Orchid1

Absolutely Max!

Orchid1

My craving is strong right now! On and off for the last hour or so. At first I drank a little soda for the sugar it went away, second time I cooked something simple and ate it went away now ai decided to try something I saw in that link Dee posted about riding the wave and I must say it's interesting to 'taste' the craving but think the act itself is not worth it. Third wave gone! Also the tingling is mostly gone but still enough there to notice.

Dee74

I'm glad Urge Surfing helped Orchid

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...e-surfing.html (urge surfing)
(just putting it here for others)

Have you thought about a recovery action plan?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

Orchid1

I believe I have the makings of one that will get me through the first month or so(Mathew 4 1-11), extreme but this is an extreme situation.

Dee74

wandering in the wilderness and being tested is one way to find inner strength and ultimate success but it's not the only way
I hope you'll read the plan link as well

D

Orchid1

I read it and will use some of the ideas I saw. Right now definitely staying away from social events where drinking is free flowing.Picking back up running and paying more attention to piano practice. Volunteer somewhere, whole bunch of things that will make it a lifestyle shift.

Now it's slightly after day 1 about 28hrs since my last drink, been here plenty before but this one feels different. I'm not relying on my own strength anymore and it just took the pressure off me. After my third craving today they just went away, even when I was bored I just found something to do(ended up cleaning junk that had piled in my room), the pins and needles went away and just about an hour ago I had to go for a drive to cool off(house was set at 75😱, at night!!! I digress), passed my 2 usual spots to buy booze though I have avoided one, of late(they got to know my face too well), anyway I just looked at them and kept thinking whatever my mind was on about like I didn't just pass my 'dealer'.

I think and feel this is it, i'm ready to change my life, don't need to drink anymore and I'm picturing going to dinner with my friends right now and I don't feel odd not having a drink, thinking of myself sober at my family reunion doesn't seem bleak. Goodness what a ride this has been!

One day at a time😊

Gabe1980

I love your last post. Well done Orchid, it sounds like you are doing so well.

i think that feeling that this time is different is the starting point. For me its about embracing that feeling and doing what I need to do to support it and keep it alive. I feel like I have this little bud in my hands that is starting to grow....it's all a bit fragile but is getting stronger everyday.

One day at a time hun xxx

Orchid1

Excellent analogy Gabe!😊

Well today is going well, slept horribly but i'm fine for the most part just strained eyes and the tiniest amount of pins and needles in my 'snout' area.
I've been having flashes of places I used to buy booze but I'm not craving it or really desire it it's just a random flash. I'm trying to think through why each one is popping combined with the task i'm doing. I think maybe that's how triggers use to get me but now its like i'm an observer, like watching a movie seeing the connections the characters don't know about. An example is when I picked up a 409 cleaner and got a flash of grocery store I've bought wine at, thinking through last time I was there I bought cleaning supplies(corona start), wine and begonias. That association would then make me want to drink...

anyway, will check in again as the day goes.

One day at a time😊

MaximusD

Orchid, although I am right there with you, because I still spend much of the year sober (Just relapse too much and quick again) most of those associations are gone for me now and have been for a while. Keep it up and they will go away. Try an app like I said in another thread for the night. I put in one headphone and it is a guided mindfulness type of thing that actually works great!

Orchid1

Have you thought about what caused you to relapse?

MaximusD

I think I am just not putting enough emphasis on my quit. I don't want it enough I guess. I will be talking to my therapist about it. Mostly, I am just the kind of person that is spontaneous and I suck at not listening to the AV.

Dee74

Maybe it's not that you don;t want to quit enough Max but that, for whatever reason, you've not committed to change enough?
Do you have any kind of recovery action plan?

D

Orchid1

We all have got a lot to work through, brutal introspection and honesty.

Well its been quite the day, ended up going to dinner with family and I DID NOT DRINK!!! I was honestly content with crewing my ice chips(new strategy), I will say on my drive home I really really got hit hard with the cravings but fortunately enough a situation happened that made me see why I was sober and strengthened my resolve.

One day at a time😊

Coz

You're doing great Orchid! I like the concept of ice chips - might try that one.

Dee74

good outcome Orchid - congrats


D

JustPeachy95

Reading through these posts and just happy that your journey is going well. Keep at it, stay strong.

Orchid1

Thank you Coz(hope the little joys are still increasing) Dee and JP!

So start of day 3, for some reason it feels longer than that, wonder what that means if anything. So last night as I was about to fall asleep I kept feeling my heart fluttering, my anxiety started climbing then came the fear, I recognized this trap so I actively thought back to my intake that day, I drank plenty of water consequently went to the bathroom alot and only ate one meal at dinner with barely any carbs so my sodium was probably whack, licked half a teaspoon of salt then prayed, specifically the lords prayer, then I read Mathew 6 25-34...cant even say how soon after I was asleep😊, woke up on and off but collectively I got about 6hrs.

Its a beautiful day today so i'll probably do something outside. Woke up this morning to someone else's anxiety/anger issues but I'm still at peace.

One day at a time😊

Coz

Congrats Orchid - you can do this!

Great that you found a way to deal with the anxiety and know that it will reduce as you continue on the sober path. I relied on breathing techniques and a bedtime mindfulness technique to get through the night time jitters - anything that works is great.

And the little joys are still around, although I now know not to expect them to be felt without a conscious effort on days when I am feeling down. Yesterday I was outside in the rain and the joy of cool light rain on my face was so perfect - hard to explain, but it felt so fresh and calming. In the past, I would have used the light rain as an excuse to stay inside and drink and would have missed out on that feeling.

Stay at peace and enjoy the outdoors - I am sure you can find some little joys out there for you - look for them and I'm sure it will add to your feelings of peace and snippets of happiness.

Keep up the great work!

Orchid1

I think I may recognize this feeling, I've felt it early noon in the Colorado mountains. Great!

Today went well, ended up indoors and slept most of the afternoon, went to a dinner and even though I was not going to drink it was a dry dinner so there was no real need for techniques. I will say though it was nice to reaffirm a good time can be had sober and I can interact with new people sober and not have my anxiety at 100%.

Also had a lively conversation with one of my closest friend who we don't agree on what is happening currently, no one is going to tell me I should feel a victim, I will not be controlled that way. Navigating the negative feelings did make me feel like drinking but I stepped back, agreed to disagree and now I'm just re enforcing that I can both have good and bad feelings without needing a drink and life will go on.

One day at a time.

MaximusD

Catching up here. Glad you are doing good and skipping the sauce. Lets keep it up together. Thank you for checking on me in the other thread!