Help its getting real bad
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Help its getting real bad
Hi everyone. I have been trying to quit for 10 years. I am a total mess and alcohol has finally started slowly physically killing me.
Ulcer, heart, you name it I have it.
I feel horrible and I need all your help
and support. I dont have any friends or family. Im so tired of crying and the circle of same ole sh*&.
I dont know what to do anymore. I've been to rehab, AA, in patient hospital etc ...still I cant quit. I am on my way to dying. What should I do ??
thank you
Ulcer, heart, you name it I have it.
I feel horrible and I need all your help
and support. I dont have any friends or family. Im so tired of crying and the circle of same ole sh*&.
I dont know what to do anymore. I've been to rehab, AA, in patient hospital etc ...still I cant quit. I am on my way to dying. What should I do ??
thank you
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by whitejay 
I dont know what to do anymore. I've been to rehab, AA, in patient hospital etc ...still I cant quit. I am on my way to dying. What should I do ??
But as long as you are seeking it, sobriety can be reached.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Hello Whitejay, seems like quite a few of us are having problems at the moment, I relapsed too, sorry to hear about your health issues. I don't have much to offer apart from would you consider going to doctor for librium and trying the AA "90 Meetings in 90 Days" thing? Obviously, if you do chose to look for a librium prescription you mustn't drink on it. Also in my thread today I got good advice and some suggestions.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
I am lonely, bored, cant drive due to dui's (many) and severe depression that alcohol makes 100x worse.
I hate myself.That is probably why I drink. Maybe deep down I dont think I deserve a good life. I'm really messed up and should probably get a therapist because I have no one to talk to....
How does someone go through their entire life and not have 1 single friend..
That tells you alot about me. How pathetic. Thank you all for talking with me. It helps so much.
I hate myself.That is probably why I drink. Maybe deep down I dont think I deserve a good life. I'm really messed up and should probably get a therapist because I have no one to talk to....
How does someone go through their entire life and not have 1 single friend..
That tells you alot about me. How pathetic. Thank you all for talking with me. It helps so much.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I believe you can quit.
So you have one person who believes in you.
You say you've been to AA and inpatient. Did you continue to use the tools you learned there? It's an ongoing process - for life - did you work the program in AA? Maybe start by reading the book on their website or go to a meeting and pick one up.
There are people who would listen to you at AA, and you would definitely find friends. Why not give it another go?
So you have one person who believes in you.
You say you've been to AA and inpatient. Did you continue to use the tools you learned there? It's an ongoing process - for life - did you work the program in AA? Maybe start by reading the book on their website or go to a meeting and pick one up.
There are people who would listen to you at AA, and you would definitely find friends. Why not give it another go?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Alcohol had me in such a state of hopeless and despair it amazes me now.
EVERYTHING upset me. Depression, helplessness, you name it.
My doctor and meds turned everything around.
Im only on low dose anti d's for a year or two until my system levels off.
Ive had no compulsion to drink.
It was a last resort for me as I DETESTED the thought of taking meds.
Im so glad I did.
Just a suggestion if things are getting seriously rough for you.
EVERYTHING upset me. Depression, helplessness, you name it.
My doctor and meds turned everything around.
Im only on low dose anti d's for a year or two until my system levels off.
Ive had no compulsion to drink.
It was a last resort for me as I DETESTED the thought of taking meds.
Im so glad I did.
Just a suggestion if things are getting seriously rough for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 368
I feel so bad for you. I'm willing to bet if you did 90/90 you would make at least one friend. Also I've hear doing 20/20 helps a lot (showing up 20 minutes early and leaving 20 minutes after the meeting). Call your local chapter and I'd be willing to bet the could arrange for someone to pick you up. There are always members looking to do service work. Keep posting here please.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
I just bought 3 great books on alcohol and the mind. I already read one of them and then drank.
I have been on depression medication for 30 years and since all my medication has stopped working I am going to start TMS hopefully.
I really think going to church and talking to a therapist will help. I really need someone to talk in-depth with.
My brain is wired wrong.
Thanks for helping me with all your great suggestions. Still crying
😢
I have been on depression medication for 30 years and since all my medication has stopped working I am going to start TMS hopefully.
I really think going to church and talking to a therapist will help. I really need someone to talk in-depth with.
My brain is wired wrong.
Thanks for helping me with all your great suggestions. Still crying
😢
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
I just bought 3 great books on alcohol and the mind. I already read one of them and then drank.
I have been on depression medication for 30 years and since all my medication has stopped working I am going to start TMS hopefully.
I really think going to church and talking to a therapist will help. I really need someone to talk in-depth with.
My brain is wired wrong.
