Purina

Hi Robbie,

I am same as you. I only smoke when drinking. I think you would be well served to go to AA/NA meetings. Try both fellowships and see where you feel most comfortable.

And if you dont agree with the God reliance or the stepwork then dont worry about that. Think of it like a buffet restaurant, take what you like and leave the rest.

Go to many different meetings and you will find a very different ambiance in each one. You dont "have" to find a sponsor or "work steps" or "pray everyday" if you dont want to. Dont worry about all that jazz, just be YOU.

My point is that you dont have to buy in "hook, line and sinker". You can enjoy the fellowshiping, socializing and so forth and at any point you can just leave if you have "had your fill". There is nothing wrong with going for like 90 days and then to stop going.

Take what you like and leave the rest. You just have to "pretend" that you believe it all. Heh-Heh. And also when you "share" dont say "I dont believe in God and/or the stepwork/sponsorhip" because if you do that they may "turn against you" so keep your skepticism private.

Geenie

Robbie I never learnt re hangovers during my 20s, 30s 40s and 50s....what a waste. I wouldn't recommend leaving it as long as I have!

Yes I had cravings in January and I expect to have them for a long time to come. I read a lot, do meditation, listen to podcasts, try to keep busy, go for walks etc.

I also stopped smoking in 2012. The cravings didn't go after a few weeks but took 6 months before I could comfortably go a day without any. I know it can be easier for other people, but if you prepare for a long journey, hopefully it will be easier to cope when difficult times come. Good luck!

Silver22

Robbie

Can you remember your thinking at this point? Could you write it down in as much detail as you can? Did you (and how did you) rationalize that it would be ok to have a drink? Even if you don't understand it, you can recognise it if it comes along again and be ready for it. You'll know what these feelings are and can kick them out of your way (tough but the more you do it the easier it gets).

Mine was "I could have 1 - it's not that bad - I'll only have 2 drinks a week and only on a Thursday - let's try it and see what it's like - I could become an occasional drinker - I deserve a treat" - and a ton of permissions I give myself to do it. I can say this over and over again but what I know is that none of it is true. I've proved this to myself so many times now (as I'm sure most of us have).

I have to go into town today and will pass a supermarket once or twice. At 8am I already have those thoughts and feelings that I could go and buy some alcohol... but this time I'm AWARE of them. I can see them clearly and they're huge (a bit hairy monster dancing gleefully in the corner). He'll follow me up the hill to the town but he'll be smaller and will struggle to get up the incline. Losing power over me. The small bug on the pavement that's crushed under my foot. He might be back tomorrow and I'll do it again. I couldn't see this alcohol monster before. I recognised my thoughts and feelings and can see it before it happens.

William Porter "Alcohol Explained" (superb book and audio) talks about the "far memory" and how it can trip us all up. It explains (for me anyway) the "2/3 week fall". Ah yes, I know what this is...

Hope this helps and good luck Robbie. Get it back.

Silver x

ThatWasTheOldMe

If you've ever spent all night throwing up unable to sleep, you know what alcohol does to your body.

Robbie64

An update:

It's now almost a week ago since I started this thread and I'm now exactly one week sober. This time 7 days ago I was collapsing into bed in a drunken state and would wake up a few hours later feeling ill and full of self loathing and remorse. Now I'm about to go to bed simply because it's bed time and not because I'm drunk. And I'm looking forward to getting up in the morning with a clear head rather than dreading it, wondering how ill I'm going to be and how I'm going to be feeling.

Thanks to this forum for being here, SR is a great help and reading all the posts here in the past week has helped me get to where I am now.

least

Congrats on your week sober! I'm sure it's the first of many sober weeks.

ciowa

Have you ever read about Fading Affect Bias? In the context of alcohol, its the affect where our body/mind rebounds from the drinking aftermath and it becomes harder to remember the anguish we went through. In a few days or weeks we feel like we can drink again because the pain has become a distant memory. This happens a lot with binge drinkers and something I used to experience quite often. The thing about binge drinking is that, like daily drinking, it gets worse over time so there is no going back to being a "normal drinker" even you are not drinking everyday.

Dee74

congrats on the week Robbie

D

Verdantia

Congratulations on one week, and keep it going, Robbie! You can do this.

Robbie64

Sadly I drank yesterday. No excuses but I was out with friends and gave in to urges and drank. The only saving grace is that I didn't have too much and so feel fine today although I also feel like I've let myself down. I didn't go out with the intention of drinking and none of my friends ever put me under pressure to drink. I've sat with them lots of times in the past and have just drank orange and soda and that was what I started off drinking yesterday. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have gone out as I'd had a few low level urges for a drink and it might have been better to have done something else instead of going to the pub feeling like that. So now I'm back on day 1 again.

