sweetichick

I don’t know if I could have resisted those drinks at the disco. Well done to you for getting through it Snitch. I used to do the same..have a few in public then buy a couple of bottles on the way home. I know the uncomfortable feeling you talk about. I am experiencing it right now. It seems like our drinking was similar. Thanks for your post.

sweetichick

Just to clarify my psychologist is part of the outpatient program and specialises in addiction recovery.

bexxed

Happy Sunday, Sweeti. Are you going to the meeting today?

gypsytears

sweetichick

Made it to end of day 2. Didn’t make the meeting. Withdrawals were too bad. Going to bed soon. Talk more tomorrow..

2muchpain

Really. You will go to a meeting when you are really serious about quitting drinking. It has nothing to do with being too tired, withdrawals or not having the proper clothes to wear. I doubt that these issues would of kept you from going to a liquor store. I just don't think you are ready to quit yet. Hopefully that will happen before your situation gets worse. John

tomsteve

on the 21st you typed:
I will do all. I can. I know I have said this before.. but now my life has become totally unmanageable now

yet the only action and accountability for recovery that i have read is getting valium.
which on that ya typed:
When I have exceeded the doseand started running out drink again.

Dee74

I'll ask again that people remain civil and constructive.

Nagging and personally calling me out never got me sober - but other people sharing their experience and support did.

If you've shared all your experience or you're just plain frustrated in this thread - fair enough - move on to another thread. Lots of folks needing help here.

Dee
Administrator
SR

sweetichick

I found your message very insulting especially reading it late at night when I had insomnia.

Bethany57

I agree with you sweeti that is insulting. You are trying. I admire you so much for coming back every time you fail. You come back and keep trying, How many others just stop posting and go away because they fear comments like this? You can do this sweeti. Keep on posting.

Dee74

My directive to keep this thread civil and constructive cuts both ways sweetichick

If someone upsets you, you can report them if they break the rules, or PM them, keeping in mind the rules of conduct, or use the ignore function.

This thread is taking up a large part of my time., It shouldn't.
We are all adults here.

D

Newbeginning421

Have just been reading through the thread and I have been on the other side of the coin. I am only 16 days in but every 2-3 days I would tell my friends in real life this time I am for real I am quitting this time! While my friends really do care for me often they would come off rude and condescending but just did not know what to say anymore. Keep in mind this has been going on for a decade with me so can you blame them? We are all rooting for you here! This time around have 16 days and is the 3rd longest i have had since i was 16 and 32 now. What has made the difference for me is A) Actually wanting it vs needing it as I have been a train wreck for awhile but never really motivated me to get sober and B) Being very active in my recovery, whether it be on here or reading up on addiction. I think we have all lost way too many friends to addiction and don't want to see you go down same path

gypsytears

Zucc36

Glad you are still posting Sweeti. Although a lot is on your plate right now, those problems become so much easier when you are not drinking. I really hope you try a meeting soon. It took some time and a couple different ones before I found my homegroup, but now its such a huge part of my sobriety. Just remember we are not guaranteed to find sobriety, some people never make it. So please do everything you can to try to find it.

Bathbomb

This could be a long post so bare with me Sweeti. I had my last drink only last month and already I'm on day 50. Now I'm not saying this to gloat or brag but just last month I was feeling like hell. Time will not stand still for any of us and you'll be surprised how the days will add up. At the beginning I relied on all the will power I could muster and I read and educated myself on addiction. The first week or 2 are the hardest. You're doing the hardest part over and over again. It's such a shame cause the other side of withdrawal is pretty awesome. For me once the alcohol was well and truly out of my system only then could I deal with the emotional side of it. This is where a good therapist comes in. I had awful withdrawals for 11 days. For me I felt like I deserved it. After years of abusing myself with alcohol 11 days was nothing. Delaying it doesn't make it easier or quicker. Grab a cuppa, grab a chair and find a nice spot in the sun. Think about yourself and what you truly want. This is not about your daughter or your parents. As a fellow woman and mother I am strongly urging you to put yourself first. I know it's unheard of but I did. I had to. Now I am a better mother, daughter, wife, sister, employee the list goes on. I handle situations life throws at me better. It's nice to be able to look in the mirror and not despise what I see. Find your inner strength, it's there, we all have it we're just not used to using it. Be prepared for the cravings. I carry a bag of lollies with me at all times. Sometimes I just need a sugar hit. Not the healthiest I know but I'll worry about that later. Obviously everyone's situation is different so call on doctors, AA, therapists etc till you find the right fit but will power, inner strength whatever you want to call it will be needed for life and you already have it and it's free. It's hard, it's really hard but only at the beginning. I had to change my way of thinking. At the beginning I felt deprived and angry. Weird to feel angry because I couldn't have the 1 thing that was ruining my life. But that's the addiction talking. Girl power, will power, inner strength you've got it all Sweeti. Remember.....hard then less hard but oh so worth it. Now go and put the kettle on.

Dee74

OK looks like we have to go old school.
I've had to remove some posts.

Anyone who breaks this rule can expect to see posts removed etc.

