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Why do I binge drink ?

Old 07-24-2018, 01:17 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by bunchie View Post
I was just wondering I really do not know why I drink so much. I grew up in a good house with lots of love, my father was an alcoholic but genuinely a great guy , he had some issues but we all loved him. My mother was practically a tee totaled, worked hard as a nurse, she was a great mom. However, me and my two brothers are alcoholic binge drinkers. Drinking was a way of life where I grew up, all the families drank at the beach, we were the sons and daughters of World War 2 veterans , and that's the way it was. I think one of my brother's is starting to get like my father , drinking everyday, but me and other brother just binge on weekends , I feel it is worse than drinking everyday because our intent when we drink is to get hammered, then sober up on Monday and suffer with anxiety , depression, and irritation. I've been reading where counseling can find out why you drink so much. Is this true? I only have anger at myself , I blame no one else for my shortcomings, but I always regret I never accomplished much in my life. I do have a good job , I make good money , I have a pension , retirement 401k, health insurance, two great kids , but something is missing.?I need to figure it out.
You can't get addicted to a substance unless you have learned it does something for you. When life presents us with overwhelming issues, addicts respond with compulsive behavior such as a quick fix or mood changer of drugs. This is another way of saying we drink to regain control of how we feel. When we think life should be easy, fair and painless, our threshold to adversity is lowered and we regain control of our emotions with booze. The antidote is to empower ourselves with healthy behavior that replaces the drinking and returns control to our emotions. Easier said than done but it starts with realistic values and purpose in life. I was a functional drug addict for 4 decades. I had lost my purpose and values in life. It might be time to regain or acquire yours.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by CRRHCC View Post
You can't get addicted to a substance unless you have learned it does something for you. When life presents us with overwhelming issues, addicts respond with compulsive behavior such as a quick fix or mood changer of drugs. This is another way of saying we drink to regain control of how we feel. When we think life should be easy, fair and painless, our threshold to adversity is lowered and we regain control of our emotions with booze. The antidote is to empower ourselves with healthy behavior that replaces the drinking and returns control to our emotions. Easier said than done but it starts with realistic values and purpose in life. I was a functional drug addict for 4 decades. I had lost my purpose and values in life. It might be time to regain or acquire yours.
This. And this again. Nails it for me.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:29 PM
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We drink because the stuff works. Then it doesn’t work and misery follows. Always tried to recapture the old happy drunken feeling. It was gone , it was a myth anyway.
I like sobriety better.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:37 PM
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I was a binge drinker because I enjoyed getting effed up. The buzz was the cuz. It used to bewilder me why some folks would poor only a half glass of wine. Hell if ya going to drink, fill that sucker to the rim. Slam it down and pour another (full) glass. Folks like me with a drinking problem don't mess with a shot or two and then settle for the night. We binge all week long .

I hope you find a good local AA group to get hooked up with. It will do you a world of good!
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
This. And this again. Nails it for me.
I am doing something about it, I am the problem, not genetics or environment , me,, and only me can get me sober , it's preety simple if a chronic drug or alcoholic can get sober , which they do, when they realise they are the problem. Own up to it , I think that's the biggest problem with most of us we are in denial and many of us are ******* cowards who blame everyone else. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and quit cold turkey it's the only way.
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Old 07-25-2018, 10:47 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
That's not what I'm saying either ;-) The "cause" doesn't matter. Focus on the solution - which is one in the same no matter what the cause is.

The solution, however - does live in your mirror. And you have a LOT of say in how things move forward.
The cause matters as you will never find the solution without it. Drinking is a symptom of a disfunction.
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Old 07-25-2018, 10:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Gerard52 View Post
The cause matters as you will never find the solution without it. Drinking is a symptom of a disfunction.
The main cause is picking up a drink. Dysfunction is the aftermath for someone with a drinking/drug problem after having a drink/drug.
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:01 PM
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Hi, Councelling really helped me. Also cognitive therapy-understanding my patterns of thought and behaviour so that I could change my behaviour when reacting to my thought patterns and emotions. Addiction doesn’t automatically go away as a result of councelling. you really have to work at it. I was addicted to alcohol because I was an addict not directly because of something else(if that makes sense). Good luck on your journey.
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:36 PM
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Originally Posted by CRRHCC View Post
You can't get addicted to a substance unless you have learned it does something for you. When life presents us with overwhelming issues, addicts respond with compulsive behavior such as a quick fix or mood changer of drugs. This is another way of saying we drink to regain control of how we feel. When we think life should be easy, fair and painless, our threshold to adversity is lowered and we regain control of our emotions with booze. The antidote is to empower ourselves with healthy behavior that replaces the drinking and returns control to our emotions. Easier said than done but it starts with realistic values and purpose in life. I was a functional drug addict for 4 decades. I had lost my purpose and values in life. It might be time to regain or acquire yours.

