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Old 04-28-2019, 05:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Just have 2 beers


does anyone else get annoyed when people try to push you towards just have one beer or two beers? It drives me absolutely insane . In some cases with strangers I can tell them Iím an alcoholic but with my in laws it is not an option according to my wife. I have to go to a BBQ in NE philly today and Iím dreading it and I think I am going to pretend to be sick.

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Old 04-28-2019, 05:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I quit drinking the first time in my early thirties. For the rest of their lives, my closest family continued to offer me alcohol. Even AFTER I told them I was an alcoholic.

#1. They don't get it. They don't understand if they haven't had that monkey on their back.

#2. They offer everyone a drink, it's "hospitality."

#3. They are wrapped up in their own heads, what I do is off their radar and/or they forget.

I just kept declining. That was really my only choice, right? I mean I could have made a big deal of it and stomped around, but to what end? They couldn't make me eat oysters or okra, either.
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:33 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Nah, doesn't bother me a bit. I just politely decline. I don't owe anyone an explanation. Nobody ever put a gun to my head and forced me to drink. I think you'll find that most people are wrapped up with themselves and in the long run, don't really care if you drink or not.
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Not sure why your wife would not support you in this. Is she embarrassed that you would tell people you are an alcoholic?
If that is the case maybe ask her what she suggests you tell people when you say no to a drink at these events?
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Nope.
People know I don't drink, or don't notice what I'm drinking, or I flip questions back to them or....I don't go anywhere I know this would be a problem like you describe.

My sobriety comes first.

Interestingly, at my 25th high school reunion last night, it not only was a complete non-issue but folks either knew and made a point of telling me how awesome it was I was in recovery (and I do work that is becoming increasingly public), or notably shared a story of their own.

If it's family or it's early for you, I'd have gone separately and peaced out immediately if there's a problem. Nothing is worth my physical or emotional sobriety.
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Old 04-28-2019, 06:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I haven't experienced this much either. I think society is starting to understand alcoholism better than it once did. Not that we will get to the point where such lack of understanding will disappear completely, however.
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Sometimes I think the only ones who really get pushy on why you don't drink are the ones with a drinking problem themselves.
Just sayin'
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Sometimes I think the only ones who really get pushy on why you don't drink are the ones with a drinking problem themselves.
Just sayin'
This.

Lots of good in this thread.

People who know me don't even offer - people who do offer, I just politely decline:

"No thank you, but do you have diet soda?"

"I'm good, thanks!"

I've never had someone be rude or pushy, to my face, though. For cookout type stuff or informal gatherings I will often bring my own beverages: big travel cup of coffee, diet soda, etc.

I am curious as to why telling your in-laws is "not an option"? Being in recovery/abstinence if you have had a problem isn't something to be ashamed of, in my opinion. If you have made a conscious decision to not drink in order to improve your own life, and that of your spouse, why hide that fact?
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks

thanks for all the replies . I am going to just reply no thanks and see how this goes
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Chance219 View Post
This.

Lots of good in this thread.

People who know me don't even offer - people who do offer, I just politely decline:

"No thank you, but do you have diet soda?"

"I'm good, thanks!"

I've never had someone be rude or pushy, to my face, though. For cookout type stuff or informal gatherings I will often bring my own beverages: big travel cup of coffee, diet soda, etc.

I am curious as to why telling your in-laws is "not an option"? Being in recovery/abstinence if you have had a problem isn't something to be ashamed of, in my opinion. If you have made a conscious decision to not drink in order to improve your own life, and that of your spouse, why hide that fact?
I donít tell them Iím in recovery , wife doesnít want me to tell her family that
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Old 04-28-2019, 10:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I start with
"no thanks"
oh come on just one
"no thanks, I don't want to"
why not, just one
"I have no reason to drink"
it tastes good
"so does club soda"
it's fun
"I don't need to"
It usually doesn't get this far. No thanks usually works. If it doesn't I am patient and can continue with as many refusals as it takes because I know that alcohol is patient and will continue once started. Evetually the pushers get bored with my patience. Once they see it doesn't get a rise out of me, they move on to find a new victim.
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Old 04-28-2019, 11:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Sure it can bug me, but so can people driving slow in the left lane, people who don't hold doors open for others and Jet fans - I can't do anything about them, what I can do is work on my reactions to the stimuli, there's the control in life we want and need.

