I know this is not the solution you are looking for. You want to negotiate for a better one, but it turns out that abstinence is the better solution, and not just the lesser of two evils. It's full of pride, joy, and confidence.
Sometimes it isnt what I have been looking for, no. But sometimes it has been. I have enjoyed some pretty great months and periods of freedom. Like others here the problems came when I decided to negotiate with the devil. Theres a lot of almost subconscious relationships with alcohol that can romance you back into nostalgia or delusion.
So its clear to me that staying in 100% acceptance of it is the key. It is precisely that that has been my struggle the last two years. I get to about 3 months and basically forget, get excited, meet someone, or something.
I have read some of this recovery literature, and have started reading again. I’m going to fill my head with the good stuff, ask for help when I wobble and keep seeing the therapist, who I have been seeing for a couple of months now. He is excellent at helping me to find what I actually think and want, as opposed to what I think I should think and want. And, strange as it sounds, I was a practicing therapist for years myself.