Thanks for helping me with all your great suggestions. Still crying
😢
I have been on depression medication for 30 years and since all my medication has stopped working I am going to start TMS hopefully.
I really think going to church and talking to a therapist will help. I really need someone to talk in-depth with.
My brain is wired wrong.
Thanks for helping me with all your great suggestions. Still crying
😢
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
I didnt know someone would pick you up for an AA meeting ! Im going to try that. Thanks
Im sick from alcohol today and the pain in my stomach is crushing.
The pain in my mind and soul is unbearable.....🐥😢
Im sick from alcohol today and the pain in my stomach is crushing.
The pain in my mind and soul is unbearable.....🐥😢
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
Alcohol had me in such a state of hopeless and despair it amazes me now.
EVERYTHING upset me. Depression, helplessness, you name it.
My doctor and meds turned everything around.
Im only on low dose anti d's for a year or two until my system levels off.
Ive had no compulsion to drink.
It was a last resort for me as I DETESTED the thought of taking meds.
Im so glad I did.
Just a suggestion if things are getting seriously rough for you.
EVERYTHING upset me. Depression, helplessness, you name it.
My doctor and meds turned everything around.
Im only on low dose anti d's for a year or two until my system levels off.
Ive had no compulsion to drink.
It was a last resort for me as I DETESTED the thought of taking meds.
Im so glad I did.
Just a suggestion if things are getting seriously rough for you.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It's a horrible place to be in, I know.
And it's circular.
I feel bad about myself, so I isolate and drink, so I feel bad about myself, so I try to do something about it but I feel so bad about myself that I don't think I belong, so I retreat and isolate again, then I feel like a failure. Oh! It's exhausting just writing it and that's not the whole of it as you well know.
Without sounding trite, my best suggestion is to try it all over again. In a balanced and deliberate fashion. It definitely sounds like you could benefit from therapy and/or medication - I do both. I see a psychotherapist and psychiatrist who both specialize in dual diagnoses. It's very helpful. I also post here regularly, read a lot, and go to AA. It's been a very long haul and I wouldn't dare say I've found "the solution" because I've been trying to quit and stay quit for damned well near 10 years. But I can tell you that it feels like I've hit on "it" this time, thank the heavens.
For sure, neither you or I will have a chance of hitting on it if we don't keep trying. And for sure, the alcohol has to go before the other stuff can get figured out. That's just a plain hard fact.
Stick with us, try hard, force yourself to do things. You have every excuse in the world to be bored, but there's really no reason for it - there's a lot of opportunity for you to turn things around.
xo
O
And it's circular.
I feel bad about myself, so I isolate and drink, so I feel bad about myself, so I try to do something about it but I feel so bad about myself that I don't think I belong, so I retreat and isolate again, then I feel like a failure. Oh! It's exhausting just writing it and that's not the whole of it as you well know.
Without sounding trite, my best suggestion is to try it all over again. In a balanced and deliberate fashion. It definitely sounds like you could benefit from therapy and/or medication - I do both. I see a psychotherapist and psychiatrist who both specialize in dual diagnoses. It's very helpful. I also post here regularly, read a lot, and go to AA. It's been a very long haul and I wouldn't dare say I've found "the solution" because I've been trying to quit and stay quit for damned well near 10 years. But I can tell you that it feels like I've hit on "it" this time, thank the heavens.
For sure, neither you or I will have a chance of hitting on it if we don't keep trying. And for sure, the alcohol has to go before the other stuff can get figured out. That's just a plain hard fact.
Stick with us, try hard, force yourself to do things. You have every excuse in the world to be bored, but there's really no reason for it - there's a lot of opportunity for you to turn things around.
xo
O
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by whitejay
so what your saying is your new medicine took away your compulsion ?
Yes, it did.
Im not trying to give anyone false hope or sell meds, but I really just expected a little relief from the crushing despair so I could just THINK.
Im amazed.
Everyones different.
Their biochemistry, situation, etc. but I had to do SOMETHING. It was just the end of the line.
I never expected to feel so much better.
Im still paying off the expensive toilet paper (dont ask) and I still have the same life stuff going on, but I feel like I can handle it and I feel hopeful.
I dont even think of drinking.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Obladi
It's a horrible place to be in, I know.
And it's circular.
I feel bad about myself, so I isolate and drink, so I feel bad about myself, so I try to do something about it but I feel so bad about myself that I don't think I belong, so I retreat and isolate again, then I feel like a failure. Oh! It's exhausting just writing it and that's not the whole of it as you well know.
