Back to day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Back to day 1
Well, the past 24 hrs i've cleared 2 bottles of wine and maybe 3 Smirnoff bottles(the cocktail kind).
Graphic*
I had a dream last night, well more like a nightmare, I was walking to this house that was on the grounds of my boarding school, I was going to study or improve myself somehow, my bestfriend while I was in that school asked if i could walk with her because everyone else cant and she needed to talk so I said we could take the long way to the house but I was still going there, as we were walking she started running and I chased after her, we ended up at a bus stop that was next to a steep hill, the bus started to tip over, we laid flat on the ground hanging on the cliff under its first roll so we were safe but looking down there was a femur and at the bottom of the hill we could see red mush, another bus came after and the same thing kept happening till there was just bus and red mush at the bottom with parts all over the hill with my hands getting increasingly tired then I jolted awake terrified! While awake I thought that was not her, its not who she was, she was always a positive influence and a great person...then the face of this 'friend in my dream' was different, the eyes had darkness in them...
I think it was booze my friendship with this darkness and its effect on me when I try to improve and how I've survived this long but I don't have many chances left (my hands getting tired) till I fall or the bus red mushes me. It was a blessing of a dream.
Back at day 1.
Graphic*
I had a dream last night, well more like a nightmare, I was walking to this house that was on the grounds of my boarding school, I was going to study or improve myself somehow, my bestfriend while I was in that school asked if i could walk with her because everyone else cant and she needed to talk so I said we could take the long way to the house but I was still going there, as we were walking she started running and I chased after her, we ended up at a bus stop that was next to a steep hill, the bus started to tip over, we laid flat on the ground hanging on the cliff under its first roll so we were safe but looking down there was a femur and at the bottom of the hill we could see red mush, another bus came after and the same thing kept happening till there was just bus and red mush at the bottom with parts all over the hill with my hands getting increasingly tired then I jolted awake terrified! While awake I thought that was not her, its not who she was, she was always a positive influence and a great person...then the face of this 'friend in my dream' was different, the eyes had darkness in them...
I think it was booze my friendship with this darkness and its effect on me when I try to improve and how I've survived this long but I don't have many chances left (my hands getting tired) till I fall or the bus red mushes me. It was a blessing of a dream.
Back at day 1.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
When my wife and I stopped drinking seven years ago, we committed to doing ninety AA meetings in ninety days. We got sponsors and started working the steps. It gave our recovery a solid foundation, and we are still sober.
I recommend you look up your local group and see what they have to offer. Most meetings are on-line now due to COVID. Here is just one Seattle group's meeting offerings (Pacific Daylight Time, GMT -7h):
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
I recommend you look up your local group and see what they have to offer. Most meetings are on-line now due to COVID. Here is just one Seattle group's meeting offerings (Pacific Daylight Time, GMT -7h):
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
That dream is definitely trying to tell you something Orchid. It says the next phase in your journey with alcohol is going to involve injury and pain and a downhill slide. I wouldn't question it and use it and label it as the moment you realized you can never drink again and that being sober is the only way to live healthy and not end up as a pile of bones at the bottom of the hill.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
I had a dream similar to that near the end of my drinking. I was running, trying to get somewhere. I kept falling and my shoes came off but I just kept running and running. It was like a marathon but the feeling was desperation. I don't usually remember my dreams but reading your post made me think about it.
I know it was a sign. I was running for my life! You had that dream for a reason.
I hope you can take the advise the others are giving. I used to hate the idea of AA but my resistance is waning. I might give it a go.
I know it was a sign. I was running for my life! You had that dream for a reason.
I hope you can take the advise the others are giving. I used to hate the idea of AA but my resistance is waning. I might give it a go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Thank you all, I am realizing I have major trust issues I mean I always knew I had some but now i'm realizing the extent. I went with a friend once to AA for her, when it came to her I thought i'd share to give her confidence, first time I think the idea I may have a problem was implanted anyway later she used what I said there against me in something trivial but she did mention it to other people I knew. I know the was her and not AA but it did soil that place for me. I think what I needed when I drank was someone to confide in. This place is great but I am always afraid my phone will be found and he will read all I wrote or I may slip on a detail and maybe someone I may know in life who visits here will recognize me. I have surrounded myself with a number of great people but I still have this damage of lack of trust and honestly everyone has their own struggles why bother them with mine. It would be great if the old joke of if you dig into the ground you'll eventually get to China...then I could just write out my frustrations and drop it down the hole knowing it will be read.
Anna I'm doing fine thank you for asking, I hope you are well.
Anna I'm doing fine thank you for asking, I hope you are well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
I’m happy that you’re coming to a deeper understanding of yourself...it’s a positive step forward. There are alternatives to AA...don’t stop looking and be kind to yourself. I’m 6 months sober myself after years of daily drinking. The more issues I work through the better I feel. It’s Friday after work for me right now, and I’d much rather be writing this to you then to be having a drink. It will happen. Keep growing.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Orchid, as long as you don't tell anyone about SR and you have chosen a user name no one will relate to you, you won't be found here. If you'd like your user name changed, just let me know.
Be sure to log out of SR each time you use it. Anonymity and protection of privacy are very important to us.
Be sure to log out of SR each time you use it. Anonymity and protection of privacy are very important to us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 56
I can't recommend getting into a 12 Step Program if you are not already in one, Orchid. It really helped me change my life. Specifically, turning my life over to my Higher Power and becoming loving towards people and helping them are what really allowed me to drop my addiction. Even though it might not seem like there is hope, there is!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hey Orchid. It's great that you are working on your recovery. Anonymity is one of the wonderful things about SR; you can share, you can be yourself and you can ask for support, in a way that's pretty tough to do in 'real' life. As long as you follow the advice about you'll be fine. Use this place for what it has to offer; a deeper understanding of yourself and you addiction. Rooting for you 
xxx
xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
No great, but I hope you, gabe, dear surrendered, dee, anna and everyone of you who wrote but I haven't talked much to so the avatars don't come straight to mind(but they will) and the ones reading good luck and congratulations on you sober time.
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