapist is not helpful. Should I just go to a random AA meeting? Or better directly to a psychiatrist (I've never been) ? Or even directly admit myself to a hospital? [QUOTE]

Hi,

Any action to quit drinking is better than no action. It looks like speaking with your therapist about this is off the table so what options are left? The best way to tackle this might be to list your options, and then start crossing them off. The process of elimination is a wonderful thing. Regardless what you do - DO SOMETHING.

Ideas are fantastic, and they're also useless if we don't act on them.

MaximusD

I would just add that you definetly should talk to your doctor. Trust me, doctors have seen it all and wouldn't even bat an eye at you saying you are an alcoholic. If anything they will respect you more.

cerd2000

First of all thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it! To be honest I don't think I can quit this addiction without external help. I very much like the approach suggested that I should just try any possible option and cross them off my list. After all, what is there to lose?

My therapist is not very helpful. It's certainly better than nothing, but I feel like I didn't have a good vibe/connection since the very beginning. And I think that's the most important aspect of any long-term therapy, isn't it? I also think my therapist is incompetent and doesn't know enough about addictions and suicidal thoughts. If you see a therapist once per week, shouldn't you fully and without exception trust him/her and be able to talk about any problem and get useful feedback/instructions?

I tried switching to other therapists many times already, but my health insurance always declined. If I don't have permission from my insurance I have to pay in cash privately and I can't afford 140$ per session. I might be able to if I'd have a regular job, but at the moment I'm still stuck. If I want to change I either have to take out a loan or find a decent paid job.

I have a Master's degree in economics, but always only worked in poorly paid, under-qualified jobs so far in my life, because I always thought I'm incapable of working in more demanding jobs due to my alcohol consumption and insomnia. This aspect about my professional life is a vicious cycle and one of my core problems. I feel depressed because I work in jobs that I absolutely hate, so I drink even more. But because I drink, I feel worthless to apply for better jobs. Very bad. This thought and behaviour have been going on since the last 3 years.

AA meetings are an option in my city, but I fear for anonymity. Consulting a psychiatrist would be an easy and anonymous option, though. I should really try that. I always postponed that visit, because I heard so many bad things about anti-depressants.

I'm not ready to admit myself to a hospital/rehab yet. I want to get rid of this addiction without anybody knowing about it and a rehab would automatically make all of my family find out about my problem. Especially because I live with my parents at the moment.

I definitely think that I'm using alcohol as a self-medication since the last 2-3 years against my depressive and suicidal thoughts. I've never officially been diagnosed with depression, but I'm pretty sure I fit all the criteria.

My former family doctor immediately sent me to a therapist after I told him about my problems several years ago, but I've never ever been to any other doctor. He first suggested seeing a specialist (= psychiatrist), but I declined, so he told me to at least see a therapist, which I did. He is retired now, so I'm under no supervision from any medical doctor at the moment which I think is a big mistake. Is it common to quit alcohol addiction only by therapy or did you apply a dual-approach (therapist + psychiatrist), what were your experiences?

Dee74

If you're interested in AA (or any other meeting based approach) but fear being recognised why not try a zoom meeting with your camera switched off?

vkf

I did the 4 prong approach. SR, therapist, a psychologist for the anxiety and AA. Once your at bottom you will do anything to stop.
The suggested zoom meetings are 24/7 so there is always one going on. Video off and just listened. Good luck

MaximusD

Hi, what I have done is, when I slipped up or couldn't maintain sobriety I went to the next step in line for help. Inpatient rehab would have been my last step which I never intend to get too. If you can't do it than take whatever your next step is. For me, having my family hold me accountable and SR seems to be enough as long as I also am all in. I know that I will go to inpatient rehab if I can't quit BEFORE I lose my family and I 100% do not want to do that so I am just going to have to make it work this way.

Anna

I hope you find something or some things that work for you to help with you getting and staying sober. I've relied on some helpful books and SR as supports for me. But, as you said, try and see what works.

cerd2000

I think one of my main problems is that I have insufficient professional help. I realized I can't get out of this addiction solely on my own. I guess that's the case with most addicts? Like I said, I really don't like my therapist since years already, but my health insurance rejects my requests to switching to another. And I never consulted a psychiatrist.

Some good news.

I spoke to my brother yesterday. He is willing to borrow me 2000$. With that money I can afford weekly therapy sessions for 4 months. I also got a part-time job as of today. A miserable job once a week at a supermarket, but it will pay me 300$ a month. Not a lot, but I can also use that money for consulting a private therapist. I think working one shift a week I can still manage in my current state. I wouldn't be able to work a full-time job, though. The risk of not being able to get up in the morning due to alcohol is just too high. But it's a start.

My plan is to switch to another therapist as soon as possible. And in autumn make an appointment with a psychiatrist, before my alcohol addiction gets worse and I feel like it is getting worse with every single month. I need to exhaust all possible options to tackle this addiction now.

I very much like the idea of anonymously joining an AA meeting online. Do you have some recommendations where I can find a list of those zoom meetings online? English is not my native tongue, but I prefer doing this in English anyway.

Hey Obladi, thank you for the kind words. I tried sending you a private message, but it tells me I need to have at least 15 posts before being allowed to send PMs, so I guess I have to wait a little.

MaximusD

Cerd, I have seen therapists who are under supervision still. While this means they may have less experience it also means they are cheaper. 100 bucks or so if your a USA person. I had a good one that was like this.