Without sounding trite, my best suggestion is to try it all over again. In a balanced and deliberate fashion. It definitely sounds like you could benefit from therapy and/or medication - I do both. I see a psychotherapist and psychiatrist who both specialize in dual diagnoses. It's very helpful. I also post here regularly, read a lot, and go to AA. It's been a very long haul and I wouldn't dare say I've found "the solution" because I've been trying to quit and stay quit for damned well near 10 years. But I can tell you that it feels like I've hit on "it" this time, thank the heavens.
For sure, neither you or I will have a chance of hitting on it if we don't keep trying. And for sure, the alcohol has to go before the other stuff can get figured out. That's just a plain hard fact.
Stick with us, try hard, force yourself to do things. You have every excuse in the world to be bored, but there's really no reason for it - there's a lot of opportunity for you to turn things around.
xo
O
And it's circular.
I feel bad about myself, so I isolate and drink, so I feel bad about myself, so I try to do something about it but I feel so bad about myself that I don't think I belong, so I retreat and isolate again, then I feel like a failure. Oh! It's exhausting just writing it and that's not the whole of it as you well know.
Without sounding trite, my best suggestion is to try it all over again. In a balanced and deliberate fashion. It definitely sounds like you could benefit from therapy and/or medication - I do both. I see a psychotherapist and psychiatrist who both specialize in dual diagnoses. It's very helpful. I also post here regularly, read a lot, and go to AA. It's been a very long haul and I wouldn't dare say I've found "the solution" because I've been trying to quit and stay quit for damned well near 10 years. But I can tell you that it feels like I've hit on "it" this time, thank the heavens.
For sure, neither you or I will have a chance of hitting on it if we don't keep trying. And for sure, the alcohol has to go before the other stuff can get figured out. That's just a plain hard fact.
Stick with us, try hard, force yourself to do things. You have every excuse in the world to be bored, but there's really no reason for it - there's a lot of opportunity for you to turn things around.
xo
O
Like I dont belong. When I have a bad hangover I get into a very dark, deep place and pray for death.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I certainly don't have a magic bullet or something but I can share with you how I approached it back in 2015. I was laid up from my injuries and had sold the company, I made staying sober the #1 thing in my life for weeks at a time. The only thing more important to me was air to breath. And that's what it took. I wish you the very best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Whitejay I am so sorry for how you are feeling. The one thing you should remember is that you are FAR FAR from the end. There is no quick end with alcohol. There is misery and suffering and humiliation in your future. You will continue to not be able to form healthy relationships, you will lose your mobility, you will lose your cognitive abilities, and on and on.
You are still capable of looking at this situation as seen in your posts above. Do anything you can to get a sober day or two/three together and try something radically different this time. Pack a backpack with some water and some food and get out and start walking. Miles and miles and miles. Anything physical that occupies your mind. When I was using (over 3 decades and the last 10 years - insanity), I really wasn't capable of forming meaningful relationships. That will all come back with some sober time. You cannot drink anymore Whitejay. I am living in Day 43 here and if I can stay sober, ANYONE can stay sober. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
You are still capable of looking at this situation as seen in your posts above. Do anything you can to get a sober day or two/three together and try something radically different this time. Pack a backpack with some water and some food and get out and start walking. Miles and miles and miles. Anything physical that occupies your mind. When I was using (over 3 decades and the last 10 years - insanity), I really wasn't capable of forming meaningful relationships. That will all come back with some sober time. You cannot drink anymore Whitejay. I am living in Day 43 here and if I can stay sober, ANYONE can stay sober. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by whitejay
You said exactly how I feel too.
Like I dont belong. When I have a bad hangover I get into a very dark, deep place and pray for death.
Like I dont belong. When I have a bad hangover I get into a very dark, deep place and pray for death.
Many people have felt this way. I have. Even without the hangover. Even before I started drinking. You are not wrong, deluding yourself about having these feelings, stupid, a loser, or otherwise plain incompetent for "not getting it." You're a real person with real feelings. Maybe there's hurt from the past that needs to be addressed through therapy. Maybe you just need to learn to cope with your problems sober. Maybe you are suffering from an misdiagnosed or incorrectly medicated psychiatric disorder. Maybe the meds don't work because you've been drinking on them. There's really no way to tell until you remove alcohol from the equation.
Give yourself a break and give yourself a chance. Commit to not drinking no matter what. Suffer through it and do things to get support. See what happens. It couldn't possibly get worse, right?
O
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 308
Originally Posted by whitejay
I'm really messed up and should probably get a therapist because I have no one to talk to.
As for feeling pathetic, you aren’t. If alcoholism makes you pathetic then everyone here is pathetic. There are many people here who are very educated, have great jobs, have great families, etc. Really great people that simply fell into addiction.
Call yourself anything you want but you are not pathetic. Stay reading and posting here and we all look forward to your progress!
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