The Big P is a monkey on my back

Old 01-20-2020, 08:57 AM
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The Big P is a monkey on my back

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night, ladies and gentlemen, fellow SobeRlanders.

Thank you for attending to my story, a common tale but true.


My SR name is jr67, and I suffer from The Big P.

For as long as I can remember, my progress down the highways and labyrinthine byways of life has been impeded by The Big P, Procrastination, depriving me of:

-- potential prosperity (professional, financial, interpersonal);

-- potential progress (intellectual, physical, metaphysical);

-- potential energy (the kinetic variety, too); plus

-- potentially more.

I believe in the chicken and the egg, and the egg and the chicken, but sometimes I don't know which comes first.

Do (did) I abuse substances because I cannot face my failures, confront my demons? Or do I fall short, fail to follow through, fall though the cracks, disappear into the woodwork, because I am (was) drunk, high, hung over, over and over again?

No doubt sometimes it is the chicken, and sometimes the egg, and sometimes it is difficult to tell them apart.

Have you ever been stuck among these cunning conundra, these hydra-headed beasts?

Have you ever found a way out? A way to turn yourself around? A way to slay the dragon?

Have you ever found The Way? Have you grasped it, won it, only to lose it again? And then what happened?

I am wondering, fellow passengers, as we travel on this journey of sobriety together, whether any of you care to share your stories of shoulda, coulda, and woulda; or your strategies for successfully negotiating these tortuous paths, perhaps illuminating a way ahead for those of us still stuck in first gear, or stalling.

If so, SR is open 24/7.

Again, thank you for listening. I look forward to joining those of you who choose to join the discussion to follow.

The management cordially invites all of you to contribute or observe.
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Old 01-20-2020, 09:25 AM
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I believe in the chicken and the egg, and the egg and the chicken, but sometimes I don't know which comes first.
To be honest, I don't know either, but I do what to do to stay sober and continue in recovery. The answers to my questions are not near as important as my actions are. When I don't seek answers and instead seek the solution, I find that I am in it.
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Old 01-20-2020, 09:52 AM
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As sober as I am (21+ months as I type), the life-long tendencies and habits of procrastination still daunt/injure/inhibit me to this day. Although I believe in investigating the sources of these habits as a means of working through the complexes that drive me to put off what should be done etc etc - I think the cure-all is tending to the task at hand. Action is everything.

And although I still sometimes avoid the calls/turn to instant gratification rather than important obligations et al - sobriety has made me able to deal with my procrastination in ways I never could when I was choosing to pick up the booze.
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Old 01-20-2020, 10:10 AM
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Thirteen years in a job that constantly reinforced the cycle of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, rinse and repeat. Procrastination perhaps in not leaving earlier.

Ironically, an avenue of escape from that job to my dream job was opened at night over a bottle of crown royal on the tailgate of a truck with one of my now best friends. Perhaps the only good thing to happen in my life while drinking.

Fifteen years later of internalizing the daily stresses brought on by work and family responsibility, and the drama that people seem to almost always manufacture, and turning that energy towards some form of alcohol. Procrastination in changing that pattern? Definitely!! Not sure how that pattern is going to change, but I know what I need to do at least.

Procrastinating on cleaning and organizing out the shed, or painting the house, that's another subject.
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Old 01-20-2020, 12:35 PM
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It's still not muscle memory for me to be productive... but I like to be, so I try to make lists for the day and meet those targets.

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Old 01-20-2020, 05:28 PM
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Interesting, well written post. You have some good writing skills.

Had the procrastination conversation today at the gym. I struggle with it on the regular. Some days are easy to get after it, some days it takes a team of horses to get me to move. I will say this, I believe procrastination comes from lack of motivation....lack of motivation is internal. Only you can fix it. That's a tough pill to swallow, but I believe it.
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Old 01-20-2020, 06:28 PM
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Like Dee said, lists, manageable ones, are a great idea.

Businesses talk about "managing expectations" like no one is going to open a burger shop and expect to be challenging McD's for the top spot in a year.

So make a list then just make a start on whatever you want to do, then keep at it in however much you can manage each day. Momentum will build. Tick em off day by day, week by week.

This is the essence of taking things "one day at a time"
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Old 01-22-2020, 11:17 AM
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Happy Birthday Dear Nephew.

