Hevyn

Whitejay - So good to hear from you. I'm sorry you've been sick & that you're dealing with depression. I do hope the sunshine helps elevate your mood. Please keep posting when you can - we care about you.

whitejay

Hevyn - just by telling me you care made all the difference.......
My grandaughter is my life. If not for her I probably wouldn't be here.
depression destroys your soul - but when I hear her sweet little kind voice
I know why I'm alive 🌻🌷

Take good care and we'll be talking soon. Thanks again HUGS

sugarbear1

This is all alcoholic stuff. We are depressed people kinda by nature. We drink because we want to feel okay with ourselves and the world around us. We stop and we feel that depression.

Know it won't last and if it does, there are medications available to treat it.

We begin to live soberly day by day. We practice interventions (calling a sponsor or friend, Sober Recovery perusing, journal writing, therapy or maybe step work) and we don't drink day by day.

Then we start to feel emotions. Then we kinda feel nothing. That anhedonia.

We keep practicing our interventions and we work our suggested program of recovery (whatever we do to stay stopped) and then things get really clear. Clearer than ever. For me, it was around 10 months of sobriety).

We see the world with different eyes.

Sobriety is Action. Read those books, get to those meetings, work those steps.

Things will change the longer we stay stopped and one day your depression may just go away with that need to drink. I drank to numb my feelings, to feel okay in my own skin, to be able to speak to people.

I can do all that without alcohol today and you can, too!!!! Keep moving forward and stick with us, as things can and will change!!!!

Steely

Hope you are doing ok whitejay.

For me it came down to the wire and knew the drinking had to go no matter how I felt. I knew the cycle would only continue. Further depression ongoing.

I'm looking out of the window and for first time in long time can hear the birds and the colour of the leaves. It comes and goes, but at least for some of the time my eyes can see. It is so worthwhile whitejay.

I hope you keep on keeping on.

whitejay

Your right sugarbear, it takes action - I go to AA meetings and the one I do attend is literally packed.

But, my sponsor yelled at me for always saying the room was making me super hot and I wanted to crack the door (and I guess thats forbidden)
so she became super snotty voice and told me to get over it.

Everyone was in shock how mean she was to me and I never spoke to her again and I left AA.
Thats how sadly I handle things = I shut down and leave.

3 ex, 8 boyfriends - the first sign of conflict I become quiet, pack my stuff and leave. I dont argue, I dont talk, I dont beg, I dont complain, I dont try to make it work - I walk out.

I dont do well at all in relationships - hence why I never go anywhere except the bar to drink.

I am definitely messed up in the head. But, yea, action is good and I think about going back all the time.

whitejay

I wish I could see the color of the leaves and take long walks.
Its so hard for me to get out of bed, dressed and out the door
yet I have no problem doing all that when Im going drinking.
once I get there I sit at the very end all by myself and dont talk.
so I dont know what the point is of going if Im just going to isolate.

I pray for my mind to be restored to normalcy and some days I do really good and then right back to sadness.

Its a cycle I would do anything to break out of. But, I will never give up doing everything in my power to stop drinking FOREVER

Thanks Steely

Dee74

good to see you whitejay

I'm sorry someone yelled at you for trying to open a door, but it sounds like their problem more than yours.

I hope you feel better health wise soon

D