Numblady

So glad to hear you are renewing the commitment and formulating a plan. I just want to join the chorus of people saying I became the real me (which is something I’m still learning and attempting to improve on) after I stopped drinking. Yesterday I sang Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” on the karaoke machine by myself. It was so completely absurd. Stone cold sober at like 4 pm no less. I don’t think I had real silliness like that when drinking. Silliness yes. Real, not so much. I hope you are able to stay and find whatever silliness, seriousness, intensity, etc. works for you to be the authentic you. Rooting for you!

NessunDorma

Hi MC

I was a completely different person when drunk - self pitying and paranoid. That person has never resurfaced in my two decades of sobriety, through good and bad times. Sure I have faults but they are not those (my signature fault would be more an a neurotic/obsessive streak which I have channeled into the relative harmless pursuit of marathon times ).

I don’t think drink revealed my true self at all. And our marriage was on the rocks, not because drinking revealed I dont love my wife but because my behaviour to her was intolerable. After some time rebuilding trust our marriage for many years has been happy and strong.

Good luck with it. If like me you are a problem drinker everything - your relationship, your life, yourself - will be better without alocohol. I guess better could mean seeing difficult things more clearly but of course without knowing your circumstances that would be a risk worth taking given the way things are now.

kinzoku

No. Some kind of cartoon version.

bexxed

Alcohol divorced me from my true self.

That being said, I and only I am responsible for anything I said or did while I was drinking and while I was under the influence.

My “true self” is not a person who isolates, broods, wallows in anger, lies, desperately seeks attention, speaks and acts aggressively, acts promiscuously, puts myself and/or loved ones in danger, etc. I did all of those things but it’s not the “real me”. It’s the sick me. The hurting me.

Look around here. This site is filled with evidence that people who are in the throes of alcoholism are desperately seeking to recover their true selves. I hope you choose to, as well. Getting sober is a freedom that compares to none other that I’ve known.

-b

Epictetus

It affects peoples' judgement for what they perceive as socially acceptable comments or behaviors. It's not the "real" person, the faculties have been impaired. Hell on earth for any introverts. Mortification the next day.

However, if you have unresolved issues, for example inner child issues/dysfunctional family or other unhealed traumas; alcohol has the potential to open the gates of hell and unleash the demons...

DreamCatcher17

When I would drink I was kind of the same. I would tell my then BF that I didn't like him, I was super mean to him, I'd hit him, verbally abuse him, etc...
I think that was somewhat true- let me explain.
We had a rocky relationship and I never forgave him for some things and he never forgave me some things. - I think underneath there was a lot of hurts there, unresolved issues and when I would drink it would ALL come out.

Sober me- I was not mean to him, or anyone.

That was my relationship...

BUT
I do not think the person I was while I was drinking was truly who I am/was.

SOBER:
I am a good person who has reasoning skills. I am not in a blackout state of mind and am always aware of what I am doing. - That was not the case when I would drink as I was a blackout drinker.

I also had the "no soul" drunk eyes when I would black out. Totally checked out.

I am so glad I never have to be that way again, I have the choice to drink or not to drink. When I choose not to drink, my life is better and more fulfilling

Blessings,
DC

WaterOx

"En Vino Veritas" "In wine there is truth". I think the person who popularized that quote loved Latin and the person who made that quote loved wine. End of story.

Ingesting poison is not a requirement to a "true self".

MagnumCat

It's interesting that a couple of you have mentioned "no soul" or "soul less" eyes. My husband told me that's how I look as well. Kind of like a zombie. Just not there, but full of rage. He actually thought that I was capable of killing him this weekend. I don't think I'm capable of hurting anyone intentionally. When I'm sober, I'm kind, quiet, smiling, loyal and I just can't believe that a person can change that much by adding alcohol. I have to remember all this the next time I think of drinking again.

So here I go again ... Day one! I pray this is the last time.

Snowydelrico

For me as soon as that first drink was taken I felt myself slipping away as the beast within took over leaving a little speck of me kicking and screaming as I was dragged to my cage.

I will never do that to myself again.

Hope you can find the strength to love you for who you are.
You don’t need anything artificial, real is what you need.

It’s still there, go get it😀

MLD51

Gosh, I hope not. I don't like that person at all.

Seriously, I think it's true that people will say and do things they never would sober, and that can include saying things you are thinking but don't want to say out loud to someone's face. I know I did that, and have had it done to me, many times. So many apologies given and received. And some of it really wasn't even what I was thinking, I have no idea where it came from. So many things I did that I cringe looking back on - that was not who I wanted/want to be, at all.

So no - I don't think it was the real me coming out when I drank. I was accused of that once when I had done something that really hurt someone I care very much about. I cried for a couple of days over that and it really got me questioning if I really was a bad person, or just someone temporarily broken and hurt deep down in my soul. I decided finally it was the latter. And now that I don't drink anymore, I no longer behave like someone I don't recognize and wouldn't want to be friends with.

DreamCatcher17

I was afraid that I would seriously injure someone or myself. Killing someone (terrible, but I am being honest) scared me. I always wanted hunting guns and my conceal and carry, however, I never went to get that because I was scared I would do something I would never forgive myself for. I thought that because when I was drinking and in a blackout, I was so unpredictable with my behavior, it got scary towards the end. - Maybe that is what I had to tell myself and BELIEVE to really stop drinking...

Now that I am sober and I trust myself, I am getting those things I wanted for my own protection. Things a drunk person should never own.

