lessgravity

I'm over 800 days sober.
My life is mine again, for perhaps the first time.
Each and every single aspect of my life, from the simplest and mundane, to the most significant and essential, is better, clearer, more profound.
And yet.

My wife meant no harm in the conversation. I can even take some credit for having done such important work that she even entertains the thought. But I'm permanently sober and I explained that to her. It's just a reminder, for me, that as much as I have gotten support from this site and elsewhere, I saved my self. This is my battle, my life and no one came, or is ever coming, to save me.

Stay strong my fellow warriors. It is so worth the work.
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taplow

lessgravity, 800 days is amazing. I'm glad you notice the transformation in your life. It's clear that you've finished for life, you've got to keep on going; that's it forever isn't it? I wonder, Is your wife a complete non drinker as well?

courage2

Thank you for this great post. I'm sure your wife meant no harm, but non-alcoholics can't understand.

To people like us, you're a hero.

Hodd

800 days is amazing!

I’m on day 550 (just calculated that!) and I remember last year being in an Italian restaurant and saying to my teetotal wife that a glass of red wine would be nice with the food. She too asked why I couldn’t have one small glass.

She’s changed her tune recently as her friend’s husband has alcohol-related cirrhosis, and my wife’s realised at last that was the way I would’ve been heading.

Robbie64

800 days is amazing and excellent.

Why did your wife ask you if you would ever have a glass of wine? Was it just curiosity or was she somehow testing you? I'm sure she probably asked in all innocence but when you've had 800 days sober I have to admit I would have been a bit disappointed to have been asked that.

BackandScared

I totally agree with this. It is very difficult for us, alcohol addicts to understand how alcohol is not important for most people. However, the vast majority of adults drink, associate special occasions/celebrations/tragedies to alcohol and they are not addicted. So, it is impossible for them to 'get it'.

I had a boyfriend, over two decades ago, whose mother was alcoholic. I almost did not drink then. We spent one New Years' Eve together and I insisted his mother had to drink and I served her alcohol because it was 'bad luck' to not have a cheers with alcohol to start the year. I cringe every time I remember. I meant no harm either; I just could not see the problem at all.

Your wife probably misses a glass of wine with you from time to time. Or perhaps she wants you to enjoy that pleasure, now that you are 'cured'. You know how it works.

Congratulations on 800 days and thank you for all your great posts.

Aellyce

I get questions like that every now and then from people who know I don't drink and they are not heavy drinkers either. Agree with others, those who never experienced addiction just can't truly comprehend the full extent of its severity. The questions and comments can be annoying, but only show the seriousness of our experiences, including the triumph of overcoming it!

Dee74

I think most of the time its an innocent thing Robbie, with no malice intended.

well done on 800 days less

D

lessgravity

Thanks Tap. Yes that's the thing about forever, it really is forever. No, my wife is not a non-drinker. She is a social drinker who has fun with bit, almost never drinks to excess and probably just misses the fact that we will never share a drink again.

lessgravity

As Dee said, with his typical wisdom, my wife was coming from a good place with her questions. I wasn't able to see that so clearly in my earlier sobriety. But now I can, and I'm grateful for the perspective and the peace. The world does not conform to fit my needs and complications. But I can be present enough to experience the beauty and pain, and then keep on keeping on, sober.

D122y

My wife just walked in with wine coolers. She drank last weekend and now she is planning to drink these at some point.

I hope she doesn't get in trouble.

I have been warning her, and my son, about the dangers of addiction. The problem is addiction is subtle and fierce. Left vs right brain stuff.

Thank God for SR.

Thanks.

D122y

Some old folks, 100 plus, swear by booze.

But, unfortunately/fortunately I had to quit due to over use/heavy addiction/kindling.

I will crave off and on until I die. I will never drink again. I hate the stuff.

Thanks.

Bilr44

Non alcoholics don’t understand our inability to control our drinking, no matter how long we are abstinent. My wife can drink one wine cooler a week and that is a lot. But she also thinks anyone can become an alcoholic. I’m sure your wife meant well and was just think (like a non alcoholic) how romantic it would be to share a glass of wine. 800 days is nothing to sneeze about. Glad you view yourself as a non drinker, that is a great attitude.

Anna

Some posts that promoted the use of alcohol have been removed, as well as a post that quoted the use of alcohol.

It's against our rules to promote the use of alcohol on the boards.

It's dangerous to many alcoholics to try to moderate/control their drinking and it's especially dangerous to post this in the Newcomers Forum.

Steely

Thanks Anna.

I think people are just curious, even after 800 days. Seems strange to them that we cannot imbibe alcohol. Why we can't just stop at one. Fair enough question, really. Alcohol so prevalent, acceptable.

I'm really proud to say I no longer drink. And I tell people (if they ask) with pride. Shame no more. Alcohol shamed me. Sobriety does not.

And congrats on 800 days lessgravity.

lessgravity

I guess I wish I saw the posts with questions about me drinking again so I could have answered them. But I understand SR policies.

Thanks Steely
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Dee74

Sent you a pm.
What Anna posted refers directly and particularly to the posts that were removed.

The posts were not about you, less.

D

Delilah1

I feel exactly the same as you Less. My husband has stopped asking me if I will ever drink again, I think there is a part of him that wishes he didn’t drink, but I don’t know if he will ever decide to stop, so I continue to focus on me. You just made me check my day counter and today is 1648 days, I’m proud of each and every one of them!

Misssy2

And this is the mindset one reaches when they really get sober.
Someone asks you if you are ever going to be able to drink again and you feel 100% confident that no you will not and that is a gift!

Fallow

800 days is amazing Lessgravity!
I can relate to the questions from your wife as my wife sometimes tries to talk me into drinking. Right now I can't tell her I will never drink again. I just tell her I am not drinking tonight. Maybe someday we will have that conversation.