Lowest Point Now
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Re: Lowest Point Now
Life has taught me that people change when they hurt enough and have to or when they learn enough and want to.
Sounds like you just hit a double! That's a good thing!
When your values and purpose in life trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Sounds like you just hit a double! That's a good thing!
When your values and purpose in life trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 65
Re: Lowest Point Now
I did see my doctor today and he has arranged for me to see a counselor. He also prescribed some anxiety med for the next month it felt good to do something positive. On the down side I talked to a lawyer and my supposed 1 night in jail will be most likely 10. Big difference. I’m finding all this hard to process as our families lives are in financial free fall due to covid and now this. I haven’t stopped beating myself up and again am up at 1 am with 3 hours sleep. My tendency to cycle on stuff is on overdrive and this is a tough one to keep looking at. At the moment the last thing I want is a drink I also checked into my fort zoom AA meeting to see what they were like.
Everyone is so supportive. THANK YOU
Everyone is so supportive. THANK YOU
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,973
Re: Lowest Point Now
Hey tick
I can list a hundred adjectives that describe how terrible and difficult it is to go through getting a DUI (I have had six)
I have no words of wisdom beyond what has already been shared.I know the first few days can be super rough. I have always looked at this site for help through the first couple of weeks:
https://www.verywellmind.com/is-this...-it-last-80197
Gives first hand accounts from real sufferers day by day through the first 2 weeks of recovery and beyond. Has always taken the fear out of things for me.
Stick with us tick !
I can list a hundred adjectives that describe how terrible and difficult it is to go through getting a DUI (I have had six)
I have no words of wisdom beyond what has already been shared.I know the first few days can be super rough. I have always looked at this site for help through the first couple of weeks:
https://www.verywellmind.com/is-this...-it-last-80197
Gives first hand accounts from real sufferers day by day through the first 2 weeks of recovery and beyond. Has always taken the fear out of things for me.
Stick with us tick !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 65
Re: Lowest Point Now
Thanks TiredCarpenter.
Yes I def get some of those early symptoms. I’m a binger soo i get them everytime. For me lately I’m good for 4 -8 weeks. Then I’m in it ears back for 3 days until my body shuts down.
Right now it’s the fear of $$ , jail, and $. Funny the alcohol part isn’t even on the worry list as I know I will stay clean this time. Other times I always planned on a booze vacation but not the f word -“forever” aghhhh. Not to say I’m not working on it on how I want to travel this road - smart recovery, AA something else. Def SR.
That’s all I’ve been doing and stressing. It’s nice to hear from someone who experienceda DUI. I always it would be my lowest point and I always knew I’d get caught and I always kept doing it lately. How crazy is that for a non addict to look at.
Yes I def get some of those early symptoms. I’m a binger soo i get them everytime. For me lately I’m good for 4 -8 weeks. Then I’m in it ears back for 3 days until my body shuts down.
Right now it’s the fear of $$ , jail, and $. Funny the alcohol part isn’t even on the worry list as I know I will stay clean this time. Other times I always planned on a booze vacation but not the f word -“forever” aghhhh. Not to say I’m not working on it on how I want to travel this road - smart recovery, AA something else. Def SR.
That’s all I’ve been doing and stressing. It’s nice to hear from someone who experienceda DUI. I always it would be my lowest point and I always knew I’d get caught and I always kept doing it lately. How crazy is that for a non addict to look at.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Re: Lowest Point Now
I'm sorry about what you're going through. I hope you're able to ask for the help you need.
This process can be framed as an existential moment, stepping out of our everydayness, a time of deep reflection -- in the absence of alcohol and drugs. It is otherwise a natural state of being.
In retrospect, a state of generalized indifference has been among the scariest ongoing experiences in my life. Nothing good and several bad things have always come with it.
This process can be framed as an existential moment, stepping out of our everydayness, a time of deep reflection -- in the absence of alcohol and drugs. It is otherwise a natural state of being.
In retrospect, a state of generalized indifference has been among the scariest ongoing experiences in my life. Nothing good and several bad things have always come with it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Re: Lowest Point Now
Hi Tick,
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve had going on, and also for what brought you back to SR, but glad you are back.Â
I joined this forum in 2012, and took my last drink December 31, 2015. Â I had lots of periods of sobriety prior to that, but I always left the window open to maybe try moderation in the future, and it always led me right back to drinking too much.Â
I have over four years sobriety thanks to the amazing support on this site. I found the monthly class very helpful when I was first getting sober, that January of 2016 class was my rock. Several of us are still checking in and sober today. I then found the 24 Hour Recovery Thread to be really helpful. I can commit to 24 hours, and the people in that thread are like a family, we support each other through tough times, and celebrate the good ones. Why don’t you join us on there. Also check out the April 2020 and the May 2020 once it’s up and running.