Dee
Administrator
SR

Jules714

It *is exceptionally difficult to "watch" this woman slowly kill herself...but I try very hard to accept that some are sicker than others and I can totally relate to not being able to gain sober momentum. That cycle did not ever seem like it was to end.
People are ready when they are ready. Not a moment sooner and not because we want them to be. Sad but true.
Hopefully this turns around for her, Lord knows we all want it to, and have for some time.
If you are sober today, focus on when you were not able to breathe a sober breath. Makes that drink real unappealing. I'm never getting back in the ring with alcohol when I continue think of my last drunk.
Dont give up Sweetie!!
Jules

entropy1964

I never went to an AA meeting while detoxing. Well that's not true. Maybe a decade ago when 'detox' was feeling like crap, some shakes, some sweats...maybe puking. Just another day. Detox got deadly for me. I was too busy talking to Aslan (the lion from Lion , Witch and the wardrobe...could be worse I guess)...for whatever reason he was always there. My last detox was so intense that he was like, real. I mean, I knew he wasn't but man oh man. Sitting there, big tail swinging in the air at the end of my hospital bed. I had to be watched around the clock and I did ask the gal a couple of times 'you sure you don't see him?'. And there were a few times that a little girl was in my room and a man. In black and white, which was weird. I asked her about that too...just to be sure. So yeah, AA, not an option. I hope you never get to that point SC. Its, uh, unnerving. Not to mention, embarrassing. And what a horrible nightmare for my daughter. Jesus, how could I do that to her? So many times....boggles the mind. And the kind of unsettling part is how easily it could happen again. I'm always so aware of that. I've only been sober a couple years this time so I'm really just getting used to these new shoes so to speak. God I'm so vigilant. But I never want to go back there. I can't. I'll die. And kill her in the process. How incredibly selfish of me. Ugh. But that isn't who I am today....as I sit here in bed. There is a lion at the end of the bed in the form of my really ill tempered ole kitty. And he's real. Doggie lying where I guess a lot of people would have one of those husband things. Got toothpaste on my face in the hopes of fading some bruising I got from a procedure the other day. Ha! Oops. Hope it works. Kiddo's graduation is saturday so, uh pictures. I'll get a fan or something and hold it over my chin. Or I could just put a bag over my head. Something to laugh about in 20 years.

Well SC. No advice. No you gotta's. No you shoulds. No why don't you's. Just hope that someday you take this seriously. Before it takes you completely. Maybe it never will and you'll just drink until you're like 85. Sounds kinda awful too. And the damage it does to our looks. Yeah yeah, that's vain. But if the liver doesn't matter, maybe the face and figure will. I look so much better than when I was drinking.

Well, gonna watch True Blood. Love that show. Drinking sucks. Admit it. Take that into your heart. You stop all the time. You're good at that. Now decide to stay stopped. I hope you do. Hey, you might actually like feeling good. Beats feeling like crap all the time. I got so sick of hearing myself whine about everything, blaming everyone and everything....its what I knew. But once I realized how full of crap I was it was kinda shocking that I stayed in that place for so long. I find it easier now just to own my crap. All that bs was exhausting. Goodnight!

amy55

Hi Sweetichick,

I almost never come over to this section anymore, but I did start here. I'm a triple winner. My dad was an alcoholic, I'm an alcoholic, and I married an abusive alcoholic.

I remember the day that I first joined here, it was Aug 2011. My whole life was all messed up and I just bought a foreclosure after my divorce, and after moving into that place, I thought it should have been condemned. I bought that house In April 2011. It was now Aug 2011, winter was coming and that place was really inhabitable. I had carpenter bees drilling holes all over the outside of my house, then I had the woodpeckers chipping away at my house to get the carpenter bee larva, I had carpenter ants, I had torn up all my carpets and found out the prior owner had poured oil all over my rugs which soaked into my sub floor. I couldn't get a handy man to come over to help me.

I was call hand men, or contractors repeatedly, they would either not show, or they would show up then never call me back. It was going to be winter soon and I was freaking out, didn't know what to do. I was drinking everyday, all day.

The day I joined SR I was on my 5th beer of the day and it wasn't even noon. Joining SR was the best thing that I could do for me. I tried some of the suggestions like AA, but that didn't work for me, I'm not putting it down, it just wasn't he help that I needed. I needed to learn coping skills.

See, growing up, if things didn't work out, you turned to booze, you numbed yourself, but you never did anything to improve the problem. That's what I did for the entire 26 years that I was in an abusive relationship. I numbed myself, but I wasn't doing anything to better my life.

Long story short, I found coping skills, I found them here, I found out that the only person you can control is yourself. I had to look after myself. I had to take responsibility for myself and stop looking at myself as a victim. I had to acknowledge and make amends to my children for not being there for them emotionally while they were growing up. I had to be humble.

Well, anyway, that cabin foreclosure that I bought, well it was renovated, we both healed together, the cabin was abused and so was I. I then moved on. I am now living in a different house, a house that is closer to my adult children, the ones that wouldn't even speak to me for years.

Yes, it is hard to stop drinking, it's not impossible, it just means that you need to find out what you are missing in life, (like me, with coping skills), work on that. Life is really beautiful, when you don't need a crutch to fall back on. Drinking will never be that crutch for me again.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

bexxed

Stopping in to see how you’re doing Sweeti, and to say that Bathbomb is right, you’re doing the hardest part over and over again.