Hevyn

You learned something, BetterMan - sometimes it has to happen that way. You now have further proof that drinking will never bring you the comfort you imagine it will. There's only misery & remorse when we cave. You're back with new determination. You're going to do this.

Dee74

I remember that urge BABM. I also remember my absolute shock when I came to SR instead and I got through that urge.
It wasn't easy and it wasn't a quick thing - I remember spending days on line stopping only to sleep, but it was possible.

If I can do it based on the me back then, really, anyone can.

Drinking was a lot of things for me - medicine, punishment, resentment, self pity, apathy, fatalism - but I found there was something stronger than that in me - I wanted to survive.

BeABetterMan

This is just awful. Soooo hard. Deep and dark.

nez

Maybe it is hard and dark is because you are finally at the bottom. I never thought of that before you put it into words, but it pretty much describes and fits with my experience. Don't hang around there, start the journey out. You have plenty of climbing buddies on here to lend a hand or rope.

TiredCarpenter

BetterMan: Totally normal.

Bill’s story pg. 7 talks about our will being amazingly weakened when it comes to alcohol.

Bill, after several attempts, talks about moving his mattress to a lower floor, else he might jump. He struggles again and again, stays sober a while, lapses on armistice, also talks about not drawing a sober breath for nearly five years while, I think, reduced to living with in-laws.

” These men are battling an addiction over which they have no strength ....”


It seems hopeless, I know........

”What one man can do, another can do”. Anthony Hopkins

Keep at it til the miracle happens.


Hug.

BeABetterMan

I’m just so sick of losing. I’m so weak. I’m so impatient. I’m so alone.

Coz

You are not alone BABM
Your SR family is with you all the way and only want the best for you.
You are also not week. Think back at how far you had come a few days back.
You don't have to keep losing - give the sober bus to a new destination a try.
Impatient - Can't comment - Me too. I guess it is something we need to learn as a more peaceful life awaits.

Hang in there - we are all here for you.

Dee74

I was really down on myself after relapsing too - but you need to quit it BABM.
Too much better yourself up, too much despair or too much self pity can drive you right back to the bottle.

You can make yourself a different ending for the day,

get productive - whatever it is. If you're in the dark, climb towards the light - the light is always there.

D

Sunflower1964

BABM, you can do it! There are so many people here to support you. Don't despair, start over - it's never too late.

Coz

BeABetterMan - how are you going? Are you OK?

Surrendered19

You are not alone BABM. You told us recently of two pretty awesome-sounding kids that need you desperately. You sound like a great Dad. Let the kids be Reasons #1 & #2 to quit this mess forever. Time to walk away from the fight.

courage2

BeABetterMan, I like your username. I think your name is what you want to be. You can get what you want. You never have to drink again, and you never have to have another hangover or hate yourself for being a drunk.

lessgravity

Lots of good advice here. I know, like most here, what you are going through and I've been there as well. You aren't alone, we all are here and we've been there. But you alone can right this ship. It just takes work and time. Put in the work, be patient. It's an hour by hour thing. You being here again is all the proof I need/you need to know there's something in you that wants sobriety.

Delilah1

I just got caught up on your thread. I am sorry you drank, but really glad to see you sober now, and posting.

I know the world is a little crazy right now, and you may be feeling alone, but there is always lots of support on here. Think back to what you were doing right before you started drinking, an plan out what you can do differently if in the same situation again. Logging in here and posting is always a good option.

Another thing you may want to look into is a phone or video counseling appt. You may not be able to go in person, but you can check in online.

Looking forward to watching you get that sober time back again.

Be123

Morning BABM. I'm on day 83 sober today. My life is pretty hard at the moment but I am extremely, incredibly grateful that I am sober and approaching these difficulties sober.

Why tell you that? - because my career of giving up booze is the most hopeless, pathetic, pointless, depressing tale you'd ever hear. I know this isn't a competition but.......I plummed the depths. Repeatedly. Over. And. Over. And. OVER.

But the amazing thing about this is that if you don't drink today, then you will be sober at bedtime! No ifs, no buts, no maybes. It really is that simple. Simple, but not easy to do.

That's all I'm doing today, and as each day turns into the next I learn more and add more things in to protect myself and make myself happy.

You can do this BABM and Ive also got the strong suspicion you WILL do it because you keep coming back

BeABetterMan

I love you Be. I really do. You’re an angel.

I’m m drinking now to cope but plan tomstoo
tomorrow.

freedomfries

But tomorrow you could just say "I'll quit tomorrow"

Wouldn't it be better to get the hangover out of the way sooner than later?

Dee74

I hope you can stop.

D

Gabe1980

Hey BetterMan, Just checking in and reading your posts. I get all those feelings of self-hatred and that black hole you were sitting in. I know how easy it is to drink when you feel like that. You have the strength to give it another go and I promise, after a little while, you'll start feeling a bit better and more able to cope with this. There are lots of people rooting for you man......just give it another try.

Surrendered19

Be123 is the best BABM. You are right about that. Re-read his post above approximately 30 times today. I hope you are in one piece when you swim up from the depths of drunk sleep. Keep it real simple today and be gentle with yourself. Let's all hit the pillow sober tonight. Let us know how you are doing today.