Polaroid

Very, very scary. I never get any forewarning, I just start shaking uncontrollably and black out a couple seconds later, and do stuff I wouldn't normally (nothing violent, but kind of like sleepwalking, I guess, walking to places I'm not supposed to go).

When I get out of them, my anxiety peaks. I panic. I have no idea what has happened, or where I am. After a little while though, I remember the few seconds before I passed out. My muscles contracting, limbs wailing around, not being able to do anything about it, and thinking "f--, here's another one"...

I had an MRI scan, and was sent to a neuropsychologist to check if I had epilepsy, but no, it's a result of heavy alcohol abuse.

That's why I keep taking those darn pills, as they are anticonvulsants.

And yes, I will be honest about the meds. If they don't believe me, I'll be showing them a photo of the pills on top of the same laptop I'll bring with me.

SoberDad, Sorry if I've "borrowed" your thread. I tend to write alot, and don't feel like making a new thread for every thought in my racing head.

Broncosys

Let us know how night #2 went SoberDad. I hope the nausea is better. Feelings of hangover and nausea might creep in for a few weeks. It is just an addict's version of muscle memory. As soon as you can be a bit mobile, get moving some. Slow and easy stroll.

SoberDad86

Hey Bronco,

Doing a markedly better, slept like a rock for 8 hours last night and am gonna try to do a little bit of office email work from home today before returning tomorrow. I so so much appreciate all the feedback from you guys. This website is a Godsend.

Hawkeye13

Great job SD--now that you're sleeping, the real healing can begin.

What's the plan going forward?
Don't say "just don't drink" because you need a real plan with action steps for moments of weakness or stress.

You can do this!

MindfulMan

Glad you are doing so well SoberDad!!! Sounds like you're through the worst of it. You mentioned "I might not need all of the pills." I'd suggest following the taper schedule exactly. Don't try to be a hero, even if you think you don't need it.

Polaroid, my heart goes out to you. I did withdrawal on my own from klonopin and booze, and it was hell. Don't remember what the dosage was, but the pharmacy screwed up and I ended up getting double the amount I was supposed to, and at the end was eating them like candy.

I'm not sure how long they plan to taper, but this could take a long time, and needs to happen slowly. My doc put me on ativan and did a 3 day taper schedule. 8 hours later I was in absolute hell...not NEARLY long enough.

You can do this though, and thank GOD you're doing it in a supervised situation.

PLEASE keep us posted.

Coldfusion

Congratulations on your continued sobriety!

SoberDad, if you were like me, not much could get in the way of my drinking. It is important to put as much effort into recovery as addiction. Specifically, I recommend making that 30-mile drive to attend at least one AA meeting just so you know what help is available. It works if you work it!

lessgravity

Congrats.

Yes SR truly is an unreal resource. I am sober almost a year now, permanently, without AA or anything other than SR. Not to discount any other methods or support, but SR really can get you straight.

Keep it moving man.

SoberDad86

Oh, absolutely, I'm not gonna risk not following the prescribed taper, I'm not sure how I would have made it last night, i even said to my wife it's a medical miracle that such a small pill can stop the OVERWHELEMING, Soul crushing anxiety and discomfort of coming off the drink.

MindfulMan

I was warned that stopping cold turkey would almost certainly result in seizures, and probably a lot worse, even death. I was drinking 6 bottles of wine a day, around the clock, and taking Lunesta at the max dosage every night. They started with a pretty high amount of valium, and tapered over 12 days (I think, it may have been 10. Memory is fuzzy). I felt extremely tired and spacey, some shakes, a bit of sweating, but NOTHING like when I'd self-detoxed.

You're almost through the detox bud. Then the much harder work of sobriety starts.

MindfulMan

I was warned that stopping cold turkey would almost certainly result in seizures, and probably a lot worse, even death. I was drinking 6 bottles of wine a day, around the clock, and taking Lunesta at the max dosage every night. They started with a pretty high amount of valium, and tapered over 12 days (I think, it may have been 10. Memory is fuzzy). I felt extremely tired and spacey, some shakes, a bit of sweating, but NOTHING like when I'd self-detoxed.

You're almost through the detox bud. Then the much harder work of sobriety starts. If you can't make AA meetings, is it possible to do some sort of outpatient rehab? Mine was life-changing, and not just for sobriety.

Polaroid

Absolutely. The last time I was at rehab (about a year ago), I was on 30mg Diazepam. They tapered me off in 5 weeks. What the ...?

That is WAY too fast, and I felt completely destroyed when I left. In my journal, I read, it is 'standard practice'.

Really? Can't you treat us like individuals, and not just follow a damn book - is it too tough for someone who makes $90K+ a year?

The taper needs to be significantly slower. Like a year or longer.

The Ashton Manual's schedules would be my reference for a slow taper, but none of the medical staff has heard of it.

The only relief (when I left rehab) was that I knew that there was something waiting for me when I got home, and that was the start of illegally buying benzos. In turn, it has just escalated - like you said, now I'm just eating them like candy.

thomas11

Glad you are pulling through this. Its the hardest part. Getting good sleep is a great sign things are going well.

listae

Awesome SoberDad! Your sleep will only improve and give you a better feeling than any drink could!

SoberDad86

Tonight will be my second run at a night of sober sleep, just gonna watch some dumb late night tv and try to ease into it. I'm hoping that day 3 tomorrow brings more progress. I'm eyeing Thursday or Friday night for a drive into the city to try out a meeting if I'm feeling okay.

yinzer

Good job, SoberDad! How’s it going today?

Broncosys

Don't give a second worry to sleep issues SoberDad. A tired but clear head and body feel infinitely better than a toxic state after an 11-hour booze coma. You have the hard part behind you now. Just be mindful and make a written plan for your sobriety. Particularly your window of craving. That will shrink over time but it will be big at first. Mine was about 3 p.m. until 7:30 p.m. or so. For the first few months of sobriety, I scripted every moment during those hours. Even though I could do it in my head, writing it down made it far more real. Start a running list of reasons to stay sober too. Mine is really long. Probably 70-80 reasons. Sleep. Pulse. Skin. Relationships. Money. Weight. Diabetes. High blood pressure. Eye clarity. Thought clarity. Better food decisions. Better money decisions. Better all decisions. Calm. Exercise. Dread of night. Dread of morning. Dread of death. Sweating. Organ pain. Work. So many more hours in the day.

Make your list SoberDad.

SoberDad86

This is very insightful Bronco, I have a short list in my mind but I think putting it on paper would make it even more real. Thank you for your friendly input the last couple days, I value it greatly.

Broncosys

How's it going this morning SoberDad? I hope well. Some funky thoughts, feelings, etc. will be part of your next several days. Nothing to fret over. You'll have dreams that the hounds of hell are after you, or some other dramatic thing. I think it is just your mind's last childish efforts to create made-up drama and thus present a reason to drink. You were perhaps going back to work yesterday or today. I hope all is well SoberDad.