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Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 12
Hi Justin,
I just wanted to add that ssri’s and drinking have caused me blackouts as well. Also I felt extremely suicidal once after binge drinking on them. I had to get off the pills after only 3 weeks. I called in sick to work and contemplated suicide all day. I had to call my husband and tell him something wasnt right. it was so bad that day alone at home that I called in. Benzodiazepines worked better since I was able to take them on an as needed basis. I’m beyond scared to ever take any form of SSRI again after feeling suicidal. Secondly, I’ve been there at the work party drunk. People are correct in saying that co workers will get over it. It’s not the end of the world and you will feel better once back at work and sober. That was my first job about 2008. In 2012 I got a new job and vowed never ever to drink with co workers again. I recognize that I just can’t. I usually turn down bbqs and events for this reason. I went to a co workers wedding and stayed completely sober. I’m just too scared now to drink with coworkers. That’s not to say I don’t have my own problems in private. I’m now drinking a bottle of vodka in my own house with the doors locked on the weekends. I delete all my text messages (mainly so it’s not easy for me to contact people and coworkers), I stay off fb, and sometimes even hide my phone from myself. It’s pretty sad, but like you I’m trying to do better. You’re doing great. I’m glad your anxiety has disappeared, and awesome work tapering down on the SSRI. That stuff can be brutal. Your life will be much better enjoying sobriety so stay strong!
I just wanted to add that ssri’s and drinking have caused me blackouts as well. Also I felt extremely suicidal once after binge drinking on them. I had to get off the pills after only 3 weeks. I called in sick to work and contemplated suicide all day. I had to call my husband and tell him something wasnt right. it was so bad that day alone at home that I called in. Benzodiazepines worked better since I was able to take them on an as needed basis. I’m beyond scared to ever take any form of SSRI again after feeling suicidal. Secondly, I’ve been there at the work party drunk. People are correct in saying that co workers will get over it. It’s not the end of the world and you will feel better once back at work and sober. That was my first job about 2008. In 2012 I got a new job and vowed never ever to drink with co workers again. I recognize that I just can’t. I usually turn down bbqs and events for this reason. I went to a co workers wedding and stayed completely sober. I’m just too scared now to drink with coworkers. That’s not to say I don’t have my own problems in private. I’m now drinking a bottle of vodka in my own house with the doors locked on the weekends. I delete all my text messages (mainly so it’s not easy for me to contact people and coworkers), I stay off fb, and sometimes even hide my phone from myself. It’s pretty sad, but like you I’m trying to do better. You’re doing great. I’m glad your anxiety has disappeared, and awesome work tapering down on the SSRI. That stuff can be brutal. Your life will be much better enjoying sobriety so stay strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
I'm working for 8 years in my current job. Did things even before SSRI, now it just got worse. I totally agree with you, my mindset from "company party" changed to just a regular work day where I try to stay professional and move through the day as fast as I can.
I am used to always seek for relief for my mental pain. Chemicals were my answer. Now I feel lost and helpless without them, although may day to day life seems to be improving dramatically in overall without them.
In my life this is how it always was. My mom cope with benzos, dad with alcohol, friends with drugs. People living sober life seemed strange and boring to me.
I want to learn to live happy and sober. Don't know how.
I am used to always seek for relief for my mental pain. Chemicals were my answer. Now I feel lost and helpless without them, although may day to day life seems to be improving dramatically in overall without them.
In my life this is how it always was. My mom cope with benzos, dad with alcohol, friends with drugs. People living sober life seemed strange and boring to me.
I want to learn to live happy and sober. Don't know how.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 46
Justin00 thank you for your post..
I just screwed up my life royally. I was good for 5 months. I had lost my job the first week of this month and the depression in my head, feeling like a failure and feeling I should have learned a career in my 20's. Plus my spouse was hovering over me I couldn't breath. So Monday I went out with a friend to a movie and I drank. (Idiot)
Now my husband is done getting his affairs in order just in case he has to sell the house and let me continue the path I chose. He told me "You do you & I will do me." I had to call my mother-in-law to tell her why I was not coming down yesterday to see her with my husband. Painful but she was supportive.
I never liked AA. I went for a year and didn't get much out of it, however I am going to do the program as it was design to do. I am doing 30 meetings in 30 days.
I hope this will do it for me. I just want to know too why I got this lovely default.
As far as my husband, proof is in the pudding. I have to show with my actions not my words. I really don't have support from him this time around. Even though he knew I would relapse his reaction to it was very harsh.
