WaterOx

I understand that this is a broad sweeping question, technically every moment is a quit and every drink is a relapse....but it's a Friday night, I didn't drink, and I'm checking in....so just please try to work with me, ok?! lol

jimmyJlover

Sober Friday nights are the best. They lead to sober Saturday mornings feeling refreshed!

I don't recall the relapses so much, because I had many false promises to myself. However I do recall the moments leading me to living a sober life and I try not forget them daily.

You're sober on a Friday night...you're doing it!

ThatWasTheOldMe

100's

I just don't want people to interpret that answer as "It's okay to drink, you'll get it eventually." I'm personally lucky to be alive.

SoberRican

I try not think back to relapse days . well I wouldnt even call them that per se. Being I still had reservations. But 195 days ago was the day I officially said thats it. I'm done. So far so good. One day at a time fam. ✌

Callas

I stopped 3 years ago for 6 months but I always had the intention to drink again. This time it’s hopefully for good.

Dee74

I've probably shared before I would start each week on Monday swearing to stay sober and often be drinking again - sometimes Tuesday, sometimes Wednesday... sometimes within the hour.

Those times aren't really instructive tho - it's the time I stopped for good that is.

That was when I decided to do whatever necessary not to drink again, no matter what.

D

WaterOx

I guess that's the point of my post. Not so much how many times did you relapse....what the heck was it that made you stop?

Dave42001

Great post. Thanks for sharing.. I’ve had 100+.. do drugs count?= <1000

In my recovery/ experience.. I honestly bounced around for 1.5 years= 18 months before I really was able to start to establish some serious sober time..

Kudos to you.. reaching out to the fellowship is huge!

You’re doing great!! Keep it up!!

Dee74

fear of imminent dying.

I've learnt since tho that needn't be the 'bottom'.

You can accept that alcohol and you have a toxic relationship at any point in that relationship - and you can decide to act at any time, armed with that knowledge self awareness and acceptance.

You must know that drinkings no good for you Water Ox.

You must realise the inevitability of disaster when you pick up a drink again; and you must be at the point of knowing or at least suspecting that you can have the life you want, or drink - but not both?

So to throw a question back at you - what are you gonna do about it?

D

least

I can't tell you how many times I started drinking again after swearing I'd quit for good. I can't remember. I do remember very well, my last day one. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was determined to change my life for real this time.

Whatever force was in place at that time must have been It tho, as it'll be 10 yrs next month since my last drink. And that's what I count.

Kaily

Every morning I woke up and promised myself never again. Later that same day I would be drinking again.

In time it progressed, no more promises, I just woke up and drank all day, I kinda accepted my alcoholism. At times I made numerous futile attempts to stop until I eventually did.

Will it last forever? I hope so but don't know so.

DriGuy

OK, you're implying you don't want me to do this, but I'm going to do it anyway because the "every moment is a quit and every drink is a relapse" is the closest I can come to relapse, and frankly, I think that's exactly what it is. I used to look at guys going out after long periods of sobriety and wonder why, and I would think to myself, "I never did that," but I think that was a false perception on my part.

I relapsed every night for years. If you try not to drink, and then you drink. That's a relapse, no matter whether it's hours since your last drink or months or years. That first drink restarts the alcoholism no matter how long you've been sober.

This comes from me wondering for a long time why others go out after long periods of sobriety, and I think it's the same reason I kept falling off the wagon on a nightly basis. Maybe I'm wrong, but in keeping with the idea of "its Friday night and bear with me," just bear with me.

It seems to me the reason I relapsed was that even though I knew that others quit for good and I wasn't adverse to that, I never fully accepted it as the "cure". I was always trying to moderate and with the most wholesome intentions possible. I wasn't really lying to myself. nor was I rejecting abstinence. Moderation like a normie was just the way a I wanted it to be, and who wouldn't? Well, me... not now, but then.

I had to get to a point where I realized I wasn't going to quit until I quit, and I tend to view relapse, whether it's 18 hours after the last drink or 36 months, as never reaching that point where you quit. You're not quit until you're quit.

Now I don't want to trivialize the suffering of those who go back out after long periods of sobriety, so if I'm wrong, please forgive me and set me straight. It may be that it's just the way it was for me and not for others, but it seems to me going back out means there is still something you want from alcohol. Maybe it's just a fantasy, but fantasies can be compelling. There is nothing in alcohol that I want. Maybe it's sour grapes and I don't want it because I can't get it, or more realistically, I don't want it because I fully realize it's not there. But it seems to me that is fundamentally what's at the bottom of a relapse. You want to get something from alcohol, and you still think there might be something there, even though there never will be for us as alcoholics.

aasharon90

When I hit my bottom in my alcohol addiction, I was
placed into the hands of those capable and knowledgeable
to teach me about my addiction and handed me the gift
of a recovery program to incorporate in my everyday life.

