Guener

I understand how you feel, Press, it can be frustrating to find what we need to fill the degree of emptiness that is left after stopping drinking. Part of this feeling is still a grieving process, I think, when we are faced with the loss of a "reliable" means to turn to in giving us emotional respite. We don't like to be left with our thoughts on our own, or at least it's that way for me from time to time.

If you are feeling depressed or deal with depression like I do, there are things that don't necessarily elicit an emotional response to bring you up. I live surrounded by nature but am not attuned to it. I find walking brings me into my head during the time that I engage in it, whether I'm happy or sad for the moment. I have lost interest in music and in reading for the most part. I can no longer travel like I once did, so I am focused on the small community in which I live now. It's all very hard on me some days.

Still, I keep trying to do things to occupy my time in new ways. I am taking an online course that I find that I like and will take its companion lessons later in the summer months. I need to reach out to volunteer, to give of myself, which is something that I do enjoy. I can start to swim again, a form of exercise that used to bring me relief, it's worth a try. There is almost always something else to give an effort toward.

Sobriety allows me to feel what I feel, and it's up to me to do something about it for myself, as hard as that can be on some days. The past year has been all about not drinking and in getting my affairs in order to a point where I'm functional. I certainly could not grow into new things if I was still drinking.

Onward ...

D122y

Last week I hurt a muscle deep in my back. It was hard to sleep for a few days.

In my personal attempts to massage the area I irritated a nerve in my back that caused minor numbness and weakness in my right arm. I can still lift heavy weights, but my arm feels funny and my grip from certain angles was weakened.

Note to self...never use the side of a wooden chair to do a deep tissue massage again. I am so stupid.

As everything heals nicely, thank God, my AV jumps up and says....see you are falling apart anyway...why not just go back to being big fat drunk.

It was very convincing for about 1 minute. I suffered through that crazy thought. The temptation was magnafied because my shouldler was aching a little at the time.

Trust me when I say it is getting better and better.

Anyway....

I confidently drove home after a late night show, I thought about the progress I had made in the last 4 years.

When i quit drinking, 4 years ago, I was afraid to drive on the freeway for several months. I had agoraphobia. I didn't see a Dr. about it because I would have been given anti psycho meds. I wanted to try to clean up on my own.

I hung in there and got better and better. I used exercise and sr as my main therapy.

Now I am a non drinker with a clean bill of health. I normally sleep so deeply now. It is one of the best rewards of being a non drinker. The sleep is so pure.

These days....My world sits before me and I attack each day with all of my vigor. Yesterday I took a nice 1 hour nap. It was glorious. But, I also made an amazing breakfast for my family, watched my son play baseball, caught up on laundry, and practiced with some software on my cool computer.

There are some changes coming in my career field and I may,make a move for the last few years that could either cause early retirement or a significant pay bump.

Anyway...

I stay clean by any means necessary. I have been on this site for about 4 years and have never seen a single mention of someone that was glad they started drinking again.

Booze is poison. I don't believe the hype anymore.

Thanks.

brighterday1234

Happyvale

Is it just me...or were the rest of your far higher functioning drunks than I? I have sooooooo many things not attended to whilst my life was consumed by alcohol. I don't even want to tell anyone how disgusting I discovered my rugs were (well one in particular that traveled here from my bush cabin life) yesterday when I FINALLY rented the cleaner I've been meaning to forever. I'm up at 6:00 a.m. on a Sunday because I volunteered to help a friend at a restaurant for Mother's Day. I must be pink clouding hey.... cuz I just don't get how folks are bored. I've been a drunk lazy cuss way too long.

But hey.... not being a menace ...also awesome.

tomsteve

theres many different levels people have went down to here.
there was a time i had a cooler on one side of my recliner and a milk jug on the other. had my alcohol supply on one side of me and "bathroom" on the other.

Happyvale

Um....necessity is the mother of invention?
Good gracious.
Point taken TS

SIB

No it isn't enough, you have to find things to fill your newfound time with and it'll come, 43 days is pretty early but you should be looking in that direction now.

SoberCAH

Sobriety (I think you're using it as synonymous with not drinking) isn't enough.

But sobriety is certainly essential.

I would strongly recommend choosing and following a plan of recovery and not trying to do it on your own.

I certainly had to get help.

Hobbies and exercise are fun and relaxing, but they don't constitute a program of recovery.

Since sobriety is a life and death matter with me, I had to get help.

And it's worked now so far for a pretty good while.

abgator

D122, get a foam roller, ASAP.

August252015

How's it going Press?

FreeOwl

MLD51

At about that time in my sobriety I felt pretty much the same way. I honestly had no idea what I even liked to do besides drink. Of course there was plenty I could do, but I felt like a deer in the headlights - frozen somehow. I was doing all the "right things" to support my early sobriety (AA meetings several times a week, outpatient treatment, reading everything I could get my hands on,) and for a while, that was enough, but eventually I got to a place where I wondered "is this all there is?" I was impatient to feel really good - I mean hey! I quit drinking! Where are the miracles?? Figured out there are small miracles every day, I just had to look for them and be able to see them and appreciate them. I also started hiking a lot when I could (I got sober in the winter and where I live hiking isn't actually much of an option in the winter) and that really helped me a lot. Still does. If nothing else, it uses up some time. I also started really focusing on helping my son, who is now 17, get through those tricky early teen years. I had a brand new grandchild, too, and I focus on her. Eventually I settled into a nice routine of activities I enjoy, but it took some time to get there. 43 days is early. You will figure it out. Try to keep it simple for now. Try to be patient. Add a couple of small activities here and there.