First post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 9
First post
Hi folks,
The automated email suggested I make a first post here. Seeing as I am desperate maybe I should take it more seriously than a suggestion.
I have been trying to say sober for about 2 years now. Longest dry time is 6 months, average dry time maybe a month when all said and done. Average drunk time 24-48hrs.
I have lost a lot for this pattern, but I am probably a lucky one by comparison. I still have my family and a roof over my head. My dignity is shot to pieces but there has to be hope.
I have tried AA before, a number of times. I really struggle with it. I have hired a private therapist who is great, and my most recent relapses were after decided to trial the Sinclair Method. I had about five borderline disasters in about a month. Needless to say I am stopping it, and facing sobriety once again.
But I need a network. The biggest fear right now is I just won’t be able to do it, that it will always get me again in the end. I can’t afford that.
Best wishes to everyone here,
Rick
The automated email suggested I make a first post here. Seeing as I am desperate maybe I should take it more seriously than a suggestion.
I have been trying to say sober for about 2 years now. Longest dry time is 6 months, average dry time maybe a month when all said and done. Average drunk time 24-48hrs.
I have lost a lot for this pattern, but I am probably a lucky one by comparison. I still have my family and a roof over my head. My dignity is shot to pieces but there has to be hope.
I have tried AA before, a number of times. I really struggle with it. I have hired a private therapist who is great, and my most recent relapses were after decided to trial the Sinclair Method. I had about five borderline disasters in about a month. Needless to say I am stopping it, and facing sobriety once again.
But I need a network. The biggest fear right now is I just won’t be able to do it, that it will always get me again in the end. I can’t afford that.
Best wishes to everyone here,
Rick
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, Rick - I'm so glad you made the decision to post. You've found a place of encouragement & positivity.
You can definitely do this. I drank 30 yrs. I attempted to be a social drinker long after I knew it was impossible. To stop all together was the only answer, yet I was so afraid to let go of it. Not sure why - it was bringing me only misery, embarrassment, & even danger. I'm so glad you've decided to take action. Posting & reading here helps with the anxiety you're feeling. We all understand & want to help.
You can definitely do this. I drank 30 yrs. I attempted to be a social drinker long after I knew it was impossible. To stop all together was the only answer, yet I was so afraid to let go of it. Not sure why - it was bringing me only misery, embarrassment, & even danger. I'm so glad you've decided to take action. Posting & reading here helps with the anxiety you're feeling. We all understand & want to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 9
It is the only answer, you are right. It is the desire to be a social drinker that always takes me back. You would have thought I could have learned in 2 years of disasters whenever I let it back in. Somehow it isnt that simple.
And deep, practiced acceptance is the only main psychological faculty I have yet to build to prevent me allowing the relapses to happen.
I hope here I can build an arsenal of tools and friends who have walked the path and left a trail ahead of me.
Thank you for replying so quickly, I am touched
And deep, practiced acceptance is the only main psychological faculty I have yet to build to prevent me allowing the relapses to happen.
I hope here I can build an arsenal of tools and friends who have walked the path and left a trail ahead of me.
Thank you for replying so quickly, I am touched
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome, , Rick .
I can relate. I tried to quit for ten years. Mostly never making it past the fourth day. Pretty frustrating, as you might imagine.
I once made it seven months. That was my longest in those ten years, but I was soon back at it.
I drank alcoholicly for thirty five years. I started very young.
I found AA very helpful and got involved with that. It really saved me, even though I still relapsed while attending meetings. Along with coming here, I found people like me. I wasn't alone. Others understood.
It's now been ten years since I've had a drink of alcohol. And I was a bad drunk.
That's a little bit about me. I hope you see that abstinence is possible.
I'm doing it as are others here, and, of course, in AA.
I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any length to get it.
You can do it, too.
I hope you stick around you'll find a lot of support here.
Best to you.
I can relate. I tried to quit for ten years. Mostly never making it past the fourth day. Pretty frustrating, as you might imagine.
I once made it seven months. That was my longest in those ten years, but I was soon back at it.
