Dee74

I've seen a few people lately saying the support here is not great.

I won't go into case details cos this is not about one member or one post

I strive to be open minded and patient, but when I see peoples addiction calling the plays, dictating the posts or attacking other posters who are trying to help it pisses me off.

This is a recovery site.

I understand that my way to recovery need not be everyone's way - but there is an objective empirical truth here.

We are all here because we want to improve or situation or help others do the same.
We are all here to get better, and/or help others get better, and we get better by not giving into our addiction.

If we can't share our experience and promote recovery here without being called unsupportive we may as well shut up shop.

We don't help people by pandering to their addictions.
AVs (addictive voices) are not healthy - they are bad.

I also know these days there's a growing idea that support is simply agreeing with everything someone says, but if the things you believe are going to cause you or your loved ones pain or even worse kill you or them, here on SR I claim the right to say 'hold up there'

Its what anyone who really cares would do.
I hope we all claim that right.

D

MaximusD

Well said Dee and I agree.

nez

Good stuff Dee, thanks!

Many times in recovery what I need to hear, is not what I want to hear. Listening only to what I want to hear, stunts my growth. It short changes me from a huge wealth of things that I haven't considered yet... or worse, don't even want to consider. Odds are that I have already considered, thought about, and even put into practice the things I want to hear, so there is nothing new for me there.

A huge part of recovery for me is learning to coexist, especially with my ego that wants what it wants and demands that it be its way. Until I can learn to do that, I will never know peace.

lessgravity

You and this site are the best Dee. Like anything made by and run by us humans, SR is flawed and imperfect. But the idea that the support and structure here isn't anything other than remarkable, incredible and life-changing is more a testament to how insidious and horrible the desire to abuse alcohol is. As you know, I am like many people on this site - I got sober, permanently, with almost nothing other that SR. Thank you for everything you and the other moderators do. Thankless as it may feel at times, you saved my life and I am certain many others as well.

PuckLuck

Great post, Dee.

If I may add... Life cannot also always be how we like it. Most alcoholics have a very hard time coming to terms with that!

Still working on it...

dpac414

Dee, you truly are an invaluable member of this community, and I know I and everyone else here appreciate your consistently kind yet firm support. Thank you for being here day in and day out not only as a moderator, but as a simple alcoholic trying to do some good.

Thanks for the post - it's always important to remember that in alcoholism, the truth is frequently not what we want to hear.

least

Some of the best wisdom I've ever heard kind of stung at the time, but looking back, was just what I needed to hear.

Surrendered19

Thank you so much for all you do Dee and Anna. The support I have received here on SR, and the conversations that take place - even the ones that damage my fragile ego - are one of the main reasons I am sober nearly 8 months. I get so much out of reading here on SR and interacting with other folks trying to get this thing figured out like I still am.

anxiousrock

I have always found good support here and I think its due to the fact mostly everyone here, in a way, understands how I feel and what I'm going through and personally that's what I need to help me recover.

freedomfries

Sometimes what we need to hear and what we want to hear are very different things.

Steely

I don't know much about philosophy, but the theory of knowledge "epistemology" comes to mind.

I understood this to mean (in this case) the exchange of knowledge and ideas with another/others without taking it personally or with offence. It's how we learn.

Simple exchange of ideas so as to add our understanding.

Learning how to do it objectively is the hard part. Worth the walk though.

MythOfSisyphus

Support sometimes requires telling hard truths. Enabling is just telling people what they'd prefer to hear.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Dee

I've been on and off this site for 8 years and you and all the mods are fantastic

I know when I've posted and people have said things I don't like it stings-ouch! But the more it stings the more I realize what they are saying is right - I just don't want to hear it.

redlboro

I was only listening to a podcast yesterday where someone stated, there is no 'tough love' only love. I've certainly heard things I haven't liked over the years (not here btw) but needed to hear. Sometimes I need pointing in the right direction. Its partly why I am here.

Very grateful to be here and engaged with it all 👍

Gabe1980

I'm not surprised you get pissed off Dee, you, and others, seem to be here all day ever day posting on threads and giving advice.

The truth is uncomfortable sometimes and I have felt that discomfort but it's been my problem and a big part of my learning process. My AV did not want to hear what I was reading here, and part of the reason that I am still here is that I took sides, my side/our side/SR's side against my AV.

Dee74

I try not to be - and I manage about 95% of the time.
I guess it shows none of us are superhuman beings or saints...

I do think this who support thing is a pretty important point tho.
You need faith and hope that things can change....we all do.

D

Wastinglife

Well, I am always right. Never even made a mistake in my life. Hopefully, my perfection will run off on you lot. Thank me later!

Gabe1980

I think you do pretty well!

Faith is so important in fighting this. Sometimes it has just felt like blind faith that things can change, that I could figure it out and that all would come good in the end. I think without that we are all doomed and often it's just transferring that faith and hope onto other people, who in that moment, don't have their own....

brighterday1234

Thanks for all you do at SR Dee and thanks for the post 🙏

Indeed there are many paths to lasting sobriety and quality recovery but it’s always wise to take advice and listen to those with a decent stretch of sobriety and good recovery under their belt. The time to argue your points are if these have led to sobriety and recovery rather than if one is still drinking or struggling with the constant off-on-off-on cycle of addiction. Of course any post that I make on SR or indeed in any other form of communication about recovery is my experience only and I share what has worked for me over the past decade.

tomls

Ditto Dee!!!!!