bunchie

I was just wondering I really do not know why I drink so much. I grew up in a good house with lots of love, my father was an alcoholic but genuinely a great guy , he had some issues but we all loved him. My mother was practically a tee totaled, worked hard as a nurse, she was a great mom. However, me and my two brothers are alcoholic binge drinkers. Drinking was a way of life where I grew up, all the families drank at the beach, we were the sons and daughters of World War 2 veterans , and that's the way it was. I think one of my brother's is starting to get like my father , drinking everyday, but me and other brother just binge on weekends , I feel it is worse than drinking everyday because our intent when we drink is to get hammered, then sober up on Monday and suffer with anxiety , depression, and irritation. I've been reading where counseling can find out why you drink so much. Is this true? I only have anger at myself , I blame no one else for my shortcomings, but I always regret I never accomplished much in my life. I do have a good job , I make good money , I have a pension , retirement 401k, health insurance, two great kids , but something is missing.?I need to figure it out.

Gerard52

We binge because we want instant gratification. It is a self centred and empty way to live and you are waking up to it inside. 401k, money these things are do not being contentment in life, only security. You don't sound like you need a counsoller.

Dee74

If its really important for you to find out Bunchie a counsellor is probably a good idea but there's no guarantee you'll find an answer or like the one you get.

I drank because I liked the feeling of oblivion - pure and simple.

I spent years trying to find the why because I thought if I found the why I could
'solve' those underlying reasons and be a normal drinker.

I'm not trying to offend you in saying that,
This is obviously a burning question for you.

Whats your motivation?

D

Highercall

Hi bunchie

You have been posting a lot recently. Coming up with a lot of suggestions like counciling/ rehab.

You now need to take action. commit to being alcohol free for 14 days. During this time your brain chemistry should improve and allow you to think more clearly and decide what to do.

If you earn good money/ have a good pension then you have achieved in life. Most alcoholics have no job and no family.

Concentrate on the next 14 days. Good luck 👍🏻

Highercall

To answer your question why do you binge drink? It is probably due to the culture and environment you were in when you were young.

When I was young it was expected to go out and get drunk.

Nonsensical

Been there, done that.
My list of accomplishments was good enough for anyone else to call themselves accomplished, but not me. I did all sorts of things, but I thought I never did anything.

Holding myself to the same standard as the rest of the world was the first step in taking that boot of self-loathing off my neck. The one that held me down and made me so darn thirsty.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Mac4711

Bunchie, or you do? From another thread today:

‘I finally after many years realized that for me, the equation is binary. I either drink or I don't drink. I honestly had no intention of not drinking when I was drinking and though I could come up with plenty of plausible reasons "why" the real why is because I'm an alcoholic.

I think your equation is binary too?

Flip it on its head.
Instead of figuring out why you drink, instead decide you don't care - you're just not going to drink. If that's all you accomplish in a day, do that and be proud of it.’

I think that’s sound advice for all of us. The key thing is not to drink, above all. WHY we drink is a matter of intellectual curiosity - like Dee suggested, maybe something to discuss with a therapist. But it’s not important to figure it out in order to stay sober.

eyes99

I love coinselling, so if you’re considering it, I’d say go for it. It helped me figure out how I’d become an alcoholic, and once that became clear, it became harder to justify continuing to drink. Because of counseling, I made the commitment to stop and started using all of the tools my disposal to end the nonsense.

However - learning the whys didn’t “cure” my alcoholism. It strengthened my resolve, but my desire to drink was still there. Drinking had become a habit - I was addicted and it was now its own problem to solve. That was my experience. I love my counselor, I still go, and I think anyone considering it should try it.

thomas11

I was a reward drinker. I would work my rear end off all week to be able to destroy myself for a couple days on the weekend. In the end, it didn't matter "why" I drank, I just wanted to stop. Too many wasted days.

lessgravity

For many years I used the "why?"s to perpetuate my drinking. The "maybe..."s and the "tomorrow I will"s combined together helped me keep drinking, while thinking I was solving my drinking problems, for a long time.

The answer is really just how - how are you going to not drink today, and then tomorrow, and the next.

tomsteve

Why do I binge drink ?
untreated alcoholism maybe?


I've been reading where counseling can find out why you drink so much. Is this true?

many people have been helped greatly by counseling/therapy. personally, the steps of AA helped me find and fix the underlying issues alcohol was just a symptom of.