I thank you for your experience so that I can read all these post. Sorry about the book.
I just screwed up my life royally. I was good for 5 months. I had lost my job the first week of this month and the depression in my head, feeling like a failure and feeling I should have learned a career in my 20's. Plus my spouse was hovering over me I couldn't breath. So Monday I went out with a friend to a movie and I drank. (Idiot)
Now my husband is done getting his affairs in order just in case he has to sell the house and let me continue the path I chose. He told me "You do you & I will do me." I had to call my mother-in-law to tell her why I was not coming down yesterday to see her with my husband. Painful but she was supportive.
I never liked AA. I went for a year and didn't get much out of it, however I am going to do the program as it was design to do. I am doing 30 meetings in 30 days.
I hope this will do it for me. I just want to know too why I got this lovely default.
As far as my husband, proof is in the pudding. I have to show with my actions not my words. I really don't have support from him this time around. Even though he knew I would relapse his reaction to it was very harsh.
I thank you for your experience so that I can read all these post. Sorry about the book.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
LivinInLV I feel you.
My wife also does not get my addiction. As soon as I get better she would think that I got cured and offer me a drink when she thinks it's safe to do it. When we go out to events with friends and I go through this nonono stage she feels slightly ashamed that I'm an alcoholic and she's afraid of what someone else might think.
Day 17. I went to my first AA meeting I found in English for foreigners. As soon as I walked in everybody showered me with warmth and attention. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't say a word. My eyes were watering the whole meeting. At the end of it people saw and came to hug me, told everything is going to be okey. I was so grateful that I was able to find them. Can't wait for the next meeting on Monday!
Brought 2 books to read, got a couple of phone numbers and promised to call and tell them how I am doing until the next meeting. Things are different this time, I feel stronger.
Without this forum, I wouldn't have went there. Thank you!
My wife also does not get my addiction. As soon as I get better she would think that I got cured and offer me a drink when she thinks it's safe to do it. When we go out to events with friends and I go through this nonono stage she feels slightly ashamed that I'm an alcoholic and she's afraid of what someone else might think.
Day 17. I went to my first AA meeting I found in English for foreigners. As soon as I walked in everybody showered me with warmth and attention. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't say a word. My eyes were watering the whole meeting. At the end of it people saw and came to hug me, told everything is going to be okey. I was so grateful that I was able to find them. Can't wait for the next meeting on Monday!
Brought 2 books to read, got a couple of phone numbers and promised to call and tell them how I am doing until the next meeting. Things are different this time, I feel stronger.
Without this forum, I wouldn't have went there. Thank you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
Don't know why, but I wanted to give an update on how I'm doing.
I'm now 5 months and 4 days sober. Someone in this thread have suggested that I should go to an AA meeting and I did. Been going 2 times per week, got a sponsor and I'm working on 12-step program.
I'm also not using any anti depressants, anxiety medication since December.
I got a dog, his name is Joy, mountain bernese. He brings so much happiness in my life.
Today is a bad day, my wife is not talking to me because of some small argument and I feel very down.
If not this forum, I don't know where I would be now.
I'm now 5 months and 4 days sober. Someone in this thread have suggested that I should go to an AA meeting and I did. Been going 2 times per week, got a sponsor and I'm working on 12-step program.
I'm also not using any anti depressants, anxiety medication since December.
I got a dog, his name is Joy, mountain bernese. He brings so much happiness in my life.
Today is a bad day, my wife is not talking to me because of some small argument and I feel very down.
If not this forum, I don't know where I would be now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 148
Thats amazing Justin - great news.
Sometimes being in partnership is hard. Stupid misunderstandings can fester. I was awful for giving my OH the silent treatment - I had no idea how much it hurt him.
Who is at fault ?who knows? but maybe take the dog out - get some flowers or chocs for the wife or a cake to share - break the impasse - life is too short.
Sometimes being in partnership is hard. Stupid misunderstandings can fester. I was awful for giving my OH the silent treatment - I had no idea how much it hurt him.
Who is at fault ?who knows? but maybe take the dog out - get some flowers or chocs for the wife or a cake to share - break the impasse - life is too short.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 67
I'm not proud to say that I have done the same thing. I can't speak for her but when I'm doing it, it's overwhelming frustration and a genuine feeling of wanting to be left alone. If a sincere apology isn't the words about to come out of his mouth than I'm not interested.
I'm sorry you're having a rough a day, but I'm glad you've stayed sober, what a huge accomplishment, I hope you are proud.