I drank alcoholicly for thirty five years. I started very young.
I found AA very helpful and got involved with that. It really saved me, even though I still relapsed while attending meetings. Along with coming here, I found people like me. I wasn't alone. Others understood.
It's now been ten years since I've had a drink of alcohol. And I was a bad drunk.
That's a little bit about me. I hope you see that abstinence is possible.
I'm doing it as are others here, and, of course, in AA.
I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any length to get it.
You can do it, too.
I hope you stick around you'll find a lot of support here.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Hi Rick and welcome to the site.
I knew I was an alcoholic in my early 20s when I was drinking every night after work. I didn't care at all. As long as I had a job and a roof over my head I didn't care if I was slowly killing myself.
As the years went by alcohol started to take a heavy toll on me. When I first started flirting with the idea of sobriety it was based on consequences. My wife might leave me. I might get fired. Maybe I'll get another DUI. I knew my drinking was unsustainable and getting worse but deep down I still wanted to drink.
The night I had my moment of clarity I was an empty and broken shell of a man. I had finished the last of my whiskey and because of my tolerance was barely buzzing. Sitting in that dark room a lot of thoughts went through my head. I thought about quitting "for real this time" but it wasn't due to fear of consequences. This time I told myself that I deserved better in life and I could be happy if I wanted to do the work. I finally wanted to get sober for myself and as everybody says it doesn't work unless you want it for yourself.
I haven't had a drink since that night 25 months ago and I'm happy for the first time in my life.
I knew I was an alcoholic in my early 20s when I was drinking every night after work. I didn't care at all. As long as I had a job and a roof over my head I didn't care if I was slowly killing myself.
As the years went by alcohol started to take a heavy toll on me. When I first started flirting with the idea of sobriety it was based on consequences. My wife might leave me. I might get fired. Maybe I'll get another DUI. I knew my drinking was unsustainable and getting worse but deep down I still wanted to drink.
The night I had my moment of clarity I was an empty and broken shell of a man. I had finished the last of my whiskey and because of my tolerance was barely buzzing. Sitting in that dark room a lot of thoughts went through my head. I thought about quitting "for real this time" but it wasn't due to fear of consequences. This time I told myself that I deserved better in life and I could be happy if I wanted to do the work. I finally wanted to get sober for myself and as everybody says it doesn't work unless you want it for yourself.
I haven't had a drink since that night 25 months ago and I'm happy for the first time in my life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Yeah, I wanted to be a social drinker too so I would be able to partake on those special occasions. It wasn't in the cards, however. I had to quit. The fear of giving up alcohol completely was probably my biggest hurdle. In retrospect, that fear was totally without merit. The idea that alcohol should have a place in my life, just a wee tiny bit, was such an overblown assumption that I shake my head with one of those "what was I thinking" moments of mind blowing clarity.
But I understand your fear. It seemed so real to me too, even if it's absurdly irrational and counter productive to a self directed and happy future. When you are ready to commit to quitting, you will be able to overcome your addiction. Until then, your chances of ever being in control are dismal.
I know this is not the solution you are looking for. You want to negotiate for a better one, but it turns out that abstinence is the better solution, and not just the lesser of two evils. It's full of pride, joy, and confidence. It's a great solution, but an alcoholic can't see that until he gets there.
But I understand your fear. It seemed so real to me too, even if it's absurdly irrational and counter productive to a self directed and happy future. When you are ready to commit to quitting, you will be able to overcome your addiction. Until then, your chances of ever being in control are dismal.
I know this is not the solution you are looking for. You want to negotiate for a better one, but it turns out that abstinence is the better solution, and not just the lesser of two evils. It's full of pride, joy, and confidence. It's a great solution, but an alcoholic can't see that until he gets there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Welcome. This place will truly get you sober if you let it. You just need to put in the work, stick around, post when you have the Temptation and just keep trying and trying. A better life awaits you. This place worked for me. It really did save my life. Welcome again.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the family. 
I hope you'll use the support and wisdom here to help you get sober for good. I've been sober over 9 yrs and it's still a great joy to wake up feeling good.
