I’m not missing A.A.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 67
I’m not missing A.A.
Anyone else feel like this?
I was not a devoted A.A. member before recent circumstances, and was going to stop going anyway. Or rather I wanted to stop going as I didn’t think it suited me. Yet, like drinking, i would think - oh I’ll just go to tonight’s meeting and stop tomorrow.
I couldn’t take the step to stop completely. Maybe there was a bit of fear or shame at leaving I don’t know.
But the last few weeks I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having a whole lot of extra time that I would’ve spent at AA. Time I’ve used productively. Not only that but I feel like I’m thinking positively and constructively about the future - rather than just doing what I need for the day.
I’ve not been close to a drink, I’ve not gone mad, I’m not a dry drunk - the opposite of these things. I’ve stayed in touch with the people I like and get on with.
but after going cold turkey I doubt I’ll be going back and it feels liberating.
PS - this is not meant to start a pro or against A.A. debate, just wondering if anyone else has felt similar during these times. Fwiw- AA helped me immensely- especially in the first 6 months.
I was not a devoted A.A. member before recent circumstances, and was going to stop going anyway. Or rather I wanted to stop going as I didn’t think it suited me. Yet, like drinking, i would think - oh I’ll just go to tonight’s meeting and stop tomorrow.
I couldn’t take the step to stop completely. Maybe there was a bit of fear or shame at leaving I don’t know.
But the last few weeks I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having a whole lot of extra time that I would’ve spent at AA. Time I’ve used productively. Not only that but I feel like I’m thinking positively and constructively about the future - rather than just doing what I need for the day.
I’ve not been close to a drink, I’ve not gone mad, I’m not a dry drunk - the opposite of these things. I’ve stayed in touch with the people I like and get on with.
but after going cold turkey I doubt I’ll be going back and it feels liberating.
PS - this is not meant to start a pro or against A.A. debate, just wondering if anyone else has felt similar during these times. Fwiw- AA helped me immensely- especially in the first 6 months.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I've been in and out of AA since about 1986, maybe earlier. I've witnessed a lot of tragedies. There is a reason I made a commitment to a specific number of meetings per week and I meet that commitment weekly (for almost 9 years now).
Do what you need to. AA will be there if you change your mind. Otherwise, life will be fantastic.
I will meet my weekly commitment and continue to stay stopped from imbibing.
Do what you need to. AA will be there if you change your mind. Otherwise, life will be fantastic.
I will meet my weekly commitment and continue to stay stopped from imbibing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
Not with the group therapy as I had left that a month or so before this all began.
But I was still having individual sessions with a doctor and a therapist and I was worried about not having them. But like you, I haven't missed them. Maybe I was just ready for it to end and move on.
However, I've also noticed that I'm not missing other things. I used to love going to a bar near my house and having a coffee and reading the newspapers. I felt it was an essential part of my routine but now I'm at home and I don't miss it. I think I've just substituted it for other things.
But I was still having individual sessions with a doctor and a therapist and I was worried about not having them. But like you, I haven't missed them. Maybe I was just ready for it to end and move on.
However, I've also noticed that I'm not missing other things. I used to love going to a bar near my house and having a coffee and reading the newspapers. I felt it was an essential part of my routine but now I'm at home and I don't miss it. I think I've just substituted it for other things.
AA member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 872
I am missing my meetings,I attend at least two a week,often more.After almost seventeen years AA is a big part of my life.
But I am in contact with a lot of friends from the rooms and doing online meetings.
But I am in contact with a lot of friends from the rooms and doing online meetings.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
I no longer attend, but I stopped about a year ago, well before coronavirus.
When I was struggling to get sober, I finally gave up trying to do it on my own, and went to AA. AA and daily involvement on this website were key ingredients in helping me to finally get, and stay sober.
But that was 10 years ago and after about 5 or 6 years my AA involvement started to decrease, and I haven't been to a meeting in over a year. However, I wouldn't hesitate to return if I felt I was in danger of drinking.
When I was struggling to get sober, I finally gave up trying to do it on my own, and went to AA. AA and daily involvement on this website were key ingredients in helping me to finally get, and stay sober.
But that was 10 years ago and after about 5 or 6 years my AA involvement started to decrease, and I haven't been to a meeting in over a year. However, I wouldn't hesitate to return if I felt I was in danger of drinking.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I've felt that way... then drank.
Not saying any group or program will keep you or me sober; that's completely an inside job. But I am saying check your motivation very carefully. Addiction is a clever nasty beast that can and does disguise itself as healthy thinking.
At least mine is...
O
Not saying any group or program will keep you or me sober; that's completely an inside job. But I am saying check your motivation very carefully. Addiction is a clever nasty beast that can and does disguise itself as healthy thinking.
At least mine is...
O
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,706
I do a few online meetings now, for me the most important thing is contact with people; be it online, on the phone or better yet, face-face (which we can't do currently)
I will probably return to face-face AA meetings once things are back to normal. Will I go to AA meetings forever? who knows, I find some people become way too over dependent on them a lot of the time. For me, the most important thing is a real desire to stay sober, everything else will follow then.
I will probably return to face-face AA meetings once things are back to normal. Will I go to AA meetings forever? who knows, I find some people become way too over dependent on them a lot of the time. For me, the most important thing is a real desire to stay sober, everything else will follow then.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I always left before the hand-holding crap. For the very reason a room full of strangers should not be holding hands especially during flu season. Now let's see if AA bans the practice when Coronavirus passes
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Lets keep our language respectful. One persons 'crap' is often another persons sincere belief.
Rule 4:
Dee
Administrator
SR
Rule 4:
No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
Administrator
SR
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I miss AA meetings very much.
