venuscat

I love NA. I went to meetings for a few years.....I learned some of my most treasured lessons there. s xx

Willow00

Mesadog looks very contented snoozing in the sun ❤️

jr67

Good for you, SendSleep, for your awareness that you might be tempted if you run into your old party buds. Since, as you have said, it is only a matter of time until you do, in fact, run into someone, I think you would want to be planning assiduously now to develop detailed tactics and strategies to help you resist those temptations if and when they arise.

(Oscar Wilde: "I can resist anything except temptation.")

Be *not* inspired by Oscar Wilde's wit in this instance.

Ok, for one thing, you could call your non-user friend, as you said. Let's call him A. Have you spoken with A about this, specifically? I mean about the fact that if you ever find yourself perilously close to using you will call A? You might want to talk about this with A *before* you are calling him in the middle of a crisis, so that you and he are at least partly prepared for the eventuality if and when you do call A while in a crisis.

Whatever plan you make with A, you know that A cannot be available 24/7, because he has his own commitments; if nothing else his phone could be turned off at work or something. You mention that you might call A "or someone" to talk to them. Do you have any other specific person or people besides A whom you might call, given that A cannot be sure to be available at the presently unknown moment when you might need him?

Yes, you could post on SR, as you admirably did a couple of weeks ago when you were tweaking and were calling out for help to extract yourself from the death-spiral you felt yourself to be trapped in at the moment. I would encourage you to do that again, post to SR, if you find yourself in such a moment of temptation and remain conscious enough of your longer-term self-interest to wish not to succumb to the temptation.

But I am just wondering, worst case scenario perhaps, how this would play out. There you are on the subway or out on the street somewhere or at a cafe or wherever you hang out and you run into Party Guy, one of your former party friends. Party Guy gets chatty, starts hinting or overtly suggesting that you two should right then, right there, pop one or more of the addies he's carrying, and go hang out and do whatever it is you used to do when you partied with Party Guy. You realize you feel your resistance slipping, you pull out your phone and call A, but A does not answer.

Are you then going to tell Party Guy to hold on, you need a few minutes, and then are you going to compose a post and send it to SR and wait for responses so you don't take Party Guy up on his offer?

Maybe the very act of preparing to do such a thing would help you remember, in the moment, why you want to send Party Guy packing and why you do not, in fact, want to go party with him.

But it seems a little tenuous. That's why I'm thinking you want some plan(s) in place in addition to calling A and posting to SR. I think you'd want at least one more person you can call in the moment, and perhaps you can talk with that person in advance, before the moment of crisis, so that that person (like A) knows that you may be relying on that person when a crisis arises.

All of the above concerns what you might do in the moment, on the street when you run into Party Guy. But then there's what you may want to do starting now to help ward off the Party Guy moment before it happens, to help you develop a mind set so that you are more prepared that if and when you run into Party Guy you are less likely to be tempted in the first place.

That is where, for example, maybe, something like NA or some other group meeting might help. I've never availed myself of such groups, but each of our personal stories is different, and many many people find strength from participation in these groups, both in the general sense of helping them build a personal well of resistance to draw from when tempted, but also to make actual human connections to people that, for example, they can call in a crisis in case their Person A is not available. And/or they develop new, non-using friends through their NA or other group connections so they are less likely to find themselves in the situation where they run into Party Guy and think that falling back into their pattern of behavior with Party Guy and his ilk might be something they might do in the first place.

In addition to the above, you have a mental health therapy intake appointment scheduled, right? Maybe you'll work with your therapist to develop strategies to avoid relapse into addy-abuse. But your intake appointment is still a couple of weeks away, and attending that intake appointment is only the beginning of a process.

You and I have already e-talked about mindfulness meditation (MM), something I practice, and if I recall correctly you even browsed a bookstore or two looking for a book I mentioned. I'm not going to repeat that e-conversation here (you can look it up). Like the other ideas I've mentioned here, MM is not an instantaneous cure-all, but it may be one more part of your plan to help yourself stay sober.

You're doing great, SendSleep. You dumped your stash, what is it, ten days ago or so?, and you've maintained sobriety in these early days despite some challenges at work, for example. I am just a little concerned (more than a little) by your statement that your old gang might "definitely entice [you] into the party scene" and that you think you would be tempted to some degree. As I said above, good for you for recognizing that, but I urge you to work on buildng a multi-layered support system to help you resist giving in to the temptation.

MantaLady

I’ve been to some N/A meetings and preferred them to AA, worth a try Send Sleep.

