Cuckoo

Of my non drinking friend last night as she looked happy and comfortable, chatting with people while I slowly pickled myself, blacked out and vaguely remember daughter calling me drunk when we were back home. Dont remember being driven home or the end of the evening........again. I literally hate myself and this is the last time I will ever feel like this.
My life is shrinking. I am shrinking. Its so true that it gets worse.
I am done, done, done.
Going to spend today getting together a plan and start to rebuild.
Have a good day everyone.
C

decchemist

It can be the last time, Cuckoo. Good to see you back.

I'm looking forward to seeing your plan. Are groups such as AA and SMART still not an option?

Cuckoo

Hi again Dec.
I feel this at my core. I am just done. The wine las night actually tasted like sulphar. Finished. Something amazing happened this week that I cant write about here as I want to remain invisible but I will PM you.
C

Berrybean

Great news that you have renewed commitment to recovery.
How's that plan coming along? Have you identified some things that you are willing to do now that you previously did not try?

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB

mns1

Glad you are here C. This can definitely be your last time.

I and I’m sure many of us here know the feeling of being jealous of non-drinkers. Not even just in social settings but at work/school/daily life, just interacting with people who have way more energy and seem happier than us and we think to ourselves how much we wish we could be like them — normal.

The truth is we can it may not be easy for us but it’s possible. The more you lean on the people here the better you’ll feel you can do this. Something better is within your reach

Rar

Glad you are here and DONE! Congratulations on your last Day 1.

D122y

Cuck,

Day 1's were tough, but not as tough as day 5 through 500.

That is because the withdrawels, detox, and shine wear off.

After a few days my addict mind is ready to get drunk again. This crave has never gone away. I am just better at dealing with it.

The cycle of years of relapse has fried my brain. I needed booze to feel normal.

I drank hard, off and on, for so long that I am heavily kindled.

Kindling.

I will never drink again. If I do, i will surely have a stroke or go insane. That is my mindset. I don't want to go out like that. It is pathetic.

If I treat booze like an...insanity causing agent...vs...what the marketing media wants me to believe...it is easier to turn a cold cold cheek to it.

Thanks.

Cuckoo

Thankyou everyone. I feel very anxious about last night but I have to try and let it go. I will not allow anxiety to make me pick up a drink today.
Lost track of how many times I have felt like this. Never again. I am impacting too many lives now.
I want peoples respect and I am going to work on it starting right now.
Hope your weekends are going better than mine has so far.
I will be reading and checking in regularly.
C

lunar

Stick around and post here on SR, Cuckoo.

I can personally attest to this- it surely helps.

You can do this.

thomas11

A better life awaits you on the other side.

Dee74

Hi Cuckoo - I had many such wake up calls - unfortunately I failed to take advantage of most of them by thinking the wake up call was enough for change to happen....

It wasn't - but you can benefit from my mistakes

pick up the sobriety ball and run with it - start planning how you'll live sober now, what your supports will be like and how you'll use them, and what you want your sober life to .look like...

Your new life starts now - you make it happen.
you can do this

D

Buckley3

Just be sure to take it a day at a time in the early days. A good plan for the first week is .... don't drink. It's too easy to get overwhelmed by the future or the past - especially in the first week or two.

Figure out the other stuff later. But right now you probably need like 3-4 days at least just to let your body get the toxins out and get your brain un-pickled. A lot of us have been there. You aren't alone.

Keep it simple. Keep it direct and focused. Make it a priority.

Best to you-

B

Cuckoo

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. I have finally realised that I just cant drink, full stop. I have accepted that fact now and I will take all the advice and take it an hour at a time, step by little step.

Thanks guys
C

Aliceiw

Oh, my. I've been where you were. Too many times to count.

I think it's a blessing that you think the wine tasted like sulphur. I'm really glad to be having a nausea-inducing feeling about the thought of drinking. I'm on day 9, but I have no desire to pick up a drink, in part because of the gross-out factor. Even my hairspray smells repulsive when I use it.

Buckley3

Awesome.

Step 1 is: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

I have my issues with AA... but this is NOT one of them. I think a person has to find their way to this admission before anything else can happen. Seems you've found it?

For the short term, block everything out regarding the past, the future, etc.. Just keep it very basic. Ground yourself in "I'm not drinking today."

It doesn't take long before you get your feet under you and can start looking around at other things, but first things first. Be patient with yourself - and make sure you treat yourself with some compassion. You deserve it. Eat some ice cream while you hang around here. Go for a walk in a nice place. Eat some comfort food. Whatever your choice of self compassion - do it while you hunker down and get established.

Best-

B

brighterday1234

To stay stopped and happy about that the alcoholic You has to die. This occurs as a consequence of a profound personality change/spiritual awakening gained through recovery programs such as AA. Without this in my experience inevitably the alcoholic you will pick up again. Commit to working a tried and tested program of recovery honestly. This gives you a good shot at lasting sobriety in my experience. All recovery programs bring about profound change irrespective of the organisation.

Branches

Cuckoo, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.
I believe you can do this. One foot in front of another. Don't think about forever or next week or two days from now. Just for today. You can do without a drink for one day. And tomorrow, tell yourself that again. My best thoughts and wishes to you.

LSNP

... two weeks ago.

Right back at it the next night.

If I am not working, I am drinking. Period. Monday’s are hellish.

How does one go about making a plan?

I cannot believe I let myself get to this point.

Dee74

This is a good link to get you started LSNP
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

Dee74

Hows it going Cuckoo?

D