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Too late for me?

Old 12-01-2019, 05:17 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
again don;t want to worry you but I drank for 20 years - it took me longer than 47 days to consistently feel better from that kind of history - around 90 days I felt a real lasting change for the better - I hope you will too

D
I hope so too...I really appreciate the encouragement. SR is all that I have for support really right now...other than choosing every day to be sober. I count my days and I know I'm being impatient when it took me time to arrive at this damage level.
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Old 12-01-2019, 05:20 PM
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I think everyone is impatient to feel better.

There's something about relying on a bottle to feel good for that long that makes us used to immediate gratification....but life outside addiction is not really built like that.

D
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Old 12-01-2019, 05:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Auchieshuggle View Post
The last couple of days I have been getting what feels like a single very strong heart beat which is accompanied with, or perhaps preceded by, a sort of adrenaline rush...and then I feel panicky.



Eighteen months is amazing! The longest I have done since I was fifteen is nine months, and I could kick myself for ever drinking again. Maybe that's why this is so bad...maybe it's so in nine months we don't look back and think "ach, what's the harm in having a wee drink..."



I'm pretty lonely, too. I'm also wondering whether this will be it for me, and that I'll lose my job and spend my life as a recluse. I'm in my early forties too, by the way.

I've sent you a friend request (the first time I have sent one actually). Hopefully we can look back on this in a year and be grateful.
I've had those symptoms too in the past..I believe them to be panic attacks after nothing medical was found to be the source. They stopped when I was able to find a little peace in my life.

My anxiety now is more incessant worry, my nervous system feels amped due to recovery I am guessing and I'm hoping in time healing will reduce all the ruminating as my symptoms fade.

I've been reassigned about eight times in 20 some years, so it's hard to rebuild and start over and I've learned to rely on myself. It's not intentional isolation persay...just a result of my occupation. Lonelier as I get older and looking forward to building bonds again.

Drinking alone did ensure I remained isolated from others. Another sign it's not a life I was to live.

Thanks for your friend request, Auchie...I'll stay in touch through this and hopefully we can nudge each other along.
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Old 12-01-2019, 05:38 PM
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Fear is a big part of Alcoholism. Taking away the alcohol the fear is still there in my face. I go to an AA meeting- I hear people tell me how their fear has diminished. I hear people tell me that it gets better. I hear people tell me how grateful to be Sober. I hear people that the "promises" have come true.
Rewards of Recovery
The AA promises are found on pages 83-84 of Chapter 6, “Into Action” in Alcoholics Anonymous, (also known as the “Big Book”) written by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob. The 12 promises of AA are presented as part of working Step 9, which involves making amends.
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Old 12-01-2019, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by sadforldr7 View Post
I've had those symptoms too in the past..I believe them to be panic attacks after nothing medical was found to be the source. They stopped when I was able to find a little peace in my life.

My anxiety now is more incessant worry, my nervous system feels amped due to recovery I am guessing and I'm hoping in time healing will reduce all the ruminating as my symptoms fade.

I've been reassigned about eight times in 20 some years, so it's hard to rebuild and start over and I've learned to rely on myself. It's not intentional isolation persay...just a result of my occupation. Lonelier as I get older and looking forward to building bonds again.

Drinking alone did ensure I remained isolated from others. Another sign it's not a life I was to live.

Thanks for your friend request, Auchie...I'll stay in touch through this and hopefully we can nudge each other along.
My heart has become an obsession, I'm constantly scouring the internet for proof that this is normal, but can't find much to be honest. It's reassuring that you also experienced this and recovered.

I know this seems sad, but I used to prefer drinking alone in the house. I would often start off drinking socially, but then I would leave the pub and buy a carry out which I'd enjoy drinking whilst watching YouTube videos or reading stuff on the internet. I used to hate waking up in the morning and having blacked out before I got home - "what if I've done something bad, and been filmed and it's gone viral?!", etc. I quite liked my own company when I'd had a few drinks.

Eight times in twenty years is a lot of moving about. I think I'd have been inclined to drink, too. I know people who enjoy moving about, but I think it's better for one's mental health if you're settled. I hope you manage to stay put soon.

