I am worth this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
I am worth this
Hello,
a little about me . I just turned 49 on 8/23 my last drink was a sip of beer at 9am on 8/22 - there was a sip or two of flat beer on my night stand from the night before . Which by the way is my roommates beer that sits in the fridge for a week or two . very ashamed since I drink all her liqour and have no funds to replace it . The day after the shame, humilation and uncomfortableness is unbearable
I went to rehab last summer made 5 months sober picked up a drink in November and lost three jobs from then until now.
My Mother is paying my rent and I am distressed, bored, anxious and ready for a change. A real change.
I really wanted to find a couple of bucks at my parents house today and get a pint on a "walk" this morning. I have no car at the moment.
I need to change my thinking and my coping skills. I am also going through the change of life. gained weight- and lonely.
What I plan to do eat as healthy as I can my Mom brought me to get some grocery's . Exercise it is the only thing that lifts the depression.
Take care of myself. Join the September class on this thread
Whenever I drink I wake up so depressed, despondent no hope . My heart literally wants to explode from pain. It hurts physically, emotionally and soul sick
I need help . I have been going to AA for 13 years It is tough right now with no car
The one thing that is coming up is I was fortunate to find another job
it does not begin until mid september and I have to fly cross country and be in a hotel for 10 days. So of course my mentally addicted mind is telling me to quit "right before the trip" then it will be quit "right after the trip" then another rock bottom
I want this today. One day at a time. I just had a birthday I want this to be a new beginning. I ate a crazy ton of not healthy food this morning. But I am not going to drink today . It is so hard to make it one day especially with all this time on my hand. The only thing that is saving me is no funds.
I guess I am asking for support. I would like to check in every day and get through this feeling of being better off dead , regret no joy.
Today I am grateful for my parents, a new job to look forward to . hours our in the evening so I plan on going back to meetings during the day once my finances allow me to get proper transportation
I am really going to have to be honest with myself and use this website as a primary tool for support I think just reading some inspirational posts squashed the "walking for a pint" idea today.
Thank you for listening. I am so blessed to be alive its a true miracle
I use to be able to function that has progressed to not being able to
function while drinking.
I need to remember this and be happy I have another chance.
a little about me . I just turned 49 on 8/23 my last drink was a sip of beer at 9am on 8/22 - there was a sip or two of flat beer on my night stand from the night before . Which by the way is my roommates beer that sits in the fridge for a week or two . very ashamed since I drink all her liqour and have no funds to replace it . The day after the shame, humilation and uncomfortableness is unbearable
I went to rehab last summer made 5 months sober picked up a drink in November and lost three jobs from then until now.
My Mother is paying my rent and I am distressed, bored, anxious and ready for a change. A real change.
I really wanted to find a couple of bucks at my parents house today and get a pint on a "walk" this morning. I have no car at the moment.
I need to change my thinking and my coping skills. I am also going through the change of life. gained weight- and lonely.
What I plan to do eat as healthy as I can my Mom brought me to get some grocery's . Exercise it is the only thing that lifts the depression.
Take care of myself. Join the September class on this thread
Whenever I drink I wake up so depressed, despondent no hope . My heart literally wants to explode from pain. It hurts physically, emotionally and soul sick
I need help . I have been going to AA for 13 years It is tough right now with no car
The one thing that is coming up is I was fortunate to find another job
it does not begin until mid september and I have to fly cross country and be in a hotel for 10 days. So of course my mentally addicted mind is telling me to quit "right before the trip" then it will be quit "right after the trip" then another rock bottom
I want this today. One day at a time. I just had a birthday I want this to be a new beginning. I ate a crazy ton of not healthy food this morning. But I am not going to drink today . It is so hard to make it one day especially with all this time on my hand. The only thing that is saving me is no funds.
I guess I am asking for support. I would like to check in every day and get through this feeling of being better off dead , regret no joy.
Today I am grateful for my parents, a new job to look forward to . hours our in the evening so I plan on going back to meetings during the day once my finances allow me to get proper transportation
I am really going to have to be honest with myself and use this website as a primary tool for support I think just reading some inspirational posts squashed the "walking for a pint" idea today.
Thank you for listening. I am so blessed to be alive its a true miracle
I use to be able to function that has progressed to not being able to
function while drinking.
I need to remember this and be happy I have another chance.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
This is great. Be careful of idle time though. Need to find a positive way to fill your days until your job starts. Be especially careful in the evenings, for me that’s when the cravings get dangerous.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi Faith!
I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery. Keep reading and posting--it works if you work it!
Here's a great story to read about one of the Administrators here who is a long-time member, and also a daily posting thread.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html (Dee74's story - Part One)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html (Dee's Story Part 2)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7254603 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 454)
I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery. Keep reading and posting--it works if you work it!
