A year on from a bottle of vodka everyday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
A year on from a bottle of vodka everyday.
I joined SR halfheartedly back in 2014. I was totally lost but apparently not done with drinking yet. I made multiple attempts but was barely getting more than a day and not very often at that.
I would post intermittently pleading for help as my alcoholism continued to get worse and worse. I went to my GP, local drug and alcohol team and even to A&E. I couldn't get a detox because I live alone yet I was constantly being told not to stop drinking but to taper. Well that for me was impossible.
I attended AA for many months but it just didn't suit my sensitive introverted personality.
My intake had by then increased to 700ml of vodka a day, some days a litre. I often drank beer or wine on top as well. Sometimes I would look myself in the eye in the mirror and laugh at what I had become. A drunken bloated mess.
September last year something changed. I started to really fight the beast. It was do or die. My health was declining, I had liver pains and my blood pressure was rising, it was so high that I was on 3 different medications to bring it down but they weren't working. My average reading was 180/101. There was absolutely no pleasure left in alcohol but still a desperate need. It was my crutch for life, my companion and my medication to keep difficult feelings and emotions away.
At 56 and having been drinking since I was 13 it was never going to be easy to stop.
Somehow my mindset changed. The realisation that the only way I was going to stop was to actually stop today, not tomorrow, next week, or sometime never. I joined the October class but had a couple of slips so went on to join the November class. From there on in the days became weeks and the weeks became months. Today the months became a year.
I like to say the stars aligned.
Slowly sober is becoming my new normal. I will never take it for granted and I am constantly vigilant and know my limitations. I keep myself safe as I can.
The insidious irritating AV still reminds me its there. My life hasn't miraculously changed (yet?). But I am no longer drowning in a sea of vodka. Life is better but far from perfect. Loneliness, isolation and dealing with past traumas are still big factors.
I for one didn't think I would ever do it, I believed I was a lost cause.
But bad as it got, I never gave up trying.
Thank you Sober Recovery.
I would post intermittently pleading for help as my alcoholism continued to get worse and worse. I went to my GP, local drug and alcohol team and even to A&E. I couldn't get a detox because I live alone yet I was constantly being told not to stop drinking but to taper. Well that for me was impossible.
I attended AA for many months but it just didn't suit my sensitive introverted personality.
My intake had by then increased to 700ml of vodka a day, some days a litre. I often drank beer or wine on top as well. Sometimes I would look myself in the eye in the mirror and laugh at what I had become. A drunken bloated mess.
September last year something changed. I started to really fight the beast. It was do or die. My health was declining, I had liver pains and my blood pressure was rising, it was so high that I was on 3 different medications to bring it down but they weren't working. My average reading was 180/101. There was absolutely no pleasure left in alcohol but still a desperate need. It was my crutch for life, my companion and my medication to keep difficult feelings and emotions away.
At 56 and having been drinking since I was 13 it was never going to be easy to stop.
Somehow my mindset changed. The realisation that the only way I was going to stop was to actually stop today, not tomorrow, next week, or sometime never. I joined the October class but had a couple of slips so went on to join the November class. From there on in the days became weeks and the weeks became months. Today the months became a year.
I like to say the stars aligned.
Slowly sober is becoming my new normal. I will never take it for granted and I am constantly vigilant and know my limitations. I keep myself safe as I can.
The insidious irritating AV still reminds me its there. My life hasn't miraculously changed (yet?). But I am no longer drowning in a sea of vodka. Life is better but far from perfect. Loneliness, isolation and dealing with past traumas are still big factors.
I for one didn't think I would ever do it, I believed I was a lost cause.
But bad as it got, I never gave up trying.
Thank you Sober Recovery.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I'm 55 and is quit at 50.
I still obsess a bit, but the natural endorphins and dopamine are increasing.
That means I get happy for no reason.
I exercise 4 to 7 days a week, depending on how I feel. I think that may have helped me recover faster. 4 years instead of 6 years or whatever.
The education about the brain damage etc is what helps keeps me clean. My balance and strength are still improving. I can easily press 47 kilos over my head several times and feel stable.
I accomplish many feats of fitness like this now that motivate me to stay Jack Lalane clean for the rest of my days.
All this was a drunken dream 4 years ago.
My addiction was maintained because I didn't know about the cns damage etc. Sr saved me.
For some reason, my bp being 190/110 didn't bother me, but getting agoraphobic did.
Either way, I am free and smarter. Sr taught me.,i would have relapsed 50 more times by now. I would be in the looney bin.
I know I will crave for the rest of my life. But, I will never drink again.
Booze is poison and highly addictive. Drinking the way I did, and will if I ever relapsed, will kill a horse eventually.
I get high on life now. My energy emanates positivity.
Congrats your success.
Thanks.
I still obsess a bit, but the natural endorphins and dopamine are increasing.
That means I get happy for no reason.
I exercise 4 to 7 days a week, depending on how I feel. I think that may have helped me recover faster. 4 years instead of 6 years or whatever.
The education about the brain damage etc is what helps keeps me clean. My balance and strength are still improving. I can easily press 47 kilos over my head several times and feel stable.
I accomplish many feats of fitness like this now that motivate me to stay Jack Lalane clean for the rest of my days.
All this was a drunken dream 4 years ago.
My addiction was maintained because I didn't know about the cns damage etc. Sr saved me.
For some reason, my bp being 190/110 didn't bother me, but getting agoraphobic did.
Either way, I am free and smarter. Sr taught me.,i would have relapsed 50 more times by now. I would be in the looney bin.
I know I will crave for the rest of my life. But, I will never drink again.
Booze is poison and highly addictive. Drinking the way I did, and will if I ever relapsed, will kill a horse eventually.
I get high on life now. My energy emanates positivity.
Congrats your success.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Congratulations Kaily, you’re an inspiration , indeed. I remember your earlier posts, and how you never gave up trying, to give up drinking. You say your life hasn’t changed, but from this side of the screen, your posts have changed and the real Kaily is shining brightly through.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Huge congratulations! I was very similar to you, the quart of vodka a day, the HBP, the horrible reflection in the mirror. The wisdom & encouragement here, the inspiration that it was possible to live a better life without drinking. So, so happy for you & thank you for posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 769
Kaily 
. Thanks so much for your share. I feel I know you a bit better now. I always wonder about people's story's. I'm so happy that you made it to sobriety.
I so understand the feelings of isolation and loneliness. I experienced that for many years, even though I had children - children aren't companions they're young people you're responsible for and have their own lives.
Keep on posting, I love to read your posts
. Thanks so much for your share. I feel I know you a bit better now. I always wonder about people's story's. I'm so happy that you made it to sobriety.I so understand the feelings of isolation and loneliness. I experienced that for many years, even though I had children - children aren't companions they're young people you're responsible for and have their own lives.
Keep on posting, I love to read your posts
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
What an awesome post . I am beyond happy for you. You are fighting for your life and you are winning yey! I love the saying "I may not be where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be".
lots of love to you on your continued journey of sobriety
🙏❤🙏❤
lots of love to you on your continued journey of sobriety
🙏❤🙏❤
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