I've just been for a long walk so that's cleared my head but I am feeling a bit restless. That is probably the alcohol effect wearing off though it's nearly 15 hours since I last had an alcoholic drink.

freedomfries

The important thing is you came back here. You've got this.

Robbie64

Thanks freedomfries.

When I woke up this morning I had a strong urge to drink. I've had urges like this before when I haven't drank too much the day before and, as happened today, the urges lessen by lunchtime and now it has all but gone. This is why I know I can never drink in moderation. Most people would have a night out and wouldn't have an urge to drink again the next morning. I don't always get them but this morning I did have a strong urge. Thankfully I have no alcohol in the house so I simply let the urge pass by not leaving the house this morning so I couldn't act on it. I feel if I had gone to the local shop this morning I would probably have bought some alcohol. I went there this afternoon and just ignored the part of the shop where all the alcohol is (and it does occupy a large part of the shop).

Anna

I'm glad you're getting back on track. I'm glad you're aware that it was risky to go out with friends that particular night, so hopefully you can avoid that happening again. I think we have to make changes in our lives to support our recovery.

Robbie64

I think I should have waited a few more weeks before going to a pub. I'd posted either in this thread or another that my cravings can start to kick in a week and a half to two weeks after last drinking and yesterday was day 11. The cravings had started on Wednesday though they weren't the all powerful ones I sometimes get. I did think when I went out that I could just ignore them and stick to drinking soft drinks but I should have known better and should have just not gone to the pub.

nez

From what I can gather most people don't find early recovery to be a pleasant experience, which is why more people don't continue with it. In early sobriety, I definitely had to do things that I didn't like in order not to experience being It took me a long time to figure out. I hope you figure out quicker than I did because the rewards far exceed any unpleasantness experienced.

Steely

Good to see you back on track Robbie.

Robbie64

Day 2 started 55 minutes ago. This time around I'm feeling positive and am looking at my drinking on Thursday as an unfortunate blip. I've got no plans to go to a pub in the near future so won't be putting my sobriety this time at risk. However as I posted before I shouldn't have met up with my friends when I was having cravings for alcohol, even if the cravings themselves weren't that strong. I put myself in a position where I was setting myself up to fail and to drink.

Dee74

Hi robbie
I think staying away from drinkers and hotels for a while is a good thing.

Staying sober is hard enough without putting ourselves in 'wet' or tempting situations too soon just makes it that much harder.

I stayed away from drinkers and pubs for a long time - didn't stay at home like a hermit tho - I did lots of things - fun things - just not things centered around drinking.

Once you build up your sober muscles you'll be able to go anyone with anyone - if that's still your scene - but in the meantime... cherish & protect that recovery like a newborn, man

Robbie64

Thanks Dee74, I appreciate your post.

I think part of the problem is that guys in general tend to meet up in pubs as a default meeting place. Or at least the people I know just meet up in pubs and don't do anything else. I've gone out to meet my friends in the past when I've not been drinking and have just drank orange and soda. This time I went out with an urge to drink and I shouldn't have gone out. Had I not had an urge to drink I wouldn't have drank alcohol and would have stuck to my original plan of staying on non-alcohol drinks.

The problem with cutting myself off from meeting friends is that I'm otherwise just stuck at home. It's a long time since we all did anything else other than meeting up in a pub. During the day it's not a problem as I can find other things to do. But on a cold and damp night the option of going for a long walk - I love going for long walks - isn't as appealing. Roll on the lighter nights and summer! I love being able to go for a walk on a night time when it's still daylight and is nice and warm.

But for the time being, yes, I'm going to have to keep away from the pub. If I don't go there I won't drink, it's as simple and straightforward as that.

Dee74

I hear this a lot from UK blokes, and as an Aussie male I thought the same - but once I stopped hanging around drinking buddies I found that most people (men included) would rather do anything but congregate in a pub.

As a person new to recovery I also would meet my mates and happily drink Coke all night...but the next time I did it, I'd more often that not buy a beer.

Thats why I didn't shy away from change this last time, and I built up my 'sober muscles' doing those non alcohol related activities.

When I was sure I preferred being sober and nothing or noone could sway me, then I could accept any invitation and stay happily sober.

funny thing is I don't like pubs now - I find them miserable sad places. I'll go if I have to play music or listen to a band, and I do the odd trivia night - but otherwise - nah.

Nowadays I'd much prefer to meet my mates (mates who incidentally don't drink or only very occasionally) over a pizza, or at the movies, or having a jam.

I'm not trying to be evangelical about this - but people and lives can change - for the better

D