ThatWasTheOldMe

...tomorrow night. Since I don't have much to live for anyway.

All I do is work for peanuts, eat, and sleep. Since I'm too stupid to get a better paying job. If I tried, I'd just fail. Plus I feel like I "owe" my current employer something since they gave me a "chance" when I quit and tried to become a day trader - and failed at that too. Oh how I failed miserably at that - boy is that a microcosm for me as a person. Failure.

I'll be paying off student loans for God knows how long for an engineering degree I don't use and never will.

I'm tired of caring. Or even waking up for that matter.

Dee74

Drinking won't change anything and will only make all those things worse man.

What about seeing a doctor or a counsellor about your negative spiral thinking and depression?

The cycles pretty clear to all of us who follow your threads - surely, on some level, it must be obvious to you too?

Getting some mental health help would be a great step in ending this cycle you're in, for good.

D

Primativo

I've always thought if you don't like your job, quit and do something different.

I know many people who didn't want to wake up in the morning when they were drinking, who now live happy fulfilled lives. It might mean you have to change job.

DO what makes you happy. If you're not sure what that is, try looking for it rather than drinking, which won't solve anything, just make it all worse.

doggonecarl

I too was engulfed by the power of negative thinking.

I'm blessed to have freed myself.

BackandScared

If you have decided to drink anyway, I suggest you give yourself more cheerful excuses. I come from a very poor background. Drinking was never around me, because drinking was a luxury. Something you had a bit at Christmas or important celebrations. Misery and alcohol did not go together. It would have been utterly inmoral to drink because you were sad.

Not sure what I am trying to say, apart from the fact that there is no natural relationship between drinking and feeling useless. Good reasoning would tell you that if you are in debt and failing professionally you should not spend the money in unnecessary items.

It is not depression making you drink. It is your AV telling you this is a good reason, despite you knowing fully well that drinking will make it worse. I hope you find a better way.

Fusion

I became addicted to alcohol decades ago, when my life circumstances were great, materially. I drank to celebrate, unfortunately, everyday. Tolerance set in, I needed more to feel the same high. Then, inevitably, increaased alcohol consumption affected my life and career, adversely, which caused depression.

The slow downward spiral began. I drank not to celebrate, but to self-medicate my feelings of inadequacy and despair. Despondency and depression became familiar, my perverted comfort zone. The zone where I self-sabotaged and self-defeated, because I didn’t even try to stop drinking (beyond saying every morning ‘I won’t drink today). The zone where I almost resigned myself to fate.

Don’t leave it too late, seek help if necessary, to break out of the spiral, before the Addict Voice starts to erode more of your self-worth, and you risk even the job you dislike. It’s better than no job and if you stop drinking and deal with depression, then from my experience, you’ll be able to fight back and realise your self-worth, seek a better job. Don’t give in, keep trying.

gypsytears

Tomorrow is 24 + hours away. If you can plan to drink you can certainly plan not to drink. I understand your frustration with your job. My hubs used to day trade and it didn’t pan out and he’s in a completely different field of work now. The good part for you is, you have a job. If you fall back into active alcoholism you might not. Find something to occupy yourself... if you go to meetings, go to one. If you don’t, do something else, post here... but whatever you do, don’t drink.

Gabe1980

Please don't. You'll feel even worse.

Anna

I hope that you talk to your doctor about the possibility of depression.

I'm really sorry that you are so down right now, and I hope you can find a way to enjoy your life without alcohol.

Newbeginning421

If you continue to drink nothing will ever get better. Not saying you will get a better paying job or use your degree in engineering if you do stop but you for sure won't if you continue to drink. Got to fight out of this pit, I know i am going to try again after this last month and half bender I have been on

saoutchik

Wish I had an engineering degree.

CRRHCC

>>Since I don't have much to live for anyway.<<

The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose.

What are yours? If you don't have them, find them. Life is not about being stupid or smart or educated or not educated. We better ourselves when we recognize how our habits, violate who we were, what we want to be, where we want to go in life.

We humans are not a cosmic accident, a mere collection of fundamental particles of nature, as the late Steven Hawking would posit. God created us with utmost significance, in His own image (Genesis 1:27). God wants us to learn to be like Him, in His image, specifically, in Christ's image. God's moral and behavioral imperative is that we are designed to become Christ like in character, but not in being!

least

I too was very depressed when I was drinking. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw no way out. It took me a few months of sobriety before my depression lifted. I have been taking Zoloft for years, but it did no good while I was drinking. Now that I'm sober, it helps make my depression manageable.

I hope you don't drink. I would suggest seeing your doctor and getting help for what seems like depression to me.

Hodd

abgator

just curious, but why won't you use your engineering degree?

Houstin

What kind of engineering degree? https://www.indeed.co.uk/International-Engineering-jobs

Soturi

Why won't you use your degree? Have you burned bridges or do you think you just can't do it? Because you can. You have to stop drinking, though. It's only amplifying negative feelings, OldMe.
You can absolutely do this. And you know it.

KissMyTiara

Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you are automatically hired making a high salary. If you graduated with a degree then you should use it. I graduated with an accounting degree. I got my first job doing practically bookkeeping clerical work. Making close to minimum wage. I kept after it. Ten years later I became a CPA and making good money. A degree doesn't promise you anything, but it is a HUGE step if you put your pride aside and capitalize on it. It doesn't happen over night.

AnvilheadII

28 years ago i took a temp job...i was "in between" jobs at the time. i photocopied stuff. like all day long.
today, for that same institution, without a degree, i manage millions of dollars in grant funding for cancer research.

degree or not, one has to do the footwork. suit up, show up, do the job you are hired to do.

Delilah1

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much right now, I hope you’ve decided not to drink. Sometimes flipping the script and looking at things through a lens of gratitude helps.

-You are sober tonight
-You have a degree
-You have a job
-You have people on this site who support you
-You have a place to live
-You have food to eat

I am sure there are many other things you can add to this list, try thinking of the things you’re grateful for, and set small goals to make changes in areas you would like to have/do something else.

❤️Delilah