biminiblue

I think this is a really good way to deal with the questions from loved ones and friends. They don't need the close-up.

I've mentioned this before - I quit drinking in my early thirties after having lived away from home (like hundreds of miles away) for 15 years. None of my family knew how bad it got for me when I was drinking and how out of control my life was. There was no way I was going to go into it all with them, but I did tell them I felt like I was alcoholic and wasn't drinking. My whole family was there - so I got it out of the way! My grandfather mentioned that his sister was alcoholic. That was the end of the "discussion." For years after that every time I was around them they offered me alcohol. I just kept saying, "No, thanks."

Complete abstinence from alcohol is something that apparently doesn't compute to those who don't have the compulsion.

I learned a lot about how much people really pay attention, how much they understand and how they are likely just being polite. "Not drinking today," is as good an answer as any.

zoobadger

There's no reason to believe that a long period of abstinence would somehow magically transform us into people who can "take it or leave it." If that worked, then we would have simply cut down to non-harmful amounts of alcohol use long ago.

We all quit is because we OBVIOUSLY cannot control our drinking. That doesn't change after 800 days or 10,000 days; and why would anybody expect it to? In this regard it really is akin to diabetes. Moderating your diet for a couple of years doesn't "cure" you.

Also, I never enjoyed just one or two glasses of wine. Even in the early days when I was likelier to stop before getting thoroughly wasted, the struggle to abstain after only a reasonable amount was such a struggle that I didn't enjoy alcohol in the way that a "normal" person might. I either felt miserably deprived or I got drunk to one degree or another with the usual negative consequences.

Hodd

This has been my overriding lesson from joining this forum. I quit alcohol but assumed I’d be able to drink in moderation one day. Luckily I came here before trying that last part. I wish and wish that message was understood by everyone on here as life gets easier and better without drink.

I mentioned on here having a major career change and becoming a teacher soon. This is a huge stack of work to get up to speed, and the next two to three years will be tough. If I drink during that time, I won’t be good enough to pass. Everyone of us reading will improve mentally and physically without booze.

lessgravity

This and this - simply put and directly on point.

MaximusD

My wife already knows of my issue with alcohol so she does the opposite and asks me if I am okay if SHE drinks a glass of wine with friends which she does rarely. Oddly enough, my addiction, however fierce has never included drinking the alcohol that is in the house.

lessgravity

[QUOTE=Hodd;7472644]This has been my overriding lesson from joining this forum. I quit alcohol but assumed I’d be able to drink in moderation one day./QUOTE]

I think all of us have held this wish/assumption/hope about moderation. But it's a lie. Here's a thing I wrote a long time ago that I use for myself when I fluctuate and even entertain the AV for a moment - the life of "moderation" is a brutal, ugly life =
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oderation.html (My guide to moderation)

Fusion

Less, I listened to the siren call of my AV last year, after two and a half years relatively content sobriety, I suffered tumultuous circumstances. My AV said that I was now cured, could have a few drinks for a few days, to deaden my despair, then stop once more.

Not so. My AV always lies. My drinking ramped up to the previous levels within a week or so. It took a long time last year to dig myself out of the mental addiction hole, documented on SR, and I'm grateful for the support I received climbing back out of the pit.

I believe my addiction lies within the same part of my brain, that recalls the skills of driving, riding, piano-playing, cycling etc. Therefore my brain will never forget the level of alcohol consumption at which I left off.

I believe I can never resume to normal social drinker levels. And I accept that, after my sad experiment last year, that never drinking again, is a massive positive in my life. I'm don't miss something I no longer want...my AV though, that's another matter, but it get's short shrift from me!

PuckLuck

This rings very true with my personal experience as well. If I didn't have enough supply at home to get the job done or enough money at the bar I wouldn't even drink, because there's nothing worse than having only having a few.

Primativo

And mine. When I drink, it is to get drunk. I want to feel that buzz, but that buzz became more and more elusive and fleeting, and I needed more alcohol to reach that level. What used to give me a buzz from a bottle of wine turned into two bottles or more. Of course, I'd then wake up in the thralls of withdrawal/hangover and I would feel an irresistible urge to pick up drink again the next day to placate the horrible feelings of anxiety and depression. Then, the binge would start and it was incredibly hard to get off again.

Hence it is utterly pointless for me to go out and drink one or two drinks. Sure, occasionally I would do that but it was rare and deep down it wasn't what I wanted. As soon as I have one drink, my ultimate desire is to get off my face. I don't want to black out of course, although that is often how I ended up, but I just wanted to lose my self in drunken delirium. Except, you never actually reach that delirium.

least

At this point in my sober journey, the thought of drinking wine makes me feel sick. Literally sick. There is no romanticizing it anymore. It's just poison to me. I know for a fact that I will never drink again. It's etched in my brain.

MythOfSisyphus

It's really difficult to convey the mortal dread that lies in the heart of an addict. After I'd been sober for a year my brother asked if maybe one or two glasses would be okay. If you had cancer and thought you were going to die, but miraculously were cured, would you ever want to have just a little bit of cancer again?