Work wasn’t great yesterday. I have the boss who’s temporary and employed me and the new boss who is the permanent one in the role and the old boss is now supposed to not be interfering and handing over as he leaves end of March. New boss wants me to do stuff, old boss wants me to come to him and tell him if new boss doesn’t want to run the processes old boss put in place. Old boss has raised he thinks I am not doing the job properly, new boss told him that I am doing fine and the things I am not doing are because new boss has told me not to. I don’t like it. Old boss could get me work after this contract ends so need him to not think bad of me, I have a year working here with new boss so have to get on with him also. Struggling to not let it stress me out, so have booked a week off in a couple of weeks.

Hope everyone has a good day today, super blustery here today and the wind is whistling down the chimney which Kitten finds terrifying! x

Mags1

Morning Weekenders

jr, great comments. I love your way with words.
Makes good sense to have a plan SendSleep


I love all the doggie (and cat) pics. It breaks my heart when I lose one of my pets. It’s happened several times over my life and when they’re ready to go I pray that they will go to sleep and never wake up without the aid of any assistance.
It has only happened with one of my cats, Merlin.
I had put a warm hot water bottle in his bed under his blankets and he just went to sleep and didn’t wake up.

MantaLady, swimming is a great idea. I tried it at both times, before and after work. Certainly when I swam after work I was too tired to think of drinking. I did go extreme though, always wanting to run before I could walk.

Hope it’s a good sober Tuesday for us all. x

jr67

And a fine sober Tuesday may it turn out to be for Mags1 and us all. (It's a little early to tell for me, 6:15 a.m., and still dark out, though I did have the dogs out an hour ago and I'm happy to report that it is still a mild winter for New England.)

Somberly speaking of passing pets:

(Yes, the following is a sad read, but only because of our love for our four-footed companions):

I've only had one dog in my life before the present pair. As she slowly (but inevitably, inexorably) declined, seeming to become partly deaf, a good bit blind, and we contemplated when, exactly, her quality of life would be such that we would need to ease her passage on to the next realm, at around age 14, we determined (and the vets agreed) that since she still had her appetite, still loved to walk and cuddle with us, and did not appear to be in pain, the scales were still weighted in favor of keeping her corporeally with us a while longer.

Finally, the day (it was midnight-ish, actually) arrived where yours truly observed some uncomfortable symptoms and stumbling leading jr to determine (and determine to inform her co-"parent", from whom jr had separated by this time) that in the morning it would be time to bring her to the vet for her final trip.

I slept with her, both of us stretched out on the kitchen floor that night, doing my best to whisper in her ear and soothe her uncomplaining discomfort, and eventually I dozed off.

My husband awoke at 5 a.m. or so and wandered in, momentarily startled that he had come upon two corpses. But he nudged me, and I stirred, and it turned out only one of us had moved on in the course of the wee small hours.

So Mags, on this occasion she peacefully passed like your cat, Merlin, without assistance, as we hope will be the case for all those we love.

Kaily and SnoozyQ, you will know when it is time.

Chin up during this bittersweet time of mourning and happy memories.

Cityboy

Good morning everyone. Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Oh I dread loosing dogs.

saoutchik

I wish I could sleep as easily as MesaDog. Pooches and felines have no trouble do they. It is hard when they go.

I read an interesting box pop style newspaper article about non alcoholic drinks today which I will post in the Media/Culture thread when I get home (if I remember that is!) Personally I went too far down the path of alcoholism for them to be of use to me but I think there is a place for them among the non addicted users.

I hope VMan is enjoying his skiing trip.

MLD51

Hello everyone -
Life is settling down a tiny bit. I said TINY.

Just want to chime in on the trombone discussion for a couple of pages ago. When I was 12 and about to to enter Junior High (7th grade), I knew I wanted to be in band. I had played the piano and violin up to that point, but neither of those was an option for me (no piano or violin in the typical junior high band in those days - most schools did not have orchestras). Because I was kind of new in town and had gone to a sort of experimental school on the university campus for my 6th grade year, I didn't hear about band sign-up and tryout until just about everyone else had already claimed the instruments they wanted to play. Of course, I wanted to play something "cute" like the flute or clarinet or MAYBE the alto saxophone or french horn. Well, I got there, and was offered nothing but low brass or low winds - that was all that was left. Trombone, baritone, tuba, baritone sax, bassoon. The band director was especially short of trombones. So he handed me one, told me to try making a sound (I had never held a trombone in my life). I made a sound, he gave me a short lesson on finding notes on the slide, he noted that I had a good ear (I do, relative pitch), and trombone player was born. There I was, 5 feet tall, barely 85 pounds I bet, trying hard to reach the last position on the slide and hauling this thing around. I kind of hated it at first, and then I grew to absolutely love it. Played through my second year of college, got pretty darn good at it. So you just never know what you're good at until you try, I guess.

