Tick

After years of battling alcoholism I finally got the first DUI. I was bound to happen. I drank way too much. It’s been tough. Our business is shut for last 6weeks with no family income and a home and business to keep paying on. This week I found out my wife might have breast cancer.and mom just died this week. I haven’t been sleeping at all or eating.Â
My 18 was with me when they took me away. I will never forgive myself. I know that I needed this to start my 100% commitment to an alcohol free life. I’ve done this before and knew I could control it. Lol. I read posts like this and thought that is never me. To those reading this. This could be u in the future. Â How do I start to recover? Â How do I forgive? Â How do I cope? I am going to see my doctor tomorrow to see what I can do. Â If I haven’t managed my anxiety before than how now with court hanging over me in a month if it opens (covid) up then. Please help if so one is out there. I’m scared sad and sick of living.Â

Dee74

I;m sorry to read all that Tick. Tough times.
There is something you can do tho - and right now - stay sober.
Use the support and ideas here.
Lay at least one of your burdens down?

Best wishes for your wifes health
D

Tick

Thank you Dee. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. I knew I was falling but I didn’t care. It has always been about my booze. I’m a binge drinker. Do I’m great for 3 weeks than I’m drinking 3 days straight. Hiding it and driving to get more while intoxicated. I am so ashamed yet I feel numb. It is so nice to have someone answer me. My family is great to me  but I am not. Right now I’m lying beside my daughter as was so upset from 2 days ago and me been taken away. I am so sad.Â

Dee74

You can rebuild Tick.
It's the basis of everyone's story here

Be123

Hi Tick, what a terrible run you've had. Sorry To hear about it all.

Some people would say: 'F it, I've cocked up so I may as well hit it hard'. To do the opposite shows strength of character

Zevin

Hi Tick, how are you doing?

Tick

I’m not sure how I am. I finally got about 5 hours sleep. First since Friday night. This situation is so scary to me. Going for help is too but I need to. I can’t see a happiness ahead so I’m pretty down.

Sober369

Welcome back to SR, Tick. I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time of it. Take it one day at a time, little pieces of the day even. I hope your doctor's appointment goes well. Maybe they'll set you up with a treatment or a counselor. I'm sure you've thought of how it could have been much worse, you could have been in an accident that hurt your son. So, in a way, you're really lucky. I know you can get past this. I'm glad you came here to SR for support.

PalmerSage

We are here for you. Do your best to think about what you can do to stay sober for today, and if you can, list some things to be grateful for (a DUI is horrific, but it doesn't sound like you caused any injuries or God forbid, death to anyone else). Everyone is, or should be, stuck inside so you have a little bit of time to process the impact of possibly not driving for a while. You are using this rock bottom moment in the best way possible. Show your child what resilience and recovery look like. You absolutely CAN make it through this, and you're not alone. Please take good care, and keep posting.

Noam19

We're here for you Tick. One of the most powerful motivators for me on by sobriety journey has been my kids and how it's impacted them. They are old enough to know what's up and express their feelings on the matter. It sucks, and I know you're hurting right now, but use their fear and sadness as a motivator in this. Imagine how great it will be down the road to share those 30 day, 60 day and more milestones with them!

Tick

Thank you for the support and love.

I will try to more forward one day at a time. I’ve stopped before but I never said forever and never sought professional help.

Yes. This is a blessing in disguise but it a tough one. That’s what I needed though. I am also going to look into my anxiety issues which has gotten much worse over the last 5 years. I will post regularly. The cycling in my mind makes this challenging.

This forum was my entire foundation for my 2 year sobriety. When I started drinking again I stopped looking at it. Lesson learned

Surrendered19

Hi Tick. I'm so sorry you are hurting. I don't know much but I know this - there is happiness ahead. There is sadness and humility and amends. But there is happiness too. A certainty if you don't drink. I know this too - this is not necessarily your lowest point. Not by the longest shot. That's all there is to say about that. I hope you are on the mend Tick.

anxiousrock

I know this pandemic is a hard time but that doesn't mean to put lives at danger.
if you want fast immediate support go to the 24 hour AA meeting online!

lessgravity

Sorry to hear about your troubles. But you're back here so it's clear what you most desire. Getting sober for our kids sake is one of the most powerful leverages we can add to the equation. If you were sober for two years you know what kind of work you need to get started on. Today's the day.

DriGuy

I got one DUI. I could say it changed my life, but more accurately, it was just the straw that broke the camels back. When I was pulled over, the first thought that ran through my mind (but I didn't verbally communicate) was, "It sure took you guys long enough."
I was given a ton of fines, penalties, special fees, and assignments.

I was a respected person in my small town and judge assigned me to the usual "drunk school" ritual, and commented that he knew I didn't really need it. He said it in a way as if he were anticipating me to say I didn't need it. But in fact what I was thinking to myself was how little he really knew me, and how much I actually needed drunk school or some sort of outside help.
Drunk school put me in touch with a counselor, and did provide some information that may or may not have been useful, but I entered one on one counseling with the counselor after drunk school was done, and that got me started. Although it would be another 6 months before I finally put down the bottle. But that six months was an eye opener. I swore I would do something about my drinking, but I didn't. I swore I would not drive my car when I was drinking, but I didn't do that either. This was a time when I realized how pitiful and hopeless I was without alcohol, which I needed every night.
Drunk School wasn't exactly the turning point either, just another straw on the camel's back. One thing led to another until I finally committed myself to never having another drink for the rest of my life. That is what I consider the turning point, and it's when my life changed rather quickly.

biminiblue

That crazy spinning brain is actually caused by the alcohol...I wouldn't have believed it until it went away when I quit drinking. It didn't happen right away, but it happened after a few months. I hope you will give your body and nervous system time to settle down and heal.


You will know peace.


Glad you made it back. I hope you can be there to support your wife in this difficult time.

Zevin

Getting 5 hours of sleep is a good thing!

Tick

I am glad to be back. I kinda replaced booze with these forums last time. Definitely a better trade. I do need internal peace. The court case will certainty mean jail time of a week. If I could go today I would but have to wait maybe month and half till court reopens. Having that over my head is the part for now that is circling me down. Later will be the adjustment of no alcohol but now it’s the immediate trouble. I am done of alcohol and this life of lies.

Anna

Tick, I'm sorry for your troubles but glad that you're here and determined to stop drinking for good.
I imagine with the DUI hanging over you, it will cause a lot of anxiety for you until it's settled. But, hopefully you can use this to help you through the early days and beyond.
Forgiving yourself will probably be a process and may not happen all at once.

MissOverIt

Hi Tick, I’m so sorry to hear this but am happy you are here. I am exact type of drinker and know that even when I can stay sober for long periods, one drink will spin me into a drinking fiend for several days until I just can’t stomach another one. The damage that I do unravels all of my sober time and I know hands-down I can never drink safely again. These next couple of months will suck but they will pass and we can be sober together and grow and have fantastic lives. We’re here with you!!Â