I Suppose I'll Drink
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I don't think you want to drink...it does not sound like you WANT to drink...it sounds like you don't know how to cope otherwise....I'm sorry...I'm almost the same...I used alcohol to cope with everything my whole life....and it doesn't work anymore.
However, I have not thought of myself better dead..that must be a really tough mindset to shake...and if I had that mindset I would probably drink myself to death because I know of no other way to kill myself...that I could handle.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way and have no hope...I hope something changes in your life for you to get a slight ray of sunshine that keeps you going until you find other ways to cope.
However, I have not thought of myself better dead..that must be a really tough mindset to shake...and if I had that mindset I would probably drink myself to death because I know of no other way to kill myself...that I could handle.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way and have no hope...I hope something changes in your life for you to get a slight ray of sunshine that keeps you going until you find other ways to cope.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
I hear you on the student loan stress. It’s terrifying. I looked at mine tonight and thought I earn more, pay more... what’s the point? There are many things you can do though. I’m on PAYE plan. They only can take 10% of discretionary income. After 20-25 years all debts are forgiven. My income has been so low that my payments have been $0 for years, and this counts towards the forgiveness years. Now I’m making a livable wage, I’ll have to start paying. If u move abroad, they can’t see any income you earn. If you work in public service it will be forgiven after 10 years. So peace corps maybe the answer? There are options, drinking isn’t a good one. Call your loan providers, save up to go to a trade school to do something different. I had to return to college twice to specialize in something worthwhile. Yes, I hate my job, well I love my job just hate some dramatic co workers, but I can pay my bills. One day when I have more experience I can move up. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe 
...tomorrow night. Since I don't have much to live for anyway.
All I do is work for peanuts, eat, and sleep. Since I'm too stupid to get a better paying job. If I tried, I'd just fail. Plus I feel like I "owe" my current employer something since they gave me a "chance" when I quit and tried to become a day trader - and failed at that too. Oh how I failed miserably at that - boy is that a microcosm for me as a person. Failure.
I'll be paying off student loans for God knows how long for an engineering degree I don't use and never will.
I'm tired of caring. Or even waking up for that matter.
All I do is work for peanuts, eat, and sleep. Since I'm too stupid to get a better paying job. If I tried, I'd just fail. Plus I feel like I "owe" my current employer something since they gave me a "chance" when I quit and tried to become a day trader - and failed at that too. Oh how I failed miserably at that - boy is that a microcosm for me as a person. Failure.
I'll be paying off student loans for God knows how long for an engineering degree I don't use and never will.
I'm tired of caring. Or even waking up for that matter.
Please don’t drink. Please go one more day. Take it from me.
Prayers to you for strength and hope. If you don’t drink, tomorrow might be just like today or it might be better. If you do drink, it can only be worse.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,948
TWTOM, do you think you might have a touch of depression? OK, you’ve had a run of bad luck, and like a lot of people you’re not happy at work, but you’re obviously quite bright and have a lot to offer. If you haven’t spoken to your doctor about how you’re feeling, maybe think about it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
I too was engulfed by the power of negative thinking.
I'm blessed to have freed myself.
I'm blessed to have freed myself.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
TWTOM...asking what Dee did, please let us know how you are.
I felt so much like you did before I quit. And it did seem hopeless and the other words you used. But it isn't. My life is so different than I imagined, or than it was for the first 12 yrs post college and "first career" as I think of it now. But I wouldn't trade it for anything and I only have it bc I got sober.
You can - please find that kernel of willingness to get help.
I felt so much like you did before I quit. And it did seem hopeless and the other words you used. But it isn't. My life is so different than I imagined, or than it was for the first 12 yrs post college and "first career" as I think of it now. But I wouldn't trade it for anything and I only have it bc I got sober.
You can - please find that kernel of willingness to get help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by saoutchik
Wish I had an engineering degree.
It costs... let me calculate... 75 grand.
There's no reason to put yourself into debt to help society when society doesn't care about the smart people. It only cares about the uber rich - and our policies completely back that statement.