MLD51

On the subject of stress, which Mesa Man brought up earlier. He said his answer to dealing with it was to eliminate it. I eliminated some stress this week. I quit something, and I HATE quitting (see my tagline above my picture). It's kind of a long story. Long story short (ish). I'm a member of my local American Legion post. I think I mentioned to this group that I was taking on a new volunteer position there, that of Assistant Finance Officer, which meant I was to be the bookkeeper, basically. I thought it'd be a good way to get more involved, do some good work, learn some stuff, have something meaningful to fill some time after August when I'll be empty nesting. WELL. It turned out to be a lot more work than I had thought it would be, and some really nasty political infighting at the post became evident to me in the past few weeks. I could not see myself continuing to do it, because it really was literally keeping me up at night. I agonized for a couple of days, and made my decision to let it go. I was truthful about my reasons, including my dismay at the infighting (which even included a coup and the ousting of the post commander last week, who happens to be ex-husband #1). They way that happened was disgusting to me, and I don't really even like the guy that much. I handed in my resignation yesterday. Wow, do I feel lighter today. SO. The moral is, if something isn't working for ya, causing stress, and there's a way to get rid of it without really hurting someone, DO IT. Even if it hurts someone, weigh it carefully and maybe do it anyway.

Mags1

jr, I’m pleased you got to spend your dogs’ last night cuddled with her.

Marty, well said! We need to take care of our own well being.

My internet has been playing up on and off from this afternoon. It’s amazing how I rely on it. Hopefully, they have got it sorted at the other end. .

MantaLady

It’s a beautiful evening here, very cold, dry, still and a mostly clear sky, bright moon and lots of stars. I live where there is very little light pollution for the UK and nights like these are tremendous and remind me I am lucky to live where I do. Just having a cup of tea and going to wrap up and go for a short walk over the hills to soak it all up. I’ve already ran the hottest bath ever so it will be the right temperature when I get back to just dive straight in. xx

Willow00

Manta a hot bath after a walk under the stars sounds heavenly ❤️

Marty, this is fantastic, thank you

“The moral is, if something isn't working for ya, causing stress, and there's a way to get rid of it without really hurting someone, DO IT. Even if it hurts someone, weigh it carefully and maybe do it anyway.”

SendSleep

SendSleep

Cityboy

I think that even considering all the triggers like starting home from work, going by a favorite store, hooking up the boat, stopping by a buddy's house on Saturday, watching sports, or whatever, speaking for myself it is the stress/anxiety/resentment that are the pushing factors. Perhaps the worst of all are the stresses that, perhaps unknowingly, come from those we are closest to. When I began this journey three weeks ago I was able to kind of let go of it all. I can already tell a difference in my wife and kid's behavior, maybe less stress and anxiety on their parts now that I'm not passed out drunk in my recliner every other night. Other stress factors are of course beginning to creep back in. The same old ones that lead to a dependency in alcohol in the first place. Perhaps this is the greatest challenge in all of this.

saoutchik

Congratulations on 2 weeks SendSleep and congratulations on 3 weeks Cityboy. Those other stress factors that creep in when you sober up are at least a little bit easier to cope with if you are not all chewed up from drink or drugs.

Btw I notice that my previous post said "box pop" in respect of some people's views on non-alcoholic drinks. It should of course have said vox pop. I really have to battle with predictive text sometimes

SnoozyQ

Cityboy, i get what youre saying.
i can remember feeling like that too. But in time that will pass. You are so new into your sobriety that your thinking process isnt quite right yet.

You will find that as it goes on , it just gets so much better . It really does.

There is so much freedom when we can make our own decisions instead of letting alcohol make it for us.
The best part of this is that you you said your wife and kids are happier. We really put them through so much **** over the years. She must love having her husband back.

congrats on your great effort, you really should be proud of yourself. The first month was the hardest, then everything just falls into place .

xxxxx

STDragon

Ha HA, I remember my son had that problem. Could not reach the last position until nearly grade 9, he was a small kid.

Mags1

Beautiful sunny day here, a bit cold but nice to see the sunshine.
Have a good day. x