Pathwaytofree

My personal opinion and experience is that this is a myth. I am much more closer to my true authentic self now that I'm sober and worked hard in both recovery and in therapy.

When I was drunk, I didn't have a filter. I didn't think before I spoke. I used to also bring up the past, too. I do think that was just the alcohol talking. Alcohol is a depressant, so I'd talk about things that in the past I was angry about, sad about, etc. Alcohol magnified my feelings.

OpenTuning

I also used to say and do things that made no sense to me. That I didn't believe or want to do. And I also wondered if that was the "real me" revealing itself.

After a few years of studying how the mind works, I now believe that no, "in vino veritas" is not true. Alcohol does not reveal our true selves. But it can reveal another part of ourselves. And the trick to seeing what that is, is to move away from looking at the content of what you said or did, and instead look at how it left you feeling.

In my case, I would feel overwhelming, crippling, guilt and shame. And that, I now realise, has been a theme throughout my life. Believing at the deepest level that there's something profoundly wrong with me. That I'm unloveable. And at regular intervals I was proving to myself I was right to believe that. Only a genuinely horrible person would say or do these things. So I must be horrible.

That's where counselling helped me. I've explored why a loving, kind little boy came to believe he was worthless. A lot of unfair things happened, which I wrongly blamed myself for, and those beliefs stuck with me and would come out when drunk. The irony is I was drinking because I felt that was a way to be sociable and accepted, and it was the very thing that would result in my rejection. Again. And again.

Now I know I'm not worthless. I am a good person. Sure, I make mistakes, but that's because I'm human, and I can forgive myself. I now know I don't need to drink to be accepted, or get drunk to punish myself. I'm now free to live my life in a way that is authentic to who I am. I'll be 4 years sober in May, and I've never felt better, or happier, in my life.

AAPJ

First - thanks to everyone who posted so far. This is a great thread/topic and a lot of good thoughts here. You guys are collectively amazing. I'm not really adding anything new here but I offer this for your consideration.

For me alcohol did not reveal the "true" me but it did reveal an incomplete part of me that I would not expose to others when I was sober. It was a manifestation of my insecurities and shortcomings that came out and I was not very pleasant to be around.

Nothing in life is perfect. Spouse - not perfect, Job - not perfect, Family - not perfect, and most importantly Me - not perfect.

Eliminating the alcohol is just the first step to learning how to live a better life. That's why I work on accepting the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.

DriGuy

I hope alcohol wasn't bringing out my true self. On alcohol, I did stupid things and embarrassed myself. It was who I was only in the sense that it was me when my mind and judgement were in a short circuit. I know I'm a much smarter person than that, probably not quite as smart as I think, but smarter than that by leaps and bounds.

Evoo

Short answer, no.

I used to say “a drunken mind speaks a sober heart.” I believed that alcohol brought me closer to who I really was, my truest/deepest feelings and connections.

I’ve realized that is ********.

Alcohol didn’t bring me closer to anything. In fact, it robs you of clearmindedness and perspective. In chronic/daily drinkers it makes even sobriety an ugly, painful affair — so that you need to drink to meet basic functions or to find any sense of calm or connection.

A blackout state is one where you are operating through a severely poisoned lens, it’s no wonder that you are only capable of venomous thinking.

Put no real stock into what that poisoned version of you does or says. Start finding the real, sober you and hold onto it.

Fly N Buy

Sobriety allows one to discern the true from the false, whatever that may be. This "new pair of glasses" is a blessing and a curse, in my experience - and can be painful. Especially the inevitable self examination.

Not polluting oneself with alcohol daily is a spiritual journey, most agree with here. Getting drunk all the time also involves spirits. Just a different kind.

I doubt many on their death beds mutter........wish I had been drunk more!

SoberCAH

The person I was when I was drinking is not who I am today.

That person had very little good in him.

After working the AA program for a long time and asking God for help on a daily person, the person I am today has considerable good in him, I think.

I'm imminently capable of making mistakes and letting my tongue get ahead of my judgment, thereby necessitating my needing to make an amend.

The good person I had the potential to be had no chance at all when I was drinking.

But I have daily opportunities to work on developing the human being that lived in me and became corrupted through addictions and bad character.

It's a daily, lifelong project.

CupofJoe

I guess I have a very pragmatic view.

When I drink, I am a very miserable person and I make life miserable for people around me. That's the "real me when drunk."

When I'm sober, I'm a calm, cheerful person who likes to laugh and have fun. I try to make life better for people around me. That's the "real me when sober."

Which is the REAL real me? I don't think it matters. My thoughts come and go and when I'm sober, I choose the kind, careful ones. I pursue kind words, kind thoughts, kind deeds. (Well, I try. I'm not perfect, but I do try.)

Yes, I have the capacity to be a very different person, and that person comes out when I drink. We're all complicated human beings.

But I could no more deny that miserable side of me than I could the kind one.

That saying "When someone shows you who they are, believe them," applies to who I am when drunk. I have shown myself who I am "when drunk" and I believe it. I will never be that person again.

I hope I'm not sounding confusing. For me, I need to accept that when I drink, I simply don't like who I am. I like who I am now. I choose to nurture the better side of me.

But no, I don't believe any of us are doomed to be who we are when we drink. The stories of recovery show us that the vast majority of us are decent human beings when we're not pouring poison down our throats. And we can always thrive and get better, even if we struggle with demons.

I don't wallow in who I was when I drank. I try to lead a better life now and that's all I can do.

least

I was the worst version of myself when I was drinking. Selfish, careless, deceitful. Hated myself. That was not my true self.

I like myself a whole lot better sober.