PalmerSage

I always think "the truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off" (Gloria Steinem?) As an active drinker, I had so many layers of denial, anger, entitlement, etc. that it was hard at first for anyone to break through, and if they did, I really hated it. Dee, you're amazing at engaging in constant dialogue with peoples' AVs where most people would give up, and I'm sure you've brought MANY more people back from the brink than you could ever know. Thanks for this post, and for all that you do.

Sober45

This site has been my lifeline to sobriety. I tried to quit many time before but failed. If anything happens to it, I don't know what i'll do!

Bonniefloyd

I 100% agree. I could say a lot about what motivated me to get sober, but if I had to sum it up, I’d say it was a leap of faith. Faith that I could do this, and once I got through the hard part things would be so much better. And if it hadn’t been for you and a bunch of other people on this forum insisting that this sobriety thing is worth it, I don’t know when/if I would have given it a shot.

Oh, and in my early days I didn’t like some of the stuff people said either. I didn’t love it when people would say “sorry you chose to drink.” I didn’t get mad about it because I knew it was true, but I sure didn’t enjoy hearing it! But knowing it was a choice and having that repeated to me and others was the thing it took for me to realize that if I can choose to drink, I can also choose not to. (Duh!)

Anyway, thanks for this thread, Dee; I think it’s so important for people in early sobriety to understand this.

Bunker

Hi Dee, I am not sure I get the drift. I am struggling to get to permanent sobriety. I post about my failures. Is that ok? I am sure that good results stories would be better. It is not my story. I am not sure what you object to.

Anna

Thanks, Dee. This post is invaluable because, in order to recover, we need to have an open mind.

biminiblue

This thing (addiction) wants its Precious.

It will stop at nothing to kill its disciples, including creating a delusional world in which it convinces addicts that they cannot quit.

Nothing further from the truth.

Anyone can quit.

I hope we all keep calling it out. I have to admit I grow weary of the super-sensitivity and the absolute denial of the seriousness of this thing but then I don't really have any control over anyone so mostly I just don't engage. Life is too short for me to continually get hit over the head by people who are still using and who come to this site to argue that they are Special Snowflakes.

Nope. Just run of the mill addicts. If I can quit, you can too.

lessgravity

No one objects to that. Everyone's posts, before they achieve sobriety, are filled with struggles, failures, hope and all that. Keep doing the work. A better life awaits.

Aellyce

I could not agree more. Support is so often taken way too one-dimensionally and people avoid being challenged or challenging. But if we hear little else but "it's okay, just stand up, dust yourself off, and start again... you got this" type feedback, it often validates what's already been going on in endless cycles. I also personally am never a fan of just suggesting self-compassion. I don't think being compassionate towards the active motivations that destroy us and others around us is a very good strategy, but I know others will disagree.

What I always like in communities like this is the variety of feedback and styles. But we also need to use it, far beyond feeling better for not being alone. Of course it is very easy to guess what anyone might be able to use well. Constructive support is really a for of art, just like communication itself!

Surrendered19

You know the answers to your questions Bunker. Of course it is ok to post about ongoing failures and struggles. Ongoing struggle is a main theme in so many SR posts. And good results ARE part of your story. You have had months and months of sobriety here and there - all good results. And I'll let Dee speak for himself but I think that Dee simply wants us to keep trying, keep an open mind, and acknowledge that anyone can get sober and stay sober. Anyone who thinks this site is all unicorns and rainbows hasn't read around enough. I don't object to anyone feeling hopeless as I was for so long. But anyone who insists that's that and demand the rest of us just stand down and silently acknowledge and accept the hopelessness is just plain wrong and I don't think that will ever happen on this site.

Dee74

Hi Bunker
I hate the word failures but of course its ok to be honest and post about when you drink or use again.

That's really what SR is for more than anything else - its a place to be honest about our struggle cos it's useless not being honest.

A place where only sober people post how awesome they are being sober would not be half as good

Its a place of help too though.

You'll find a ton of help suggestions and understanding here to help you not drink again- which is why anyone joins a place like SR anyway

and if you or anyone else were to say 'I can't do this', 'I'm not capable', 'I'm gonna drink tonight I can't stop it' 'I'm gonna die a drunk' - you'll find a lot of people here who will challenge that thinking. not because we like arguing but because we care about the people here, especially newcomers.

We''ll sit with you, and talk with you, to try and help you get yourself out of that defeatist thinking and stay sober.

Thats really what this thread is about - real support.

if I'm still not clear, let me know
D

59Woodwall

Hi Dee,

Long time lurker and occasional poster. Personally, I really appreciate all the time and advice that you give to people.

I find this site massively beneficial and am grateful that I found it.

MLD51

None of us are professional counselors. We are all here to get support, and try to be of support. We won't always say things gracefully or even compassionately. We make mistakes sometimes when offering advice or feedback. Sometimes what we say to someone sounds harsh or cruel to that person. I would argue that almost everyone here is only trying to help (there may be a few trolls here and there, I guess). It may not seem that way, especially to someone who is really hurting and in the throes of active alcoholism and in denial. I know that when I was in the final stages of my drinking I really didn't want to hear advice from anyone that involved me taking a good hard look at myself and admitting that I was going to have to quit for good. And that it was going to be hard work and not fun. I wanted there to be an easy way. There isn't. And that's a hard pill for some people to swallow. I'd argue it's a hard pill for almost everyone to swallow. So, what may seem like harsh advice is really just the truth. Yeah, not everyone here is great with words, and sometimes we do get frustrated with other members that seem to never take any advice at all and keep coming back after drinking, not having done anything any of us has suggested. It's human nature. We are all just doing our best here, and not professionals. Just other folks with the same problem, trying to offer some experience, strength, and hope.

Zevin

Great thread! The support and advice of EVERYONE here is amazing.
Anytime I’ve had a question on how to deal with a possible problematic situation, I’ve found others who’ve already gone through the same experience.
Also, it just feels good to (hopefully) offer help, encouragement, sympathy to others traveling this road!
Many thanks to all the Moderators and people who post on a regular basis. Like many other people, I’ve been on other Internet group sites and I’ve never seen one run like SR.
Bunker, the fact that you are here shows you are READY to get sober. Someday, someone will read your posts and see themselves in your exact situation. Keep posting—everyone is here to help you.

Delilah1

Well said Dee! Thanks for all you do here, you are so greatly appreciated!!

Nonsensical

When I was sick and suffering it was the people who told me things I didn't want to hear who helped me the most.
They weren't all graduates of the Dale Carnegie Institute.
I lived.
Now I am living.

YMMV