Kaneda8888

Alcohol revealed the emptiness inside me. Almost the opposite of what I am in sobriety.

lessgravity

I love this. Yes. Alcohol revealed that emptiness and then, like water corroding the sides of a mountain, alcohol kept widening and widening that hole in my self. Life is finding ways to fill it, finally.

August252015

That!

And, I was all kinds of things when I was drinking. Happy, sad, fun, mean, charming, frightening....on and on.

I'm lots of things when I'm sober - good and bad, but most of all CLEAR. I can better handle the bad (AA- character defects) and embrace the good, and I get to choose how I act and react, and take responsibility for it all.

That's the best true me.

EndGameNYC

I think that you need a clear mind which, in turn, needs a brain functioning at optimum capacity that is not soaked in booze in order to discover who we truly are. Alcohol kills brain cells and messes with your internal organs in a very bad way. Permanent damage is common.

It's very difficult to nurture our true self when our minds and bodies are under assault from the person who makes decisions for that mind and body. As an example, in my experience, new learning of any significance was pretty much impossible to acquire and then put to use. Not for the long-term, which means to me that there was very little personal growth going on. I only maintained, supported, and nurtured old, destructive habits that made everything much worse. I also took on new ways of sabotaging myself whenever the moment called for it. I'm flexible that way.

Otherwise, I think the only thing that we are when we're drunk is one day closer to death.

Flower2327

Nope, though I think it sometimes seemed that way because being drunk was the wrong answer to some real problems. Like many people, I felt looser, "happier," more "normal" when drunk (at least at first), where I usually felt awkward and not particularly socially adept. So was that looser me the "true" me, unleashed? No, it was the drunk me. I've dealt a lot with my anxiety and panic disorder in the last year or so - SOBER - and THAT has helped me be more my true self than booze ever did.

Meddles

NicLin

This is a great thread, lots of wise insight.

I am very new to this realization and acceptance that I cannot drink alcohol, it has been a scary and empowering one for me.

My marriage ended partly because of alcohol, and it took me a very long time to accept that. My ex and I actually spoke today about it's influence in our relationship and I told him, "I'm sorry that you never got to know the real me in our relationship." I was always drinking, sometimes getting carried away and forgetting about him, not caring that he was at home worried and not hearing from me. I tossed him, his feelings and my responsibilities to side for ALCOHOL. For a moment that I would never remember, and never get back. It all seems so insane to me now.

I lost myself for many years in drinks, and I would act out, discard people and feelings, my own even. Then I stopped going out so much, and just hid away at home and would drink sadly. I suffer from depression so it was cyclical, the depression would come and the drinks, then depression and so on. I felt like I couldn't trust myself anymore, I lost me.

I made it 5 days this last time and I started to see things, appreciate even the most tiny things, like a flower. The world seemed brighter and there was so much beauty and good to be grateful. I feel more spiritually connected to my true self when I am not drinking. I feel HONEST and TRUE to who I am. And I feel happy and filled with love. That is me.

Michelle644

I use to blackout and say all kinds of nasty stuff to my Husband (poor guy) When I would wake up in the morning I would tip toe around and not say anything waiting on my Husbands reaction, Since I didn't remember if I said anything mean to him the night before. He use to say...."Do you remember what you said to me last night?" The minute I would pour a glass of wine...my Husband would go to bed or go and work on something in the garage. To answer your question...I don't know if the things that were being said were my real thoughts or not...it's almost like two different people. All I can say is I don't ever want to see the drunk me EVER again.

Michelle644

[QUOTE=MagnumCat;7146659]It's interesting that a couple of you have mentioned "no soul" or "soul less" eyes. My husband told me that's how I look as well. Kind of like a zombie. Just not there, but full of rage.

Some would say that alcohol is the Devil and when we drink it takes over. My Husband also said, that facial expressions and eyes were different, angry.