I'm sorry you're having a rough a day, but I'm glad you've stayed sober, what a huge accomplishment, I hope you are proud.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 129
Justin, I’d be curious to hear how you are now compared to 5 months ago. How do you feel and what good things have you experienced in that time? Just wanting to get a glimpse into what 5 months sober could look like. It’s been about 5 years since I’ve had that much sobriety under my belt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
Thank you everyone for the encouragement.
I love my wife more than anything. Yesterday we both talked are hearts out and sorted everything, she apologized for overreacting and not talking to me. We had very rough and busy last couple of weeks. It's just one of those days where you get too emotional and then everything seems not working. We moved to Stockholm 2 years ago because of my job and it's been hard for my wife to adapt with her new job and responsibilities, no friends. To be honest, I'm glad this happened and now we understand and feel each other more than ever.
I've been blessed with my AA group and since the first meeting .I got a lot of support from everyone. There are many good people, with interesting lives which gave me strength in my decision to be sober. I feel committed with this group and this gives me a purpose.
The one thing that I understood after 5 months is that I don't need to feel happy 24/7. Previously, when I would feel down I would constantly seek for a fix, because I thought it's not normal, I'm depressed, I can't take it anymore. Now I understand my emotions and I'm okey with it. If I get to go home after busy day at work, have a language course, make dinner, go with the dog out and then at the end of the day have 15 minutes for myself where I can lay down on the sofa, do nothing just watch the night sky I consider myself a happy person.
My wife just can't believe that I'm finally sober. If I would go out with someone or go to a party she wouldn't get any sleep. She would be constantly stressed that I will end up in jail or do something stupid. Now she is not afraid, is more relaxed and just seeing that in her gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I love my wife more than anything. Yesterday we both talked are hearts out and sorted everything, she apologized for overreacting and not talking to me. We had very rough and busy last couple of weeks. It's just one of those days where you get too emotional and then everything seems not working. We moved to Stockholm 2 years ago because of my job and it's been hard for my wife to adapt with her new job and responsibilities, no friends. To be honest, I'm glad this happened and now we understand and feel each other more than ever.
I've been blessed with my AA group and since the first meeting .I got a lot of support from everyone. There are many good people, with interesting lives which gave me strength in my decision to be sober. I feel committed with this group and this gives me a purpose.
The one thing that I understood after 5 months is that I don't need to feel happy 24/7. Previously, when I would feel down I would constantly seek for a fix, because I thought it's not normal, I'm depressed, I can't take it anymore. Now I understand my emotions and I'm okey with it. If I get to go home after busy day at work, have a language course, make dinner, go with the dog out and then at the end of the day have 15 minutes for myself where I can lay down on the sofa, do nothing just watch the night sky I consider myself a happy person.
My wife just can't believe that I'm finally sober. If I would go out with someone or go to a party she wouldn't get any sleep. She would be constantly stressed that I will end up in jail or do something stupid. Now she is not afraid, is more relaxed and just seeing that in her gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I'm sure you and your wife will soon make up and at least it wasn't a drunken row-of that you will always be thankful
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Washington State USA
Posts: 79
Hang on with both hands and feet too with what works. A sober life is a life that seems only a chosen few get to enjoy or appreciate. Keep it going, thanks for all for being here and sharing your life, your journey...…..awesome!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 221
Oh wow this feeling is all too familiar! When I was younger I used to embarrass myself constantly at parties. In the UK we can drinking from 18 years of age so at everyone’s 18th I was always the girl who got too drunk, blacked out and did something stupid. I was the shyest girl in the world sober and drunk I would always do something stupid, usually end up getting with boys and having to hang my head in shame going into school the next Monday. I know school is a bit different to worklife - I’ve never let myself get in that state where I blacked out at work functions thank god BUT it got so bad back in the day I actually dropped out of school and went back the next year :/
Congrats on your sober time!
you’re doing great!
Congrats on your sober time!
you’re doing great!Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
To be honest I still haven't looked ant this topic first post. It even hurts to remember the things I've done.
I just recently fully got over it and made my amends to everyone. Two weeks ago I met this partner whom hosted the party and I told about my situation, that I'm terribly sorry. It literally took me 5 months to get over 1 night of drinking. I've been in this type of situation tens of times over past couple of years.
I just recently fully got over it and made my amends to everyone. Two weeks ago I met this partner whom hosted the party and I told about my situation, that I'm terribly sorry. It literally took me 5 months to get over 1 night of drinking. I've been in this type of situation tens of times over past couple of years.
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