I hope you'll use the support and wisdom here to help you get sober for good. I've been sober over 9 yrs and it's still a great joy to wake up feeling good. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,975
Hi rick,
Welcome to SR. I was wondering how long you’ve been in therapy? The therapy and coming here to SR is what has helped me the most. I also read a lot of books on alcoholism and recovery stories. All of this made me realize that trying to moderate is futile. The times I was able to moderate eventually led me right back to heavy drinking with a progressive worsening of drinking and withdrawals when stopping. Ultimately, changing my mindset and accepting 100% sobriety is what has worked for me and probably most folks here. I’m almost 2-1/2 years sober. Life can still be hard, but it’s so much better staying sober through the challenges. I have developed more self confidence and much better self esteem.
Hope to see you around here some more.
Welcome to SR. I was wondering how long you’ve been in therapy? The therapy and coming here to SR is what has helped me the most. I also read a lot of books on alcoholism and recovery stories. All of this made me realize that trying to moderate is futile. The times I was able to moderate eventually led me right back to heavy drinking with a progressive worsening of drinking and withdrawals when stopping. Ultimately, changing my mindset and accepting 100% sobriety is what has worked for me and probably most folks here. I’m almost 2-1/2 years sober. Life can still be hard, but it’s so much better staying sober through the challenges. I have developed more self confidence and much better self esteem.
Hope to see you around here some more.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 9
I know this is not the solution you are looking for. You want to negotiate for a better one, but it turns out that abstinence is the better solution, and not just the lesser of two evils. It's full of pride, joy, and confidence.
So its clear to me that staying in 100% acceptance of it is the key. It is precisely that that has been my struggle the last two years. I get to about 3 months and basically forget, get excited, meet someone, or something.
I have read some of this recovery literature, and have started reading again. I’m going to fill my head with the good stuff, ask for help when I wobble and keep seeing the therapist, who I have been seeing for a couple of months now. He is excellent at helping me to find what I actually think and want, as opposed to what I think I should think and want. And, strange as it sounds, I was a practicing therapist for years myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by rick2019 
Theres a lot of almost subconscious relationships with alcohol that can romance you back into nostalgia or delusion.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 122
Try to stay out of your head. Don't worry about tomorrow or stew over the past. Focus on TODAY. Just do not drink TODAY, no matter what. I quit counting days of sobriety to be honest. I know I'm somewhere around 6 months. I don't think about never drinking again, I think about what I am doing right now and how I am going to a meeting after work. I have some hobbies that keep me busy and most evenings I read. I think I have crossed over into a psychic change where I don't want to drink. Drinking makes me lazy, gives me a headache and an upset stomach. God I feel so much better when I don't drink. So, I think about that, how good I feel. How my face isn't all puffy and my stomach all bloated from the alcohol.
The hardest part is getting off the merry go round. You just have to keep chipping away at the days. For me a 45 day inpatient got me started. I was a daily drinker for 25 years. It's a complete lifestyle change, how bad do you want it? Some people say to me, I can't take off work to do inpatient, or I can afford to do that. Can you afford NOT to?
I almost died, spent 4 days in ICU from a drinking bender and when I was finally in the clear I told the doctor I had to get back to work he looked at me and said......"you almost died. Who cares about your job?"
I relapsed a couple times too but I got right back at it. This journey to get 6 months sober has taken 2 years. I am enjoying life for the first time in a long time.
Just stay sober today.
The hardest part is getting off the merry go round. You just have to keep chipping away at the days. For me a 45 day inpatient got me started. I was a daily drinker for 25 years. It's a complete lifestyle change, how bad do you want it? Some people say to me, I can't take off work to do inpatient, or I can afford to do that. Can you afford NOT to?
I almost died, spent 4 days in ICU from a drinking bender and when I was finally in the clear I told the doctor I had to get back to work he looked at me and said......"you almost died. Who cares about your job?"
I relapsed a couple times too but I got right back at it. This journey to get 6 months sober has taken 2 years. I am enjoying life for the first time in a long time.
Just stay sober today.
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