I think our reaction to others drinking, trying to have us drink, etc changes over time. In the end, it's no big deal what they say or want you to do - it's your life, your sobriety. No thanks, always works just fine.
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Old 04-28-2019, 11:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I recommend if this is a problem stating that its a medical issue and you cannot drink.
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Old 04-28-2019, 12:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I do totally understand what you are saying. And I can't really add to all the good advice you've received. The basic theme is : Its on me. If I make it a big deal, it is a big deal. If I don't, it isn't. Whatever other people feel, say or do is up to them. But I understand that level of detachment takes time to acquire. And its family, so that can add another level of complexity...if I let it. So there's that ownership thing again.

But the wife. Might want to look at that more closely when you can be objective. This is her family. She doesn't want you to admit you are an alcoholic in recovery. Frankly I think that's the heart of the issue. How does that make you feel?
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Old 04-28-2019, 01:46 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I also get slightly annoyed at times, but fending off questions is a small price to pay for the benefits of sobriety.

"I don't like alcohol." "I don't like the way it makes me feel."

Even when I drank, and heavily, I have for years fought off stoners that think I should try and smoke weed. I LOATHE weed, it makes me feel like I'm going to die. Smoked it as a teenager and it turned on my in my early 20s. "No, I don't want this strain. Yes, I've smoked indica and sattiva, same reaction...want to die. I don't care that CBD oil isn't psychoactive, it smells like crap. It's not better if I eat it, no thanks." I have one friend that I finally blew up at when he asked me for the millionth time if I'd like to try this certain strain that was "really mellow and wouldn't make me paranoid." I mean, not only do I hate weed, I'm sober!
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Old 04-28-2019, 04:32 PM   #16 (permalink)
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The main problem for me would be if I began to think I could just have a couple. The last time I tried that, what should have taken a couple of hours turned into a four day spree, with all attendant misery. Nobody talked me into that, it was just the obsession that this time would somehow be different. It wasn't.

I ahve not had much trouble with people wanting me to drink, maybe one event every five years - something like that. In the early days it may have been because I extracted myself from the great unwashed and began mixing with different people, those in AA with a solution to life, and as I changed in the process, I found myself mixing with a different type of person out in the mainstream of life.

There was a saying I heard once along the lines that how a person turns out will to a large extent depend upon the books they read and the people they associate with. I think here is more than a little truth in that.
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Old 04-28-2019, 04:39 PM   #17 (permalink)
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It doesn't annoy me anymore. Most people have no idea of what alcoholism means.

I find the best response is the shortest one possible: no thanks for politeness, or a simple no.

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Old 04-28-2019, 05:07 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Thank you!

Thank you for all the responses. People kept handing me a beer and I just moved it over to my wife lol. Thanks for all the support
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I quit drinking the first time in my early thirties. For the rest of their lives, my closest family continued to offer me alcohol. Even AFTER I told them I was an alcoholic.

#1. They don't get it. They don't understand if they haven't had that monkey on their back.

#2. They offer everyone a drink, it's "hospitality."

#3. They are wrapped up in their own heads, what I do is off their radar and/or they forget.

I just kept declining. That was really my only choice, right? I mean I could have made a big deal of it and stomped around, but to what end? They couldn't make me eat oysters or okra, either.
There is a 4, some of them are active alcoholics looking to justify their alcoholism.
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:36 PM   #20 (permalink)
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just be polite and you can add that you're good and no offense. Remain firm, stick to your guns.
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