Hey there, SobeRlandian, here is something new I'm doing for the first time ever that I wouldn't be doing if I were still abusing substances: Taking a break from work (that is not the new part, the new part follows) during which I am sipping on homemade ginger tea. I made a bunch (well what is the collective noun for a half gallon of liquid; it is not a bunch, like grapes, and it is not a murder, like crows, or a warren, like rabbits, Oh, I know, here goes), I mean I made about a half gallon of ginger tea on the stove last night.

I could drink it cold or hot, in this case I nuked it because it is wintry out. Here's how I did it:

To make just a couple of cups to see if you like it:

Put a couple of cups of water into a saucepan, start heating it to the boil.

While the water is heating up, take a length of ginger root, average thickness, maybe two inches long, and slice very thin.

Add the sliced ginger root to the water.

Allow to sit for a while.

Taste. If too strong, dilute with more water. If too weak, slice up more ginger, add, wait, taste.

Once you like the strength, pour into a mug.



Thank you, SobeRlandian, I wouldn't have made it (the tea, that is) without you.

Today is my nephew's 45th birthday. I was living with his mother (my older sister) for a few months over the winter he was born. She already had a beautiful little girl, my first niece, who was 4 years old at the time.

Back in the prior June, just about the time Sis began to suspect she was expecting, her dear hubby, aged 28, announced he was tired of this marriage-and-family and striving-middle-glass money game, so he quit. (He was a functioning, hard-driving salesman type of way overdrinking ethanol abuser, had maybe 3 of 4 car wrecks and at least a couple of OUIs under his belt, but the laws were not as strict back then.) Come October (Sis now 6 months pregnant), just after the hearing when a judge informed them how much my dear bro-in-law was going to have to pay in child support, outside on the courthouse steps, he told her, in essence, "You're never going to see another dime from me."

Gotta give the guy credit, for the first time in his life he kept his word. He disappeared, never to see or be seen again by Sis, daughter, or yet-to-be-born son. There were vague stories of sightings on the West Coast, and eventually he was said to be living in Panama, with a wife and a kid or two, running a bar, before he died, natural causes, so we heard, a few years back.

There's more, but all that is off topic. This post is about my nephew's birthday.

My nephew, my niece, and my sister are all doing very well, thank you. She remarried, and Sis and new bro-in-law raised a blended family of four kids, so I got two more instant nieces.

I get props for staying with my sister, niece, and eventual nephew that winter, but it seems to me I don't deserve much credit because I was just doing the right thing at the right time, and my situation in life at the time (at age 23 that January), fresh out of college, not yet starting grad school, allowed me to do it, and boy did I (and do I) love that niece and nephew (and the insta-nieces I met later).

So it turns out I never had kids (long story), which is not a particularly relevant fact in this context, but we're just getting to know each other, newly recovering SobeRlandians, so I thought I'd mention it in passing.

My nephew now lives about 2000 miles from here, or about 3218.688 km (according to the very precise, in this instance, mr. google), with his 8-year-old daughter and his wife. This year, for the first time in many years, I sent him a birthday present, and actually mailed it so that he probably will receive it by today, his actual birthday (I should know, I was there in the hospital). I enclosed the Christmas present I bought for his daughter back in October, all prettily wrapped by the bookstore, but never got around to mailing till late last week, just in time for her father's birthday.

She'll like it just the same. The only one bothered by the fact that I didn't send it till January is jr.

But jr is not living in the past. jr is not living in the future. jr is living in the present, and the present is looking pretty good. jr credits Dry and Pot-free January (a decision and commitment jr made on his own), and this SR community (a discovery he happily found on January 6) for the fact that he got that package into the mail on time.

jr lifts his ginger tea to toast his nephew's birthday (credit SR again for the fact that it is tea).

jr now heads back to worky work for a few more hours, making a dent in the to-dos he has put off for far too long.

Last edited by jr67; 01-22-2020 at 11:20 AM. Reason: accidental emoji removed, proofreading
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Old 01-22-2020, 02:11 PM
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I'm sure your nephew will appreciate his present - good work! \

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Old 01-22-2020, 02:17 PM
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Hello jr67.

I honestly believe the Big P was completely caused by the alcohol and grass for me. Really. It's common to be scared of things and put them off for a bit but as an active addict my fears were never faced, just squashed. And how much can you get done when you are blitzed all the time anyway? For me, not much.

So that is my answer my friend. s xx
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