I know you have things looming over you with the DUI and everything else, but try to focus on the moment and what you can control. I have had to work harder at that during this pandemic, but mindfulness is a very powerful tool.
Looking forward to seeing your posts, and celebrating your successes.
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve had going on, and also for what brought you back to SR, but glad you are back.Â
I joined this forum in 2012, and took my last drink December 31, 2015. Â I had lots of periods of sobriety prior to that, but I always left the window open to maybe try moderation in the future, and it always led me right back to drinking too much.Â
I have over four years sobriety thanks to the amazing support on this site. I found the monthly class very helpful when I was first getting sober, that January of 2016 class was my rock. Several of us are still checking in and sober today. I then found the 24 Hour Recovery Thread to be really helpful. I can commit to 24 hours, and the people in that thread are like a family, we support each other through tough times, and celebrate the good ones. Why don’t you join us on there. Also check out the April 2020 and the May 2020 once it’s up and running.
I know you have things looming over you with the DUI and everything else, but try to focus on the moment and what you can control. I have had to work harder at that during this pandemic, but mindfulness is a very powerful tool.
Looking forward to seeing your posts, and celebrating your successes.
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,973
Re: Lowest Point Now
Tick
I too was a binge drinker. Good for 2-3 weeks then in it for 3-5 days. Any binge that went past 3 days would get really, really ugly.
I am super grateful to be sober today.
You’ll get through this.
If you remain sober until court, present yourself well and express genuine regret for your actions: I have found the judge to be very real and human about things each time. Have left court pleasantly surprised each time.Judges are human as well.
Stay well. Keep posting!
I too was a binge drinker. Good for 2-3 weeks then in it for 3-5 days. Any binge that went past 3 days would get really, really ugly.
I am super grateful to be sober today.
You’ll get through this.
If you remain sober until court, present yourself well and express genuine regret for your actions: I have found the judge to be very real and human about things each time. Have left court pleasantly surprised each time.Judges are human as well.
Stay well. Keep posting!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Re: Lowest Point Now
Tick, I understand how stressful it is for you with the DUI in your life and the financial issues imposed by the covid virus. But, you can get through this. 
Stay focused and try to relax using exercise, music, meditation or whatever works for you.
Stay focused and try to relax using exercise, music, meditation or whatever works for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Don't let yourself think about not drinking "forever" that will set you into panic and failure...You can not drink for the next minute, hour or couple hours and then night falls...and you did it...and you can get up and just do that again.....eventually, you will feel better...physically and then mentally....This stuff is bad..your wifes health...and this DWI on top of it...that is a lot of stress for one family to bear....
You could still find yourself drinking as the stress and Covid...is pushing so many over the edge...but if you do find yourself drinking...just know that you are going to have to stop...your daughter and your wife are going to need you to be strong...you will need you to be strong as you have a tough year coming up and everything is handled better sober....It doesn't seem like it right now but even if you can manage to just keep it up not drinking...get back to where you were when your able to put 3 weeks together...and so many things could change by then..you could start feeling more positive....and your wife and daughter will start to trust you....just an hour at a time you can do this...
And you will get thru all this stuff...and get thru it better with a clear head.
You could still find yourself drinking as the stress and Covid...is pushing so many over the edge...but if you do find yourself drinking...just know that you are going to have to stop...your daughter and your wife are going to need you to be strong...you will need you to be strong as you have a tough year coming up and everything is handled better sober....It doesn't seem like it right now but even if you can manage to just keep it up not drinking...get back to where you were when your able to put 3 weeks together...and so many things could change by then..you could start feeling more positive....and your wife and daughter will start to trust you....just an hour at a time you can do this...
And you will get thru all this stuff...and get thru it better with a clear head.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 65
Hi Dee.
One good thing is my wife’s tests came back negative. That a big one off. The other stuff emotionally has been unfortunately what I’m mostly focused on as it effects me sooner. I have been going to online AA once or twice daily. I’m not quite getting it but I’m showing up and definitely learning something.
While I’m confident that I won’t drink again I’m also confident I will have those urges so I’m building my foundation of sobriety. I can not drink but I want that peace within that decision. Unfortunately that will be skewed by the repercussions of my DUI. I want to live happy with my sobriety. I am trying to live in the moment but it is the single toughest thing to do with bad behind and in front.
There will be many many more soul searching moments in my future before my mess starts to clear. But alcohol will not be my solution.
One good thing is my wife’s tests came back negative. That a big one off. The other stuff emotionally has been unfortunately what I’m mostly focused on as it effects me sooner. I have been going to online AA once or twice daily. I’m not quite getting it but I’m showing up and definitely learning something.