An interesting point of view but absolutely not my experience. I could care less what was going on in life around me. I didn't have the insight or awareness or even the maturity to be particularly concerned about anything. Sure I had good days and bad days, but that was irrelavent to the drinking.

In the scenario above, the OP, as a regular binge drinker must have had life throwing up obstacles in an absolute clockwork fashion. Every week at the same time, an obsticale comes up in the face of which we run off and drink. It doesn't make sense.

My experience was that I had a memory of the first few times I drank, not to oblivion, but to a really nice place. It felt good, I felt a part of life at last. I felt complete, satisfied, unafraid. The big book describes it as a sense of ease and comfort. No trouble, no stupid drama. It was a good spot.

That was the place, the only place I wanted to get to. The false belief or obsession that that could still happen (untreated alcoholism) was what took me to take the fatal first drink.

So I take the FFD aiming for the sense of ease and comfort, no other intention other than to have a good time, and I lose control and wildly overshoot the mark, bringing out all the crazy behaviour and the subsequent sickness, guilt and remorse. I feel awful because none of the crazy stuff was ever meant to happen. I didn't set out to get sh$tfaced and do the crazy stuff, I set out to have a couple and relax. That's the story of an alcholic. A m ind that convinced me it was safe to drink and a body that insured I would destroty mysef in the process.

The drunk is a different story. That is a lifestyle choice summed up in the following saying:

The drunk could stop if he would, the alcholic would stop if he could.
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Old 07-26-2018, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
The main cause is picking up a drink. Dysfunction is the aftermath for someone with a drinking/drug problem after having a drink/drug.
I am afraid not in most cases the disfunction was there to start with and alcohol helped paper the crack. For sure alcohol will make it worse but happy stable people do not become drunks.
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Old 07-26-2018, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Gerard52 View Post
I am afraid not in most cases the disfunction was there to start with and alcohol helped paper the crack. For sure alcohol will make it worse but happy stable people do not become drunks.
That's interesting, because I know many people who are drunks who come from loving families, who have great jobs and lots of good relationships with community and church, yet I see them out getting pie eyed at the same places I frequent. They do not consider themselves drunks but they are, they are there to get drunk and go home..
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Old 07-26-2018, 03:56 PM
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I think there are a million reasons that lead up to us becoming alcoholics, as well as many different recovery methods and solutions.
Drinking is no longer our solution and we need to find a way to live healthy, successfully without it,
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Old 07-26-2018, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by bunchie View Post
I think so, I need to look in mirror and tell myself I am the cause, it's not predisposed, people use that as a crutch, I need to own up to myself and right my ship. Thank you
I noticed you started a thread with a title along the lines of "I find the big book confusing."

I think it's a great statement and an important one. I also think it's related to some of what you are asking here. You are really trying to understand and get your arms around it and I applaud you for it. Something to think about though - get very hyper focused on:

Step 1 is about denial. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

In my humble, unprofessional opinion, regardless of whether or not a person ends up sticking with AA or some other means of staying sober. Until you make this one simple realization - like, really admit it and let go of the b.s. - there's nothing but confusion and trouble ahead.

For me, the instant I accept this the question of why? immediately became unimportant. Some questions don't have answers. Some questions don't need answers.

I drink, bad stuff happens. I have no control over booze. It makes my life completely unmanageable. I don't care why. I care that I don't do that to myself ever again... starting with today.

Best-

B
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Old 07-26-2018, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by bunchie View Post
That's interesting, because I know many people who are drunks who come from loving families, who have great jobs and lots of good relationships with community and church, yet I see them out getting pie eyed at the same places I frequent. They do not consider themselves drunks but they are, they are there to get drunk and go home..
Couldn't agree more. And either way, what's the point in comparing miseries? One person's damaged childhood is an excuse for the bottle, while for another it's what drove them to find happiness.

I think you have the right attitude. I feel the same. It's all in each of us to find a better life. One thing I tell myself, and I mean it in a way that is empowering not defeating, is that no one is coming to save me. In fact, during this, my final attempt to be sober for the rest of my life, that phrase has served me well.
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Old 07-26-2018, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by bunchie View Post
I realize now after reading the replies to this thread that in the end it does not matter why I drink so much? ; that the sole purpose is to stop and remain sober, but I am the type of guy who always asked why about everything in life; although the reason why I drink so much is because I am an alcoholic
Bingo (at least it was for me). I think most people when they reach the point of seriously considering sobriety want to know why they became an alcoholic. It's a bit like wanting the most precise watch in existence... only to realize that it doesn't change what time it is. This is what on some level I think what we all wanted, as though knowing "why" would somehow slay the monster; we would find peace, and magically be able to drink like a normal person once more.

