Gabe1980

I feel like crap.

I was doing really well for the last couple of months . Anxiety was bad but I have been building on my recovery plan and have had very little cravings but it all seems to have gone to hell.

My husband caught the norovirus, then I caught it It was awful and a week later I still feel exhausted and emotionally really fragile. I haven't been swimming, missed my meetings, haven't been spending so much time reading here and my whole routine has just fallen apart....then BOOM I really wanted to drink today

I get why....I know I need all the things I've been doing to keep me sober and support my recovery.....I also know this is not the end of the world and I just need to build myself up slowly again.....but I feel really upset by it all. I'm exhausted and anxious again and I'm craving sugar all the time.

I just wanted to post to re-commit to my recovery and to getting back on my feet. I'm going to turn it around, go back to being positive and practicing gratitude. I have always been vulnerable about 8 weeks in as I start to slip away from the things that really help me. I am not doing that this time. This is MY TIME. I am going to keep going forward and stay sober.

Wine can get to ****

Thanks everyone xxxx

Obladi

I'm no expert in sobriety, but I have a lot of experience with feeling really uncomfortable around those milestones. This last time, I decided that if i was going to feel crappy, then that's how I would feel. No need for guilt, remorse, shame - as long as I didn't drink.

And I didn't!

Maybe just give yourself permission to feel how you feel? Eat some sugar.

And go to a meeting. You won't be sorry.

Hugs
O

SoberRican

Hey at the end of the day if you dont drink you are going to realize that its not as bad. Then Feel good that you did it without resorting to booze.

Gabe1980

Thanks guys. I think I'm just strggling with feeling like I am failing, and then I panic.

I know these feeling though and I've had them before. It's been easier to deal with the cravings this time. I just need to nip this thinking in the bud now.

I also had 5 chocolate biscuits - that has helped!

Obladi

Feelings aren't evidence of failure. You're still sober, so you are succeeding!

Good move on the biscuits.

Obladi

Also, yes.
It is hard.

xo

Gabe1980

It is. But I have the things I need now to keep going. I didn't have that before. It has taken a lot of trial and error but I can do it 😄

faith823

Hi,
Congrats on living life on life's terms and not picking up a drink.
That is part of recovery/sobriety so I think you are right on track.

thomas11

There is an old saying, "nothing worthwhile is ever easy". Thus you said "this is hard." You are doing the right thing. Not giving in to the beast.

Delilah1

I’m really proud of you for logging in and sharing how you’re feeling. You are sober, and that’s the most important thing!! Give yourself permission to slowly get back into swimming, but make sure you jump back into all of the recovery things that have been working for you.

You’ve got this Gabe!

Dee74

I'm sorry you've been ill. I find that being ill can mimic a lot of the feelings I had when I was drinking - a little despair, frustration, even guilt for 'letting' myself be sick.

Its good you're so self aware and I'm sure you'll hit the ground running with meetings etc again soon, but be gentle with yourself too Gabe

D

HeadEast

I love that statement.

Gabe1980

Hi Faith. Thank you I think I'm getting better at it. Better at handling the disappointment and frustration that I feel sometimes and not drinking to numb it out. I'm feeling a bit more grounded today. I'm just going to have to go with it as it wont last forever x

Gabe1980

I was thinking this morning that sometimes everything works and it all seems doable - then sometimes it all feels impossible and I have no energy for anything. Maybe its just accepting how things are in the moment and letting myself be. I get really pissed off with 'letting myself down' but if I am still choosing not to drink then I am still doing right by myself x

Gabe1980

Thank you Delilah, I had a big smile reading your post. Thinking about those times I used to just drink and come here the next day feeling miserable. I just knew this time that I had fallen too far away from my plan and it left me feeling really vulnerable. Posting here made me feel better and more secure, it really does help to just reaffirm and commit again to what I am doing in order to stay sober.

In for the good and in for the bad! I'll start slowly this week and try to build on that xx

Gabe1980

Thanks D, I was thinking about this and it's the frustration and irritability that was getting to me me. Then I realised it was resentment - resentment at life ruining everything! I have a really low tolerance for that and I just wanted a quick fix. I've realised though that I am starting to trust myself more. I can this without running away from these feelings.

The chocolate really helped! Sometimes I reckon its just a quick boost of endorphins. I may have cake today!!

Gabe1980

Me too!!!!

August252015

Gabe! Love your thread and continued posting so much. Proud of you.

And, oh my....could I relate?! Actually, in the past few days. Confusing, too, because awash with gratitude on Thu, I also felt some of the most discontent and truly relief-seeking feelings (what I'd call "THAT feeling"). It sucked, actually! But talking myself thru it, telling my husband, knowing that we were eating Thgvg lunch out....it turned out ok.

Fear has been my "thing"- I've been "realizing it" for maybe 6 mo....and that gets in the way of everything!

You're doing great. Oh, and I will def have dessert today - at least once- because it's my wedding anniversary! Not that I need a reason on other days but just sayin'

venuscat

Have you heard Anna's saying. We adopted it in our March16 class.



I love you. s ❤️

Gabe1980

Awww Happy Anniversary August and thank you for your post. I hope you enjoyed your dessert!

These feelings a rough but I'm thinking maybe I'm going through this for a reason too. I don't know whether I'm just expecting too much of myself, what the balance should be and I can never seem to get into a decent routine that I can keep up with.

I do know that looking back on the last week, I did handle this relatively well and I didn't really consider drinking, I just got scared that I had lost all the work I've been putting in because that craving/thinking came back.

I don't want to feel that I am never quite reaching where I should be in Recovery, where I want to be. Maybe I just have to work on being grateful and accepting where I am just now. I'm doing ok xx