Surrendered19

Hope you are having a good weekend Orchid. The early days are tough but you look at them like those gigantic blocks of stone that are the base of the three Giza pyramids. No way to build a sober future without these tough foundational days. Enjoy your Sunday.

Gabe1980

Surrendered - I really liked that, thank you!

Your doing great Orchid! Just think how good it's going to feel when all those sober days start to mount up. You are so right, it is those little joys. I will definitely settle for a life of little joys than big drama.

Well done!

Orchid1

You're right surrendered, thank you.

Thank you Gabe! Again congrats of 4 weeks😊

Beautiful day outside but feeling lethargic though mostly not due to the recovery so it will pass soon enough. My social calendar is definitely clear for the next 3 weeks(save for weekly walks with the girls) so I'm going to just read and listen to as much material as I can.

Apart from a rough dream my mind feels alright. It's only day 4 but if feels longer and I think it's because I started journey in April and my combined sober days since then are longer than all of 2019, probably the other years too just can accurately remember. Boy I hope my memory comes back! At least to even 80% of what it was, before I drowned it is poison I only had to read or learn something once, sleep a rem cycle or 2 after and it was set in stone. I've lost so much.

One day at a time💪

MaximusD

Cant remember if I posted this here but I had a dream 2 days ago that had me jump out of bed so fast I was on the other side of the room hurting. Let's keep it up. A couple more days and things should be returning more to normal withdrawal wise.

Orchid1

I really am an alcoholic.

I wish there was a way I could just cryogenically freeze for a month so I come out that time sober.

I faltered in not relying on my own strength now I feel the weight and it's crushing. I'm giving it up now again. No real way to end this post. Good luck all, God is strength.

One day at a time.

Max, sorry about the fight, going back for the hug is the same thing that keeps us at keeping with this...we want to do better. Have a good tomorrow despite...Mondays(amirite).

Orchid1

Up past midnight but its the start of day 7 so it's not worrying. I was so loopy yesterday I was very nearly in an accident, thing is though I was panicked a little, I laughed it off(boyfriend was in the car) not because I was nervous...the guy accelerated as if to hit us then honked! hahaha, I mean my calculation was off cause he was turning from the main road into the side street we were on (I should have accelerated abit faster)but I did not figure the car would accelerate! He ended up doing something like 10 over on a 10mph street.

After all that I was thinking if he hit us I WOULD HAVE A BAC OF 0.00. Made me feel great! I know I can die at anytime and for any reason but boy do I want my BAC to be at 0.00 when I go. I remember when I would be a bottle in getting so sad at the thought of dying in such a state and my mother finding out. She worked so hard to give me the best chance.

Really had a strong craving 4 hours ago, went to the store! But once there I did not go to the booze section, looked for something I needed and walk right out, drove straight home cause I knew I was weak. Did my hair while binge watching the show MOM. Like Bojack Horseman but this one is life in recovery, oddly helpful.

It's been tough, got really frustrated/angry in the morning but chose to run because I knew if I let it fester I would have drank at some point. Good thing is skin feels hydrated again and I can wear my contacts without irritation cause my eyes are dehydrated. Art museum opened back up so I'll go visit that tomorrow, run, study and do something different with my hair.

✌️

Orchid1

I'm several hours shy of 1 week but figured I'd mark it because I know I wont drink today. Did most of what I set out to do today but will do the studying after a while. I feel generally good, maybe beginner's high but i'm optimistic for the future. Still running on about 2 hours of sleep but I managed to walk 4 miles plus go to an art exhibit with no brain fog, I sure it will get better with sober time as I've seen so many people give account.

The cravings are still challenging and my life is still a lot in shambles but it will all work out and if not I will have learned the tools to deal with life's challenges and not rely on the bottle.

Will keep reading around but I will check in once at week 2.

Coz

Hey Orchid, congrats one week

Please don't leave it a week before checking in again - daily would be better for a while, or at the very last, double digits on day 10.

Wither way, keep up the great work - stay sober!

Surrendered19

That is awesome Orchid!!! So well done!!! For me sleep was a bugger. I am 7 months in and just starting to sleep a bit better although I still have at least one nearly sleepless night per week. I turn that around and just enjoy the extra time and quiet. If I am lying there at 3 a.m., I get happy thinking about that in the morning, although tired, I will be clear-headed and healthy and can function well. As you said, you can do things on 2 hours of sleep that you could NEVER have done on the sauce. Keep it up Orchid. Things get so much better the longer you stay sober.

MaximusD

Orchid, just checking in on you. I would hang around and keep posting. That is what I am going to try do differently this time.

Orchid1

Coz, Max y'all are right, I need to post everyday at least for now. Thank's for checking up!

Surrendered you are such a lovely support to me and I see to others, I truly hope you're body heals as soon as possible so you get consistent good sleep! I am glad you see the good side of sleeplessness, I will try the same technique.

Surrendered19

Don't fret over me Orchid. I am so happy. I was a good way down the road to death 7 months ago so the daily rewards of sobriety are huge in my life. A few sleep issues for me is a badge of honor. Like a cool scar from a fight, even though I lost the fight and got my silly butt kicked all over the place.

PuckLuck

I feel like I've had enough drama for 3 lifetime

MaximusD

Its another day! Day 2 for me. How you doing?

Orchid1

Good for you! I'm alright, scale says i'm 5lbs down so that's nice though realistically it's probably 3 pounds, still...in a little over a week is not too shabby.

MaximusD

Nice job! I am not going to worry about my eating for another day or 2 while I get done with the withdrawals.

Orchid1

As the title suggests this was a mixed bag... bad part is I drank yesterday, nothing extreme in fact I woke up just fine but I am back at day 1, cant say anything triggered me but I was just feeling anxious. I just made a bad choice and now I will make good ones. I don't want to live the life I lived. Good part is I was offered a board position which I'm over the moon about, I want to be good at this so alcohol cant be part of my life. I need to amend my plan to deal with random bouts of anxiety.

Coz

Oh Orchid - hope you can make this your last day 1.

Your sobriety will go a long way to being a productive and responsible board member (congrats on that front!). What board is it?

And maybe read a bit more here in SR. I think if you (we) could learn from other people, we know that drinking only makes anxiety worse. But I know we have to learn some things ourselves before we truly believe it. There are lots of ways to deal with anxiety that are much more effective than drinking. Maybe have a go at the breathing techniques - they work well for me, as does a walk with a task to be a distraction for the mind and bring me back to the present moment. I set a little task such as find three different coloured flowers, pick up five bits of rubbish, try to pick up bird calls of as many species as possible....... I set a task or two and then head outdoors for a little while.

Really hope you can fix your plan and keep adding sober days to your count.

Sending positive vibes your way.

Also, great that you are going too post here more often - it is a good way to learn, release any tension or anxieties, and as a bonus, you get great support and encouragement.

Orchid1

Dang...

Coz I saw you wrote a message and I will read it, mariana trench level thank you!

Dee74

Have you thought about making a recovery action plan Orchid?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)