Feeling hopeless
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi Babescake, I just want you to know how much I share your pain and understand it. I am going through the same thing right now. In fact, today, I just saw my sons for the first time in two weeks.
I have been an alcoholic for years but no one, including my ex nor his family, ever said anything about it. I then, about 3 years ago, decided on my own I wanted out of this and went to rehab. Since rehab I have had several, albeit short-lived, relapses. Since admitting out loud to my ex that I wanted help for what I labeled a problem I have been under the microscope. It has really taken a very nasty turn within the past year.
There are some other details such as him trying to pay me to leave after our child was born (saying his dream was to be a single father) but I won't go to far into that. My only point in even mentioning that is that I am convinced he wants me out for good and will do whatever it takes to get that. This requires absolute perfection from me in everything (not just drinking). We are in the middle of mediation now, which has proven to be hell on earth. I am being threatened with social services and things like that.
I won't go into what a good, loving mother I am (when sober) and how I have been honest and open with my children regarding their needs on the few occasions they have seen me drinking (since rehab). None of that matters. I am now in the fight of my life to keep my rights to my children, having to do things like investigare international custody lawyers and fight battles I couldn't have dreamed of. I may have had to do this had I not had an alcohol problem, but the alcohol problem only makes it extremely worse for me.
I support you, I hear you I understand you and I send love to you. On your end you have got to get a hold of the alcohol issue and stop the relapses, it is your only chance.
Wishing you all the best as you face this. I know how draining, terrifying and soul-crushing it is. It makes it hard to do anything else, but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
I have been an alcoholic for years but no one, including my ex nor his family, ever said anything about it. I then, about 3 years ago, decided on my own I wanted out of this and went to rehab. Since rehab I have had several, albeit short-lived, relapses. Since admitting out loud to my ex that I wanted help for what I labeled a problem I have been under the microscope. It has really taken a very nasty turn within the past year.
There are some other details such as him trying to pay me to leave after our child was born (saying his dream was to be a single father) but I won't go to far into that. My only point in even mentioning that is that I am convinced he wants me out for good and will do whatever it takes to get that. This requires absolute perfection from me in everything (not just drinking). We are in the middle of mediation now, which has proven to be hell on earth. I am being threatened with social services and things like that.
I won't go into what a good, loving mother I am (when sober) and how I have been honest and open with my children regarding their needs on the few occasions they have seen me drinking (since rehab). None of that matters. I am now in the fight of my life to keep my rights to my children, having to do things like investigare international custody lawyers and fight battles I couldn't have dreamed of. I may have had to do this had I not had an alcohol problem, but the alcohol problem only makes it extremely worse for me.
I support you, I hear you I understand you and I send love to you. On your end you have got to get a hold of the alcohol issue and stop the relapses, it is your only chance.
Wishing you all the best as you face this. I know how draining, terrifying and soul-crushing it is. It makes it hard to do anything else, but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
My lawyer responded (like the next day) and told me NOT to give up on my son. He needs me. And he does. And I need him. Alcohol is our barrier and as mama bear I need to kill it.
I do appreciate everyone's posts. Unless you've gone through/are going through a legal situation as a woman (sorry, it is different with the reputation and connotations), I would please just like some positivity. I get enough flack/abuse from SXH that I just want to come to a place with kind regards. I get enough "tough love" I promise you that. Super ineffective on me.
I do appreciate everyone's posts. Unless you've gone through/are going through a legal situation as a woman (sorry, it is different with the reputation and connotations), I would please just like some positivity. I get enough flack/abuse from SXH that I just want to come to a place with kind regards. I get enough "tough love" I promise you that. Super ineffective on me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by Jules714 
As of right now I have not seen my child since June. She lives very far away. He refused to put her on a plane in August and we are involved in litigation that he keeps getting continued. I should have had her last week. Again..constant litigation. Tens of thousands of dollars.
Thankfully my child is a teen, and we speak daily. This poor girl has two alcoholic parents. For all intents though everyone is doing well.
I dont engage with my ex. Ever. All through attorney.
Things are not at all remotely deal but my point is I do not drink. And my child and I talk frequently about how strong we are. How we are actually doing this.
Things wont always be this way...but for now, this is our reality. Lest, I ever forget this little girl involved.
You can do it.
Jules
Thankfully my child is a teen, and we speak daily. This poor girl has two alcoholic parents. For all intents though everyone is doing well.
I dont engage with my ex. Ever. All through attorney.
Things are not at all remotely deal but my point is I do not drink. And my child and I talk frequently about how strong we are. How we are actually doing this.
Things wont always be this way...but for now, this is our reality. Lest, I ever forget this little girl involved.
You can do it.
Jules
Thanks for being so supportive of Babescake as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Babescake,
Jules had some greatwords to offer you. I'm glad you are here, and working on your sobriety, and getting your son back.
There are lots of great threads on here where you can check in daily. You might want to check out the mom's thread that was started, or the Women in Recovery Forum.
I am getting close to three years sober, and I have definitely been a much better mom without alcohol in my life.
I know you can do this!!!
Jules had some greatwords to offer you. I'm glad you are here, and working on your sobriety, and getting your son back.
There are lots of great threads on here where you can check in daily. You might want to check out the mom's thread that was started, or the Women in Recovery Forum.
I am getting close to three years sober, and I have definitely been a much better mom without alcohol in my life.
I know you can do this!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,504
(((Babescake))) Support to you for your situation to work out well. It sounds very anxiety provoking. You can do what you know you have to and it sounds like you are scared. A lot of conflict is so draining. I know you can have success!
I hope for the best for you and your child. Hugs and love, Aly ♥
I hope for the best for you and your child. Hugs and love, Aly ♥
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Thank you Delilah.
Sober, I am an incredible Mom.
Babe, I hadnt intented to be harsh, it is very much my reality and it is not pleasant. It seems aa though you still have a chance at working things out differently for you and your son. My point was to say the alternative is not great but it is possible for me, given my situation (that I put myself in) to remain sober. And I have even found some silver linings.
In other news, tickets were purchased yesterday for my daughter to come to me next month.
Finally!!
Be well, stay strong, you can absolutely do this!
Jules
Sober, I am an incredible Mom.
Babe, I hadnt intented to be harsh, it is very much my reality and it is not pleasant. It seems aa though you still have a chance at working things out differently for you and your son. My point was to say the alternative is not great but it is possible for me, given my situation (that I put myself in) to remain sober. And I have even found some silver linings.
In other news, tickets were purchased yesterday for my daughter to come to me next month.
Finally!!
Be well, stay strong, you can absolutely do this!
Jules
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