Do keep in touch, I'd be interested to see how you progress and yes, we can encourage one another.
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Old 12-01-2019, 06:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Auchieshuggle View Post
I am going through a similar thing, indeed I am actually agoraphobic at the moment!

Like you I blame kindling, as I 'stopped' for several days over the last few months only to go back to the booze. I tried to taper my alcohol intake before stopping, but found that I was unable to control it and would end up getting completely drunk. In the end I just stopped with the aid of some valium.

I thought the anxiety was lessening, but the last few days have been hellish; I am now panicky, obsessing about my heart and worrying about whether this nightmare will ever end.

Best of luck, and may God bless you.
I tried tapering months before I quit, even got 3 days sober back in June before I picked back up drinking more than ever and had a three week downward spiral I'll never forget.

I didn't start having anxiety and panic attacks until the first part of this year after being an alcoholic for nearly 15 years and it got terrible, my drinking got ridiculous I bought a 24 pack of beer daily and kept vodka and tequila on hand. When I quit the anxiety and panic attacks were crippling.

Everyone heals at different rates, my anxiety and panic attacks are gone, blood pressure is normal, pins and needle feelings in my toes are gone. I've thought long term health effects and damage done, however the only way I found peace was to plan ahead but only live today and not worry about tomorrow.

I had to forgive myself for what I had done to myself, and except any possible consequences that I had caused. Its not an easy task but it gave me courage to move forward and keep moving forward.
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Old 12-01-2019, 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by joe801 View Post
I tried tapering months before I quit, even got 3 days sober back in June before I picked back up drinking more than ever and had a three week downward spiral I'll never forget.
Tapering is very, very hard. I have had some success with it in the past, but it takes a lot of self-discipline. That's why I just decided to stop, and used valium for the withdrawal.

I didn't start having anxiety and panic attacks until the first part of this year after being an alcoholic for nearly 15 years and it got terrible, my drinking got ridiculous I bought a 24 pack of beer daily and kept vodka and tequila on hand. When I quit the anxiety and panic attacks were crippling.
Aye, I know how it is. I have had mornings where I have raked through my bin looking for empty cans and bottles and then poured all the dregs into a glass, to help me get to the shop to get more. What a pathetic creature!

Everyone heals at different rates, my anxiety and panic attacks are gone, blood pressure is normal, pins and needle feelings in my toes are gone. I've thought long term health effects and damage done, however the only way I found peace was to plan ahead but only live today and not worry about tomorrow.
How long did it take for the anxiety and panic attacks to subside? Aye, I should try to 'live in the moment', but it's difficult.

I had to forgive myself for what I had done to myself, and except any possible consequences that I had caused. Its not an easy task but it gave me courage to move forward and keep moving forward.
I have psoriasis, which I'm sure will be linked to my alcoholism and smoking. I don't even want to contemplate the rest of the damage I have done just yet.

Thanks for you reply. It's gone 3 am here, so I'm going to try to get some sleep.
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Old 12-01-2019, 07:34 PM
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I was able to fully "grocery shop" within a full week without having fear of a panic attack while in line to check out. I couldn't even go buy toilet tissue/paper during the first few days, I could drive to the convenience store grab the item I just couldn't physically pay for it. Even picking up food through the drive thru gave me terror.


General anxiety about thirty days, hope you have a great sleep.
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Old 12-02-2019, 03:50 AM
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Originally Posted by joe801 View Post
I was able to fully "grocery shop" within a full week without having fear of a panic attack while in line to check out. I couldn't even go buy toilet tissue/paper during the first few days, I could drive to the convenience store grab the item I just couldn't physically pay for it. Even picking up food through the drive thru gave me terror.


General anxiety about thirty days, hope you have a great sleep.
I slept like a log, thanks!

It's reassuring to know that you had generalised anxiety for thirty days. I've completed a full 21 days in twelve minutes, as I type this, so there's hope that I can recover yet. Thanks for your replies, they've been very helpful.
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Old 12-02-2019, 06:56 AM
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It's never too late until you are dead. Just like the frog. You can always get out... until you're dead. It may or may not get harder the longer you wait. I don't know.
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