GetSmart

you binge drink for the same reason I do: you like to drink. even if Monday you don't want or need to, when the weekend rolls on in, it's time to feed the demon. It has been posted before: any excuse will do: we drink when we're happy, when we're sad, bored, to celebrate, to commiserate, to relieve stress, whatever. It's a habit that resists breaking. Whether one believes in the addiction theory or not, I know that something drives me to drink, some kind of thirst which may be physiological or psychological, but in the end it doesn't matter. It also doesn't really matter that on occasion I can moderate. Some of my friends take that as proof that I can learn to drink normally, but it just isn't true. I wish I were talking from the other side, with some decent sober time behind me, but that's not the case, I'm in my first week again. Easy as pie the first few days, but I've seen this too many times. I need to forget the reasons why I drink and concentrate on the reasons why I DONT drink. I have all the great stuff you cite, as well, and can't figure out why the fear of losing that isn't enough to scare me straight. It's a work in progress.

Anna

Bunchie, I wonder if the reasons might come to you when you stop drinking completely. I was surprised how my mind began to reason things and to make sense of things from my past, once I had stopped drinking.

bunchie

Thank you,
I believe everyone is a bit different in why they drink, and I am also learning that everyone seems to be a bit different in their approach to attain sobriety. I think if I seek counseling and rehab is suggested it will help me find my way. I realize now after reading the replies to this thread that in the end it does not matter why I drink so much? ; that the sole purpose is to stop and remain sober, but I am the type of guy who always asked why about everything in life; although the reason why I drink so much is because I am an alcoholic, and the reason why I am an alcoholic is either due to huge character flaws where I selfishly pursuited drunkenness because it was pleasurable ; or it is genetic and I never had a chance to drink normally, that's what I have been reading anyway, most non alcoholic people I know think that the alcoholic did this to themselves it was their choice, and I am starting to believe them after reading through these threads, I am going to throw away the crutch of predisposition and confront my selfish faults. I thought hard about it last night, the successful alcoholic who remains sober is mentally tough and just stops regardless of genetic predisposition and heredity, and environmental factors. I willfully went binge drinking for 40 years because I was a self centered fool , early on I probably had choice but my brain became changed due to my own self centered pursuit of drunkenness.No one to blame but myself.thank you for your reply.

DontRemember

When I was wanting to get sober,attending court ordered AA and still drinking, my mind was all over the damn place! Felt like a 'thought pinball machine' in my head! Once I got some distance between my last drink,about 3mo, everything started to be clearer and real. It's like when I was drinking it 'all' made sense,but once I started taking the drink away, it was just scarry confusion. I 'think' that's what keeps us going back to the bottle/drug. The more distance,the better..just like a bad breakup and you go 'no contact' to protect yourself. It sucks for a while and you miss them,but you know it's for the best. You'll still think of the "what if's?" and such,but with time/distance/self-care you forget about them eventually.

ScottFromWI

I found the same thing too. To take it a step further, I think that part of my quest to find the answer to "WHY" was actually part of my addiction. If I found out why, then logically I would be able to fix why and start drinking normally again, right?

For me the answer was to just accept that i AM that way. I don't consider it a fault, it's just something about me. Just like my son who is allergic to peanuts - it's not a fault, he just can't eat peanuts. He doesn't spend hours researching why he can't eat them either, he just doesn't eat them.

Of course addiction is a different thing than a food allergy, but in a lot of ways it's similar. I accept that I cannot ever drink alcohol again without serious conseqences. I also accept that whatever is different about me in regards to that is something that can never be changed. I don't even have to call myself and alcoholic or an addict if I don't want to, sometimes the terms just muddy the waters anyway.

bunchie

Scott from WI,
I agree with your assessment and analogy about peanuts, although I still believe I had a lot to do with why I drank , whereas your son had nothing to do with his allergy to peanuts, I am starting to believe the addiction of alcoholism is mainly caused by the person , I used to believe it was a disease and maybe it is, but is manmade like emphazema, only coal miners and smokers get emphazema. I knew the dangers of drinking but continued every weekend my choice my fault , I basically caused my own disease if you believe it's a disease.

ScottFromWI

I think you missed my overall point :-) The reason I used the allergy comparison is precisely because what "caused" his allergy is irrelvant to him. No one knows why people have allergies, they just do. Some people are born with them, others develop throughout life.

So lets say you were able to actually conclusively prove that you "caused" your alcoholism. Would it matter? Would your solution do the problem be different?

bunchie

I think so, I need to look in mirror and tell myself I am the cause, it's not predisposed, people use that as a crutch, I need to own up to myself and right my ship. Thank you

ScottFromWI

That's not what I'm saying either ;-) The "cause" doesn't matter. Focus on the solution - which is one in the same no matter what the cause is.

The solution, however - does live in your mirror. And you have a LOT of say in how things move forward.