comtnman740

Take care of yourself Jay! Go easy and focus on staying sober today. One day at a time.
: )
Garrison

Plure

I also want to echo what others have said that your life does have value! All of ours do, we just have this crappy thing called alcoholism. I also have underlying anxiety / depression which has complicated my efforts for years to get sober long-term. AA is definitely a good resource so happy to hear you are going in that direction.

Steely

Sheeee, hope this doesn't sound like a competition.

I live on an island - Australia.

My daughter has schizophrenia.
My younger brother has schizophrenia.
I live alone.
I don't have money to buy either of them a house.
Don't have enough money to buy me one either
I have PTSD
I have depression.
I have anxiety.
I cannot take A/D's - adverse side effects.
I was abused as a child. It wasn't on the news, but I certainly see it in flashbacks.
I'm educated. Took myself to university.
You might just have to engineer yourself out of this one.

No one else can do it for you, but there is heaps of support here if you get fair dinkum. about it.

I'm sorry you had to go go through what you did. I've walked in the rain too, 'til my shoes wore down.

Getting sober has begun to turn it all around for me. Slowly and beautifully. I am so glad I've made this choice for myself. I feel so much stronger, and am truly grateful.

You said to give it to you. Now go save your life.

Hope to see you back here with Day 1 on the move.

whitejay

Omg Steely - WOW I am reading your post and thinking how how how do you survive emotionally - you are Strong Steely. Your post has grabbed my attention and I am amazed of your fortitude, strength and now your Peace
amazing, gracious story of life.
You gave me strength in so many ways.
Thank you so much for sharing. I wish I lived by you. We could talk 🌎

Hevyn

Whitejay - I'm so glad you told us what's going on. It's a temptation to suffer silently & alone. You didn't do that - a sign of hope. You matter and are an important part of this world. I understand how defeated you feel - but you can rise above this awful time and live again. It's time to get free of it for good.

ScottFromWI

You are correct, we don't all have the same depression issue that you do. But some of us have anxiety, others have ADHD, some have PTSD and the list goes on. Some people here have severe medical issues too - even terminal cancer.

But indeed -our addiction problem is EXACTLY the same. We drink because we think it will solve our other problems, or because we want to hide from them - but in every case it always makes them worse.

There is a term you might have heard called "terminal uniqueness" - basically justifying our drinking by the concept that our problems are somehow uniquely worse than everyone else.

I"m glad to hear you have decided to give a recovery group a try again, and remember someone is always here on SR 24/7 if you just need to talk.

whitejay

Hi Hevyn - its so good to hear from you.
I remember reading your posts all the time. Definitely defeated is a good description. I am a huge introvert when sober. Knowing me, daily meditation would def help. Also we have a great comm center (large w/tons of classes and sports) I finally took the first step and watched them play pickle ball. Looks Fun ! And Badminton

whitejay

Great post Scott - You are so right.
I never thought about others like cancer, Ptsd etc....thanks for opening my mind.🌝✨

Bethany57

Wow....I just read your post. I'm so sad for all you are going through. You seem like such a sweet person. Do you have a pet? I know you say you isolate yourself a lot. I wonder if you had a dog that you could take for walks that may help (especially if you live on the beach). I have a rescue and you know this dog is a magnet for conversation. Amazing how many people like to talk about their dogs. Just something to think about.....that's all. I know you have a lot to offer this world. I wish you all the very best....prayers for you.

thomas11

Sounds about right. Sheer madness. People here can give you much better advice than myself, but its up to you to make it stop. post often. It seems to help most of us.

HeadEast

I have severe medication resistant depression. I've gone through almost all the medications - there are roughly 30.

How can I possibly know if quitting alcohol was harder (or easier) for me than anyone else? I do know that drinking makes depression worse and medications less effective.

Something Scott said really appealed to me: "There is a term you might have heard called "terminal uniqueness" - basically justifying our drinking by the concept that our problems are somehow uniquely worse than everyone else."

You can do this.

Kjma

White Jay, I can see you're in a lot of emotional and perhaps physical pain. Seems to me from reading your posts that the story you tell yourself about yourself is almost entirely negative. Maybe learning how to practice some self love would lead to a strong desire for recovery. As long as you dont value yourself, you'll continue to believe you aren't worth saving, I believe. A gratitude journal, positive affirmations may help. Look for the good in you!

Steely

Dearest whitejay

Just got in from bringing in the rations. So happy to see your post, and that I was of some use. I don't know that I'm so strong whitejay. Maybe I'm mad, and don't know any better. Keep batting is all I know. It's worked so far.

I was thinking about you when I was out, and remembered you are interested in politics. Me too. Think I was born political. It's said that the personal is political, life, alcohol, all things, and cannot remember a time when politics were not on my mind.

My mum used to ban politics at the dinner table, but her word was never obliged. Poor Mum, she tried. Political in her own way.

It's true to say whitejay that things have changed for me since I stopped drinking only 58 days ago. I did have 5 years up once, but managed to screw it up on myself one more time. I reckon I've got it this time. The sense of control, and somewhat peace is unimaginably good. I hope you find this sense too.

It would be good to talk whitejay. You can PM me anytime.

Yours in solidarity, steely.

blazen

Feeling sorry for yourself isn't working. Get mad. Grab ahold of yourself and do what you want done with your life. If you want sobriety, it's not that hard. Stop ******* drinking. Deal with ****. Make your life what you want it to be. Easier said than done? Hell yea, but sitting around in a depressed, poor-me mood won't work. Make a plan an make it happen. No excuses. Do it.

whitejay

I have a rescue dog, I love dogs German Shepards, Labs, big dogs,
I take good care of her but I still feel depressed. Just getting worse.
But, I have recently put into my mind to take longer, faster, more of a work out type walks, I think that will make a difference.

whitejay

Hello everyone' I want to thank all of you for reading my posts and responding with great suggestions.
I woke up with a bad headache, ate, got ice pack for head went back to bed.
Its now almost 5pm and I am re-reading all your posts over and over again.

I know now Im not a "unique alcoholic" with my severe depression - you guys have taught me that. Opened my eyes and I thank you for being there for me yesterday.

I started back to AA , going to read Naked Mind tomorrow morning when my headache is hopefully gone. Taking dog for longer walks on beach.

Never giving this fight. HUGS to all of my SR friends:c031

Derringer

Nice one Whitejay

It is very heartening to see you making plans, laying out some actions.

Keep up the good work 👍

Hevyn

Whitesnake - I love the big guys too. Had an English Mastiff & yellow Lab. Both gone now, but will get more at some point. They helped me get sober because they deserved better than a numb & stupid human.

You sound positive & ready to do this. We know you can.

Steely

Good on you whitejay.

Hawkeye13

That’s the spirit whitejay!

It isn’t easy but it can be done.
Life really is so much better sober, although I wouldn’t have believed it during my drinking days.

You aren’t alone