But I credit my continued sobriety to my daily relationship with God and my working the 12 Steps.
I’ve been in AA for half of my life and most of my adult life, including going to meetings.
At this point, I miss them very much.
I actually plan to join in on some Zoom meetings this weekend.
I would advise against throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to meetings.
The downside consequences of losing my sobriety are entirely too great for me to abandon something which has helped me get sober and stay sober based on the unproven supposition that I may not need it.
I have no interest in risking my sobriety.
But I credit my continued sobriety to my daily relationship with God and my working the 12 Steps.
I’ve been in AA for half of my life and most of my adult life, including going to meetings.
At this point, I miss them very much.
I actually plan to join in on some Zoom meetings this weekend.
I would advise against throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to meetings.
The downside consequences of losing my sobriety are entirely too great for me to abandon something which has helped me get sober and stay sober based on the unproven supposition that I may not need it.
I have no interest in risking my sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I was always skeptical of being told if I didn't go to meetings I would drink again, but I did feel it was in my best interests to do the 90 meetings in 90 days, whether I needed it or not. After that, I attended meetings regularly for a while, but knew I didn't need AA anymore. Obviously, none of that holds true for everyone.
I think it's important to be honest with yourself to know what you need to do and don't slack off on that ever. The hard thing is knowing when you're being honest and when you are in denial. To try to cover that possibility, I always tried to err on the side of safety. It apparently worked.
This was not hard for me, because I honestly thought I had nothing more important to do than solving my drinking problem. If anyone thinks they have better things to do than follow their program to the letter, I would advise that person to take a hard look at themselves.
I think it's important to be honest with yourself to know what you need to do and don't slack off on that ever. The hard thing is knowing when you're being honest and when you are in denial. To try to cover that possibility, I always tried to err on the side of safety. It apparently worked.
This was not hard for me, because I honestly thought I had nothing more important to do than solving my drinking problem. If anyone thinks they have better things to do than follow their program to the letter, I would advise that person to take a hard look at themselves.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
for me, drinking was a learned bad habit like picking my nose 
that learned bad habit was replaced by a new learned good habit of AA meetings
and after more than 8000 meetings (most days x 28 years), I'm still sober
that learned bad habit was replaced by a new learned good habit of AA meetings
and after more than 8000 meetings (most days x 28 years), I'm still sober
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Gratitude is the fuel for my meeting attendance. I don't want other people to miss their opportunity at what was freely given to me.
Experience and past history has shown me, if I don't miss or need meetings, it is time to rethink and get out of self. I create all sorts of problems in self. I find solutions out of self.
Experience and past history has shown me, if I don't miss or need meetings, it is time to rethink and get out of self. I create all sorts of problems in self. I find solutions out of self.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 67
It really is whatever works for you I guess.
but being forced in to making a change (not going to meetings) has proved what I suspected and that I would be happier without meetings and AA. I won’t return now, maybe on occasion especially when travelling.
as said above I’ve also realised that I don’t need other things that I thought were essential to my sanity eg multiple daily trips to coffee shops which I thought I would go mad without - nope instead I’ve been more productive and saved loads on coffee! These will be occasional treats in future too.
i suppose life has been taken down to a base level. I’m thinking what I want to add to this base level when the world reopens and why add things that I don’t miss?
but being forced in to making a change (not going to meetings) has proved what I suspected and that I would be happier without meetings and AA. I won’t return now, maybe on occasion especially when travelling.
as said above I’ve also realised that I don’t need other things that I thought were essential to my sanity eg multiple daily trips to coffee shops which I thought I would go mad without - nope instead I’ve been more productive and saved loads on coffee! These will be occasional treats in future too.
i suppose life has been taken down to a base level. I’m thinking what I want to add to this base level when the world reopens and why add things that I don’t miss?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 3
Missing mine!
Hey everyone,
I'm definitely missing mine... I've used "social isolation" as a way of life for over fifty years, not wanting to deal with people any more than was unavoidable, and avoiding elective social situations like the plague (or Covid!). With almost 3 years into AA, I've been dragged (kicking and screaming for the most part) out of my shell of isolation, and AA pretty much IS my social life at this point. I find that I actually look forward to seeing the regulars at the three weekly meetings I attend (still with a large helping of 'stage fright,' but it's become *way* more manageable than it's ever been). I'm hoping I don't lose ground in this prolonged period of isolation. Zoom meetings help, but there's no coffee, no cookies, no hugs or handshakes... things that have come to mean a lot to me.
I'm definitely missing mine... I've used "social isolation" as a way of life for over fifty years, not wanting to deal with people any more than was unavoidable, and avoiding elective social situations like the plague (or Covid!). With almost 3 years into AA, I've been dragged (kicking and screaming for the most part) out of my shell of isolation, and AA pretty much IS my social life at this point. I find that I actually look forward to seeing the regulars at the three weekly meetings I attend (still with a large helping of 'stage fright,' but it's become *way* more manageable than it's ever been). I'm hoping I don't lose ground in this prolonged period of isolation. Zoom meetings help, but there's no coffee, no cookies, no hugs or handshakes... things that have come to mean a lot to me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
I've never been to any meetings, but it seems like for some there is a definite dependency. Which is neither good or bad. I guess its whatever works for each individual. I remember my doctor telling me what was important was to have a plan that met my needs in a way that was comfortable for me. I have family and friends for support, a therapist/my doctor, my own faith and religious affiliations, exercise routine etc. I think what's important is having a solid foundation and access to resources if you need them in the future. What's that old saying? Dont put all your eggs in one basket. If you've been solely reliant on your meetings/group and you leave then it could be harmful. But if it's only one part of your overall strategy then modifying your plan, and yes even eliminating components that aent working is easier/safer.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
