Day 8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 73
Day 8
Hi Guys,
Day 8 here and just like I said in my previous posts I knew the booze dragon would not let me go easy. Yesterday was a Mother********. One of my big triggers is arguing with my GF of 15 years. In therapy the last year I uncovered a lot **** when I was a kid etc..blah blah. Yep it's painful and I have tried over years to drown the pain to no avail. Long story short I started BS with GF and man o man was it a nail biter. The cognitive dissonance in my head was INSANE to say the least. Drink, don't drink over and over. Talked to a couple buddies who don't drink and it helped a bit but man I was close.
Well the new mindset won out and I did not drink. I been keeping a journal and it was good to write out why it was a trigger etc. It made me CLEARLY see how I was trying to self medicate with alcohol. Sure it worked for a few hours, still does, but it's the aftermath that has become hell on earth. I suppose emotions are raw in the beginning and without my usual medication I feel like a child learning how to cope again and I am 52. Why I drink, emotional pain, how to cope is why I brought in the therapist.
Feel way better today and I am SUPER happy with myself that I did not wake up with a bunch of empty beer cans and an empty fifth. All that would have done would have taken fight with GF to next level and gone on for days, I'd be shaking like leaf and feeling like hell and banging brews in the am, Anxiety insane and depression. It would then go on for days. Rinse Wash Repeat and the cycle of hell continues.
I didn't allude myself that this would be easy. Nothing worth anything in life never is. I am bound and determined to get sober and repair my mind from the damage drinking has done. I started working out again. I am taking it slow but I feel better for doing something. I am bound and determined to hang until I get what both of my sober buddies keep telling me. " life is so much easier sober and you will have an even better time sober vs. drunk". Nowhere close to that right now but the thing for me I knew both these guys drunk, one sober like 11 years the other 2, and both are night day different in a good way and happy. I know it will take time but dammit I am going to at least hang out without a drink till I get to the point they talk about and if miserable at that point I can always go back to the hell of the bottle.
Heading out float fishing tomorrow down the river. I can't even remember the last time I floated without a beer and whiskey in the cooler. I fish a lot, around 70-90 days a year. It's nice to feel free of not having to stock the cooler.
Thanks for letting me rant
Day 8 here and just like I said in my previous posts I knew the booze dragon would not let me go easy. Yesterday was a Mother********. One of my big triggers is arguing with my GF of 15 years. In therapy the last year I uncovered a lot **** when I was a kid etc..blah blah. Yep it's painful and I have tried over years to drown the pain to no avail. Long story short I started BS with GF and man o man was it a nail biter. The cognitive dissonance in my head was INSANE to say the least. Drink, don't drink over and over. Talked to a couple buddies who don't drink and it helped a bit but man I was close.
Well the new mindset won out and I did not drink. I been keeping a journal and it was good to write out why it was a trigger etc. It made me CLEARLY see how I was trying to self medicate with alcohol. Sure it worked for a few hours, still does, but it's the aftermath that has become hell on earth. I suppose emotions are raw in the beginning and without my usual medication I feel like a child learning how to cope again and I am 52. Why I drink, emotional pain, how to cope is why I brought in the therapist.
Feel way better today and I am SUPER happy with myself that I did not wake up with a bunch of empty beer cans and an empty fifth. All that would have done would have taken fight with GF to next level and gone on for days, I'd be shaking like leaf and feeling like hell and banging brews in the am, Anxiety insane and depression. It would then go on for days. Rinse Wash Repeat and the cycle of hell continues.
I didn't allude myself that this would be easy. Nothing worth anything in life never is. I am bound and determined to get sober and repair my mind from the damage drinking has done. I started working out again. I am taking it slow but I feel better for doing something. I am bound and determined to hang until I get what both of my sober buddies keep telling me. " life is so much easier sober and you will have an even better time sober vs. drunk". Nowhere close to that right now but the thing for me I knew both these guys drunk, one sober like 11 years the other 2, and both are night day different in a good way and happy. I know it will take time but dammit I am going to at least hang out without a drink till I get to the point they talk about and if miserable at that point I can always go back to the hell of the bottle.
Heading out float fishing tomorrow down the river. I can't even remember the last time I floated without a beer and whiskey in the cooler. I fish a lot, around 70-90 days a year. It's nice to feel free of not having to stock the cooler.
Thanks for letting me rant
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,204
Well done on 8 days crown, excellent.
If possible I would try to avoid confrontations in very early recovery when our emotional stability is under the stress of withdrawal. It is the easiest thing in the world to then pick up.
Good luck fishing!
If possible I would try to avoid confrontations in very early recovery when our emotional stability is under the stress of withdrawal. It is the easiest thing in the world to then pick up.
Good luck fishing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
Well done on 8 days crown, excellent.
If possible I would try to avoid confrontations in very early recovery when our emotional stability is under the stress of withdrawal. It is the easiest thing in the world to then pick up.
Good luck fishing!
If possible I would try to avoid confrontations in very early recovery when our emotional stability is under the stress of withdrawal. It is the easiest thing in the world to then pick up.
Good luck fishing!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Congratulation on taking the steps to get to day 8!!
I was you just a few short weeks ago.
"Try to avoid confrontations in early recovery", was going to say the same thing.
"Emotions are raw in the beginning", exactly. Has taken me time to sort some things out, still working on some things, but at least there is a chance of doing so while sober and thinking clearly. The feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, and resentment will level out and you will be able to come to terms with them.
Stopping for a 12-pack on the way home was enormously ingrained in my normal daily routine, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was not that hard to overcome. Arguments with my wife, son, and dad are the worst for bringing on thoughts of drinking. Opening up and reading the posts of others here on SR has been a huge help.
Stay the course and things will definitely improve.
I was you just a few short weeks ago.
"Try to avoid confrontations in early recovery", was going to say the same thing.
"Emotions are raw in the beginning", exactly. Has taken me time to sort some things out, still working on some things, but at least there is a chance of doing so while sober and thinking clearly. The feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, and resentment will level out and you will be able to come to terms with them.
Stopping for a 12-pack on the way home was enormously ingrained in my normal daily routine, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was not that hard to overcome. Arguments with my wife, son, and dad are the worst for bringing on thoughts of drinking. Opening up and reading the posts of others here on SR has been a huge help.
Stay the course and things will definitely improve.
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