Fix capitalism, and I'll stop drinking. Ya know what, I'll stop drinking on my own and I'll continue to rant against capitalism here until someone bans me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Early on for me I’ve been realizing what shambles my life is in, I was drinking to ignore it while making it even worse. You are in that phase, like me, of sobering up to how unhappy you are. Taking inventory of life right now. Next step is fixing it. I have just as much student loan debt. My degree will never get me a very profitable job. With an engineering degree your life is very fixable. People are very ungrateful in my profession as well. I don’t care about it, I care about keeping my lights on, food in my kitchen, and paying off my debt. People can go ahead being ungrateful, I got a job to do.
Keep taking inventory and if you don’t drink you will fix it. We have to figure out everything that’s broken, before we repair it. You are in this process. Drinking will only put you further away from a life you want.
Keep taking inventory and if you don’t drink you will fix it. We have to figure out everything that’s broken, before we repair it. You are in this process. Drinking will only put you further away from a life you want.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe
Ya sure you could do something with it?
It costs... let me calculate... 75 grand.
There's no reason to put yourself into debt to help society when society doesn't care about the smart people. It only cares about the uber rich - and our policies completely back that statement.
Fix capitalism, and I'll stop drinking. Ya know what, I'll stop drinking on my own and I'll continue to rant against capitalism here until someone bans me.
It costs... let me calculate... 75 grand.
There's no reason to put yourself into debt to help society when society doesn't care about the smart people. It only cares about the uber rich - and our policies completely back that statement.
Fix capitalism, and I'll stop drinking. Ya know what, I'll stop drinking on my own and I'll continue to rant against capitalism here until someone bans me.
There's always a high demand for engineers in the US. I've been in the Civil field for 22 years. The work is always there, depending on your discipline of engineering, but you have to earn like everything else in life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm sorry you chose to drink TWTOM
Here's what I learned - nothing will ever change as long as I drink. Drinking was my way of making the intolerable tolerable - except it didn't work - it just made the intolerable even more intolerable.
I blamed big things, great instiututions too - society at large, capitalism, the death of education as edification, the dismantling of the welfare state...the marginalisation of the poor and disempowered.
Can;t fight against that right? may as well drink...
but none of those things made me drink. They were just rationalisations.
I drank because I was afraid of not having those reasons to account for the position I found myself in.
I was like the guy who drank all weekend and blame his being sick on bad food.
Alcoholism was my problem.
The only way I made my life more tolerable was to change it. And the only way I could change it was stop drinking.
Here's what I learned - nothing will ever change as long as I drink. Drinking was my way of making the intolerable tolerable - except it didn't work - it just made the intolerable even more intolerable.
I blamed big things, great instiututions too - society at large, capitalism, the death of education as edification, the dismantling of the welfare state...the marginalisation of the poor and disempowered.
Can;t fight against that right? may as well drink...
but none of those things made me drink. They were just rationalisations.
I drank because I was afraid of not having those reasons to account for the position I found myself in.
I was like the guy who drank all weekend and blame his being sick on bad food.
Alcoholism was my problem.
The only way I made my life more tolerable was to change it. And the only way I could change it was stop drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I was very depressed when I was drinking. It took me a few months, and my daily dose of Zoloft, to feel better, but I did feel better eventually.
I hope you'll stop drinking so you can find out how much better life can be when you're sober.
It took me a few months, and my daily dose of Zoloft, to feel better, but I did feel better eventually.I hope you'll stop drinking so you can find out how much better life can be when you're sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Originally Posted by BackandScared
If you have decided to drink anyway, I suggest you give yourself more cheerful excuses. I come from a very poor background. Drinking was never around me, because drinking was a luxury. Something you had a bit at Christmas or important celebrations. Misery and alcohol did not go together. It would have been utterly inmoral to drink because you were sad.
Not sure what I am trying to say, apart from the fact that there is no natural relationship between drinking and feeling useless. Good reasoning would tell you that if you are in debt and failing professionally you should not spend the money in unnecessary items.
It is not depression making you drink. It is your AV telling you this is a good reason, despite you knowing fully well that drinking will make it worse. I hope you find a better way.
Not sure what I am trying to say, apart from the fact that there is no natural relationship between drinking and feeling useless. Good reasoning would tell you that if you are in debt and failing professionally you should not spend the money in unnecessary items.
It is not depression making you drink. It is your AV telling you this is a good reason, despite you knowing fully well that drinking will make it worse. I hope you find a better way.
How are you doing today TWTOM?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
