Feeling awful
 

Whoa whoa whoa. This is your mate? He upset cause your getting sober? Not cool if thays the case. I'm confused

That's not very kind of him to keep bringing up your past. :( I hope you can ignore him and just stay sober. :hug:

I'm sorry he is being that way Lisalily. Stay sober. Remember that you get to choose how you live now too. He doesn't get to determine that. You are worthy of respect and support and those can be rules for anyone living under the same roof as you, including him.

No, no, no. You are so much more than anything you’ve done. Being a good, supportive partner does not include berating others, for any reason.

I hope you are safe and I hope you are able to get support from others.

I have been lurking here and your post made me go ahead and jump in. I want you to know you are important and you deserve better.

Marriage is overrated and obsolete. You don't have to put up with verbal abuse. Seems he wants to destroy your self esteem.

Yes Keep us updated. Just move forward clean your side of the street. We all have baggage from our past boozing days. See that ? Past. One day at a time. Your self esteem is at a low. And he knows it. Get them sober muscles in shape you can do this

I'm sorry lisalilly :)

I tried to look at it like I drank for years and swore I was done many times

It was probably going to take a little while for some to understand this was different to all the other times.

That's doesn't make what your husband is doing nice or fair - its not - but I figured the people closest to me would come around in the end, and for me, they did.

D

Spouse should support and build each other up.
If he is dragging you down don't listen to him. Easier said than done but like the others have said no one gets to determine your self worth but you.

Stay sober and block out his negativity. Focus on the good inside of you that you know is there.

We have ALL done things that have hurt others but that doesn't give them the right to beat us down about it forever.

I can relate to this.

Some partners are supportive, some are indifferent, some are like yours.

What I realized about mine, was that she was a serial complainer well before she met me, just like I had a drinking problem before I met her.

We brought our own issues with us into the marriage.

When her number 1 issue for complaint was removed, my drinking, she was forced to find new ones.

Kinda like if they take your favorite drink off the market, it wouldn't stop you drinking, you just find a new one.
​​​​​​same / same.

So she started with I don't do enough, I don't earn enough, when am I going to ?? Whatever whatever.

It took about a year for her to realise she was still miserable and whiny and negative and she could no longer pin it all on me.

Sounds like a bit of a narcissist to me. Particularly him saying you think you are better that what you are. What does he want you to be? Lesser?

NotSure 2020, welcome to the Sober Recovery website. Thanks for joining.

Thank you so much. This is such an amazing place. I’m glad I finally decided to join. I will post more later. In the meantime...

I completely agree and understand that those who have been hurt may lash out and/or be tired of the cycle.

Regardless, berating a partner is simply unconscionable, IMO. If you can’t deal, leave. No need to kick someone when they’re down. That wreaks of control issues and setting someone up for failure so the controlling party can say, “I told you so.”.

OP, stand strong and know so many are here for you. You matter. You are worthy. We care. I care.