This gave me hope that I need not ever pick up a drink
again and have all the misery that came with it refunded
back to me.

I was 30 yrs old when I entered recovery and began
my journey living a new healthy, happy, honest way
of life to get me where I am today.

Some 29 yrs. of one day at a time sober added together,
incorporating a continuous program of recovery building
a strong solid foundation to live upon with gratitude and
countless blessings.

When I accepted this new way of life yrs ago, I grabbed
a hold of it and have never let go. Even when life throws
me curve balls from time to time. I suit up and show up
remaining teachable learning new ways to work thru them
without my dependence on a controlled poisonous deadly
substance running rapid thru my heart, mind and soul.

doggonecarl

Nothing made me stop. Nothing external, that is. I stopped when I saw my drinking for exactly what it was, with no denial, a moment of clarity, you could say, about where my drinking was and where it was going to take me.

I stay stopped because I accepted never drinking again. Ever. I accepted that not drinking wasn't a punishment. I stay stopped because I learned how to live and love the sober life. In other words, I found recovery.

You don't have to wait until you hit bottom, get arrested, are admitted to the hospital. You can make the decision to quit for good right this very second.

But then you have to do everything in you power to support that decision. If you haven't been doing that, it explains the relapses.

Rose335

I couldn't put it better than Carl above although these are relatively early days for me (just over 5 months). But I also definitely finally saw, with an absolute moment of clarity, just how I drank and how it was always going to be and that gave me the impetus to stop. Never, ever one glass for me and by the end of the evening no real joy gained from drinking at all. Ironically, the only glass of wine I ever really enjoyed in my drinking days was the first one of the evening: if there'd been any chance I could stop after that one glass I might have continued drinking. But there wasn't. Not ever. I have literally never had a single glass of wine in my drinking life. And I'm never going to so therefore I can't drink. Accepting that was key for me and then coming up with a (fairly simple) plan to change my life. So far it is working. And it's also true somewhat to my amazement that it doesn't feel like any kind of punishment.

And the quick answer is near to Kaily's. Before I gave up, I woke up every morning vowing not to drink. Then every afternoon at about 4 o'clock I headed for the off-licence. That went on for a very long time. Writing this makes me realise how glad I am that it is over.

wiscsober

^^^^yes^^^^
Dozens
One drink all bets off.
Also, lucky I'm alive and didn't kill or maim anyone.
Enjoyed my sober Friday night. All nights going to bed sober are a reprieve.
Living sober I can generally predict what is going to happen in my life; drunken, I try, but really don't care what happens. The most important thing is the supply of drugs and alcohol.

The most important thing, sober, is a long long long list of gratitude and happiness.

Best avoid the toll-taker. Do not travel down that road my friend.

saoutchik

The thing that was different between my hundreds (literally) of relapses and my final quit of close to five years ago was that I did not rely on willpower alone. I worked out what it was I needed to do to take away the evening cravings. Maybe it was a bit like Dee in as much as I could sense approaching death that drove me to think my situation through to a successful conclusion.

I'm an alcoholic and still have very occasional drinking thoughts - I guess I always will but after the depths I plumbed I know there is no moderation for me so I'm done with it.

DriGuy

Right. Not drinking is not a punishment. It's not even a sacrifice.

Daisybelle

A zillion, trillion, billion but something's changed within me this time. I've been sober now for 19 months and I just don't want to drink any more. End of. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and started to focus on what I needed to do...not drink. It's been the best thing I've ever done for myself. No regrets. X

ScottFromWI

I'm with Carl on this. Quitting was a choice i had to make, no one could do it for me. You will quit for good when you want to do it bad enough. Certainly there are things you can do to help you in following through on your decision to quit - like recovery groups/programs/plans, or rehabs/detox. But none of them in themselves will "make" you quit.

I certainly waffled between short periods of quitting for years, decades really. But looking back I framed those as basically taking some time off and never fully intended to quit for good. Taking a break, cutting back, basically the old moderation pipe dream. Over and over.

So this time was different, and mainly because of the choices I made. I accepted that drinking even one sip of alcohol will never be an option for me if I don't want to face the consequences - which were becoming more and more severe. And one I made that choice, I had to form a plan to help me follow through on it. You can do the same - you have everything you need to do it in your possession right now.