While I’m confident that I won’t drink again I’m also confident I will have those urges so I’m building my foundation of sobriety. I can not drink but I want that peace within that decision. Unfortunately that will be skewed by the repercussions of my DUI. I want to live happy with my sobriety. I am trying to live in the moment but it is the single toughest thing to do with bad behind and in front.
There will be many many more soul searching moments in my future before my mess starts to clear. But alcohol will not be my solution.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 16
I often think about all of the times I drove drunk, drove drunk with my kids in the car, drove drunk during work hours, etc. I can’t wrap my head around the unimaginable risks I took with other people’s lives and how I never once even considered what could happen. I was effectively willing to trade someone’s life for the selfish decision to drink away my stress, fears and anxieties. We are flawed men, Tick. Flawed but not unfixable. We can change our ways and make up our indiscretions by helping our fellow addicts once we’re on stable footing. I’m only 47 days in and this isn’t my first attempt at sobriety but I’m committed to make this time stick. You can do it too. Everyone is behind you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm glad for the good news about your wife Tick.
The DUI - who knows - I've seen people here expect a certain amount of jail time and get much lighter sentences or even in some cases get off without punishment because the court can see they are making a sincere and concerted effort to stay sober.
D
The DUI - who knows - I've seen people here expect a certain amount of jail time and get much lighter sentences or even in some cases get off without punishment because the court can see they are making a sincere and concerted effort to stay sober.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 65
SELFISHNESS ...
This is something I see this time. How I manipulated so many people & circumstances around my selfish desire to have alcohol. So many people I could have injured or killed. Ironically my selfishness continues as my DUI will take so much away from my family. I do realize that they will get a better me but alcohol will take its last dying swipe at them.
So much of my energies I gave to alcohol. Either in the scheming, the lying orbthe post illness. I was a master of deception (in my head) but in reality it was only me being really deceived.
The depths of my selfishness were unbelievable. I know that an event like this has forced me to FINALLY acknowledge the true depth of my addiction. Before I wouldn’t totally go to how bad it was and how I was powerless once I tasted it. How I spent so much time thinking of it and robbing me of the joy of living.
Thank you all for the support.
This is something I see this time. How I manipulated so many people & circumstances around my selfish desire to have alcohol. So many people I could have injured or killed. Ironically my selfishness continues as my DUI will take so much away from my family. I do realize that they will get a better me but alcohol will take its last dying swipe at them.
So much of my energies I gave to alcohol. Either in the scheming, the lying orbthe post illness. I was a master of deception (in my head) but in reality it was only me being really deceived.
The depths of my selfishness were unbelievable. I know that an event like this has forced me to FINALLY acknowledge the true depth of my addiction. Before I wouldn’t totally go to how bad it was and how I was powerless once I tasted it. How I spent so much time thinking of it and robbing me of the joy of living.
Thank you all for the support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 133
Tick, I've had a DUI, many people in this country (USA) have. I'm not trying to minimize yours but as someone else pointed out - it could have been much, much worse. Thank God it wasn't; you can use it as an opportunity to change your life for the better.
I'm happy to hear about your wife's health! That should be a big weight off of your chest. The pandemic thing is stressing everyone out and is compounded by substance abuse, in our case it's alcohol. However, hearing how reflective you are and seeing how you want to change is a MAJOR plus, and is motivating to others, including me.
The court deal is there, but judges can be lenient much of the time, as long as they see that you are trying to make a change. Even if you do have to go serve a few days, you'll be out before you know it and concentrate on rebuilding with your family. Thanks for the inspiration to stay sober!
I'm happy to hear about your wife's health! That should be a big weight off of your chest. The pandemic thing is stressing everyone out and is compounded by substance abuse, in our case it's alcohol. However, hearing how reflective you are and seeing how you want to change is a MAJOR plus, and is motivating to others, including me.
The court deal is there, but judges can be lenient much of the time, as long as they see that you are trying to make a change. Even if you do have to go serve a few days, you'll be out before you know it and concentrate on rebuilding with your family. Thanks for the inspiration to stay sober!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 133
Originally Posted by StuckInMyHead 
I often think about all of the times I drove drunk, drove drunk with my kids in the car, drove drunk during work hours, etc. I can’t wrap my head around the unimaginable risks I took with other people’s lives and how I never once even considered what could happen. I was effectively willing to trade someone’s life for the selfish decision to drink away my stress, fears and anxieties. We are flawed men, Tick. Flawed but not unfixable. We can change our ways and make up our indiscretions by helping our fellow addicts once we’re on stable footing. I’m only 47 days in and this isn’t my first attempt at sobriety but I’m committed to make this time stick. You can do it too. Everyone is behind you!
This was me as well (congrats on your 47 days). I was driving around **** drunk and putting other people's lives at risk for my own selfish reasons. Maybe Tick can utilize what many people have been through and eventually learn to forgive himself. It can be a journey, but it's one worth taking.
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