I have come to accept my alcoholism as something like the color of my eyes. I see it every day, but there is no judgement or shame or novelty about it, it simply is an aspect of me. Obviously, having blue vs brown eyes never made me do all the things I did in active addiction, but now that I don't drink, it has that level of impact on my day... so long as I never pick up the first drink.

That is the real question in early sobriety: how exactly do I learn to go through each day without needing or wanting the escape that alcohol once provided? Going to a psychiatrist helped me answer that. Counselling was a part of the solution, not the entire answer.

Good luck Bunchie - you CAN do this.
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Old 07-26-2018, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle View Post
Bingo (at least it was for me). I think most people when they reach the point of seriously considering sobriety want to know why they became an alcoholic. It's a bit like wanting the most precise watch in existence... only to realize that it doesn't change what time it is. This is what on some level I think what we all wanted, as though knowing "why" would somehow slay the monster; we would find peace, and magically be able to drink like a normal person once more.

I have come to accept my alcoholism as something like the color of my eyes. I see it every day, but there is no judgement or shame or novelty about it, it simply is an aspect of me. Obviously, having blue vs brown eyes never made me do all the things I did in active addiction, but now that I don't drink, it has that level of impact on my day... so long as I never pick up the first drink.

That is the real question in early sobriety: how exactly do I learn to go through each day without needing or wanting the escape that alcohol once provided? Going to a psychiatrist helped me answer that. Counselling was a part of the solution, not the entire answer.

Good luck Bunchie - you CAN do this.
Thank you , Eddiebuckle, this forum is awesome I learn new perspectives everyday, my wife thinks I have a girlfriend because I am on the phone writing posts, I showed her the forum she calmed down, lol. Thank you for your opinion and knowledge everyone has been so helpful , I will concentrate on the solution just curious about alcoholism right now, I find it fascinating I just wish I was not part of the subject matter. Lol
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Old 07-26-2018, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by bunchie View Post
I will concentrate on the solution just curious about alcoholism right now, I find it fascinating I just wish I was not part of the subject matter. Lol
You sound really really good. We're all pulling for you for sure. For me, so many seem to come and go and fade away, etc. It's heartbreaking sometimes.

I think we've all asked ourselves the same questions. Being curious is awesome. Knowledge is power.
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Old 07-27-2018, 12:33 AM
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I definitely had underlying issues that led me to turn to drinking, but for many years I had the idea that if I could somehow solve those issues I'd somehow be restored as a normal drinker, or at least not crave a drink.

Unfortunately that was not the case for me.

Whatever my underlying issues were I also developed a nasty case of alcoholism and I had to act on both the issues and the 'medicine' I took.

I had never been a normal drinker anyway...

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Old 07-27-2018, 01:51 AM
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Differentiating between the alcoholic living in my head and my true self helps me. Some people have trouble with the concept, but if you've ever tried to quit and then 48 hours later you have this debate raging in your head with one voice saying drink again, just one more time, and the other voice saying no, I MUST stop, then you probably have some idea what I am talking about.

I regard those two voices as coming from two distinct entities, and I have to treat them very differently. The alcoholic (for the most part) gets ignored. If I could evict him from my head I would. Since I can't I have had to learn to live peacefully with him. But I have stopped taking his advice. It was all lies and led to a mountain of trouble.

That's enough to eliminate drinking as a problem. I stop taking the alcoholic's advice about drinking and refuse to drink. But eliminating a drinking problem might not be the only step required to build a happy sober life. It wasn't for me. I had to take additional steps. I had to do things for the other guy living in my head - the true me. I spent decades neglecting him and taking care of the alcoholic. The true me was underdeveloped and didn't know how to handle many things life throws at me.

I find doing things to help that guy grow is my path to happiness. (Cue the Two Wolves story...)

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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Old 07-27-2018, 03:22 AM
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Great post, I have been dealing with that same problem but until I read your post , I never differentiated between the two voices, I thought they were one in the same, but I am starting to understand that my brain is now wired differently than a normal drinker because of all the past drinking , and that voice that craves alcohol is not me essentially and I have to learn to live with it , but ignore it . Thank you , Nonsensical
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