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Old 01-24-2020, 02:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Feeling awful


My husbands mad and annoyed and resentful towards me again. Was having a good productive day but now Been crying for a half hour and canít get the motivation to finish what I need to. I feel so stupid. Iíll never be good enough. Always will just be the trash alcoholic that ruins his life
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Whoa whoa whoa. This is your mate? He upset cause your getting sober? Not cool if thays the case. I'm confused
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoberRican View Post
Whoa whoa whoa. This is your mate? He upset cause your getting sober? Not cool if thays the case. I'm confused
no heís just always upset with me over one thing or another. He always throws my past drinking in my face. He keeps telling me I think Iím better than I am and if it werenít for him I wouldnít be what I am today. I donít know. imnsorry my post is confusing Iím just really upset
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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That's not very kind of him to keep bringing up your past. I hope you can ignore him and just stay sober.
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm sorry he is being that way Lisalily. Stay sober. Remember that you get to choose how you live now too. He doesn't get to determine that. You are worthy of respect and support and those can be rules for anyone living under the same roof as you, including him.
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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No, no, no. You are so much more than anything youíve done. Being a good, supportive partner does not include berating others, for any reason.

I hope you are safe and I hope you are able to get support from others.

I have been lurking here and your post made me go ahead and jump in. I want you to know you are important and you deserve better.
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Marriage is overrated and obsolete. You don't have to put up with verbal abuse. Seems he wants to destroy your self esteem.
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Old 01-24-2020, 02:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Yes Keep us updated. Just move forward clean your side of the street. We all have baggage from our past boozing days. See that ? Past. One day at a time. Your self esteem is at a low. And he knows it. Get them sober muscles in shape you can do this
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Old 01-24-2020, 03:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm sorry lisalilly

I tried to look at it like I drank for years and swore I was done many times

It was probably going to take a little while for some to understand this was different to all the other times.

That's doesn't make what your husband is doing nice or fair - its not - but I figured the people closest to me would come around in the end, and for me, they did.

D
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Old 01-24-2020, 03:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Spouse should support and build each other up.
If he is dragging you down don't listen to him. Easier said than done but like the others have said no one gets to determine your self worth but you.

Stay sober and block out his negativity. Focus on the good inside of you that you know is there.

We have ALL done things that have hurt others but that doesn't give them the right to beat us down about it forever.
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Old 01-24-2020, 03:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I can relate to this.

Some partners are supportive, some are indifferent, some are like yours.

What I realized about mine, was that she was a serial complainer well before she met me, just like I had a drinking problem before I met her.

We brought our own issues with us into the marriage.

When her number 1 issue for complaint was removed, my drinking, she was forced to find new ones.

Kinda like if they take your favorite drink off the market, it wouldn't stop you drinking, you just find a new one.
​​​​​​same / same.

So she started with I don't do enough, I don't earn enough, when am I going to ?? Whatever whatever.

It took about a year for her to realise she was still miserable and whiny and negative and she could no longer pin it all on me.
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Old 01-24-2020, 05:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Sounds like a bit of a narcissist to me. Particularly him saying you think you are better that what you are. What does he want you to be? Lesser?
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Old 01-24-2020, 06:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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NotSure 2020, welcome to the Sober Recovery website. Thanks for joining.
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Old 01-24-2020, 06:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Thank you so much. This is such an amazing place. Iím glad I finally decided to join. I will post more later. In the meantime...

I completely agree and understand that those who have been hurt may lash out and/or be tired of the cycle.

Regardless, berating a partner is simply unconscionable, IMO. If you canít deal, leave. No need to kick someone when theyíre down. That wreaks of control issues and setting someone up for failure so the controlling party can say, ďI told you so.Ē.

OP, stand strong and know so many are here for you. You matter. You are worthy. We care. I care.
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