Here's a great story to read about one of the Administrators here who is a long-time member, and also a daily posting thread.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html (Dee74's story - Part One)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html (Dee's Story Part 2)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7254603 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 454)
A better life awaits you. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Happy birthday Faith - I think it would make a great new beginning and yes you are absolutely worth it 
Reading here is great - posting is better still. Joining an ongoing thread is even better IMO.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...2019-a-17.html
D
Reading here is great - posting is better still. Joining an ongoing thread is even better IMO.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...2019-a-17.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Thank you for the support. I really appreciate it. The title I am worth it is totally because in my heart sometime I reel like giving up.
I can not live with the pain and regret. I have post traumatic stress from what I have been through and the after affects from drinking. I know you can relate.
I am going to give this my all second by second and hope to be close to this forum. Last time I had a serious episode a few weeks ago . I was in bed for five days straight . It hurt to lay there close my eyes. Jarring awake with the reality that I have lost everything. I hope I can do this keep this new job. Just live without this self inflicted sadness, grief and hopelessness I was in a dark place . I never could picture my self being at a comfortable level of peace again.
I will go to bed sober tonight. wake up and take a walk a real 3 mile heart pumping oxygen flowing walk. Then tackle some paperwork obligations I have to follow up with. Like all the ambulance bills/hospital bills at least open them
…. thank you again. I guess this is Day 2 again. This last year has been hell. I would love to celebrate a year sober on my 50th birthday. Heck I would love to look back and now forward on having a happy 49th year of my life .
It is so true when people recount the worst day sober is better than your best day drunk/ You may not realize it while your drunk... but the havoc/doom/guilt/regret and your morals quickly remind you the next day .
Thank you again. Congrats on everyone's sobriety. ONE day is a miracle for anyone with an addicted obsession to Alcohol
I can not live with the pain and regret. I have post traumatic stress from what I have been through and the after affects from drinking. I know you can relate.
I am going to give this my all second by second and hope to be close to this forum. Last time I had a serious episode a few weeks ago . I was in bed for five days straight . It hurt to lay there close my eyes. Jarring awake with the reality that I have lost everything. I hope I can do this keep this new job. Just live without this self inflicted sadness, grief and hopelessness I was in a dark place . I never could picture my self being at a comfortable level of peace again.
I will go to bed sober tonight. wake up and take a walk a real 3 mile heart pumping oxygen flowing walk. Then tackle some paperwork obligations I have to follow up with. Like all the ambulance bills/hospital bills at least open them
…. thank you again. I guess this is Day 2 again. This last year has been hell. I would love to celebrate a year sober on my 50th birthday. Heck I would love to look back and now forward on having a happy 49th year of my life .It is so true when people recount the worst day sober is better than your best day drunk/ You may not realize it while your drunk... but the havoc/doom/guilt/regret and your morals quickly remind you the next day .
Thank you again. Congrats on everyone's sobriety. ONE day is a miracle for anyone with an addicted obsession to Alcohol
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
I'm glad you are here and that you're ready to make this work. The walking/exercise sounds like a great plan. And, it's good you have a new job to look forward to, and of course, that will go much better if you are sober when you begin. Please do continue to read and post.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Couple of things you said....#1 you are grateful to be alive.
For sure you should be at 49 if you are still drinking...because I am 55 and I know if I didn't have an 8 year break from drinking from 2005-2013...I would not be alive today.
#2 you said was you were thinking of joining the "September" thread..and I realized it is still "August" so it seems you are still contemplating not stopping right now.....
You know from losing the other 3 jobs that if you go into this job during a bender...you are probably not going to do as good as you could do....its all about what you want to present at the new job.
I worry when someone has a "reservation" because I know any time I have had a reservation....that I have ended up drinking...
I get it you are in a BAD place....living with your parents at 49...with a drinking problem, no transportation...bored....I do get it....I am alone most of the day with my Dad that has dementia...and the thought of numbing out is very powerful at times..
There are many excuses and reasons why I SHOULD be drinking right now...but like you about 2 months ago I had an important appointment coming up and I wanted to be clear headed for it....I stopped drinking...and I stayed stopped and I have not been this "healthy" or "happy" in a long time.
For sure you should be at 49 if you are still drinking...because I am 55 and I know if I didn't have an 8 year break from drinking from 2005-2013...I would not be alive today.
#2 you said was you were thinking of joining the "September" thread..and I realized it is still "August" so it seems you are still contemplating not stopping right now.....
You know from losing the other 3 jobs that if you go into this job during a bender...you are probably not going to do as good as you could do....its all about what you want to present at the new job.
I worry when someone has a "reservation" because I know any time I have had a reservation....that I have ended up drinking...
I get it you are in a BAD place....living with your parents at 49...with a drinking problem, no transportation...bored....I do get it....I am alone most of the day with my Dad that has dementia...and the thought of numbing out is very powerful at times..
There are many excuses and reasons why I SHOULD be drinking right now...but like you about 2 months ago I had an important appointment coming up and I wanted to be clear headed for it....I stopped drinking...and I stayed stopped and I have not been this "healthy" or "happy" in a long time.
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