daredevil

Quitting drinking is exactly like quitting smoking.
Most people who stop drinking simply move on with their lives.
Just like ex-smokers.
No meetings.
No perpetual recovery.
The cure-all for drinking is simply to stop.
The rest is living.

Delizadee

I so wish this was the case for me. Maybe it could be. Who knows.

I know I stopped so many times and thought I was back to normal and I could handle life on my own.
I could not.

Everyone's sobriety and recovery is different.
Not everyone is so black and white.
My brain does not handle alcohol at all the way it does smoking.

I can have a smoke and then not for 4 years. I can't do that with booze.

lessgravity

Really? I don't think, besides actual death, smoking causes the suffering that drinking does. Sure, that I believe. But the quitting of smoking? That is NO joke. Physically as addictive as heroin. And I've known many an ex-smoker who pined after the crap decades after quitting. Knew many people who failed over and over to quit. But they didn't tell people or other ex-smokers/smokers they were "in recovery."

Not clear at all how it's any different. It's an addiction that hurts the addict.

Quitting is the only cure.

Delizadee

Also, I always say it's a choice. Some of us, a lot of us need a lot of reinforcement and support to get it through our heads especially depending where we are at in our addictions. I don't have willpower... I just have the choice to admit I know now I can't go it on my own. That is why I come to SR almost every day. You are here for a reason too. And I absolutely respect your sentiments.

Even if we make the absolute final choice to quit and stick to it, when we come here to give and get support, we are not going it alone and just moving on with life.

And just for, I don't know the sake of my opinion on one statement?
'most' alcoholics do not just go on living life. My experience here, and with AA, and NA, and the vast numbers who attend all 3 of those should speak otherwise

And I would like to ask, are you ok? Are you trying to convince us of this or yourself?
No need to answer if I am being too nosey. I know you are intelligent enough to know how vast sobriety and recovery life can be. I only ask because I care. No need to turn people away who can't simply choose today to stop.


I really appreciate how much this thread has stopped and made me think.
Delz

joandmelandhan

Blimey I know I'm full of painkillers today but this thread is blowing my mind!
Seriously I'm confused......
All I know is my own experience. I knew I was an alcoholic at 30. I mean drinking wine at 8.30 am as soon as husband has left for work was my daily habit back then so as much as I fought it I knew. 16 years later I have now achieved what I hope is long term sustainable sobriety. Yes maths fans that made me 46. It wasn't so much an age thing it was simply that my alcoholism sent me to a place where I thought I was in real danger of dying. I rang out every last drop of my drinking career and enough was enough. What I would give to have given up sooner......the lost years are the hardest thing for me to come to terms with. My eldest daughter is 16 - what a waste.
Do I even have a point to make here I'm not sure?
The nature of our addiction is such that it'll try every trick to keep us trapped. So one of its lies is actually that we are too young and we have decades before we need to stop. LIES.
I applaud everyone brave enough to be on this journey with me. Wow if you can stop in your 20s or 30s - what a gift to yourself and your loved ones!
Addiction doesn't give a stuff how old we are, how rich we are, how sane we are etc etc........ It is never to early or too late to break free of those chains of addiction xxx

Wholesome

It's true though that most people do just quit and carry on with their lives. It's a fact that AA only works for a very small group of people, but yes for those who it works for, they do stay in AA and in recovery, so if you attend AA that would be your perception. The 95% of people who try AA and drop out must certainly still eventually find a way to quit drinking?

I don't hang around SR to keep me from drinking. I hang out because of how much information there is on here, this is where I learned how to quit, after trying just about every kind of meeting out there, including AA. I also like being around others who understand and I like trying to help others, the way I was helped on here when I needed it. This is a good place with a fantastic community. I like it here.

ScottFromWI

Folks - please remember our #1 rule here in newcomers.

Please Read! The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

lessgravity

Ooopsie!

Here's to just being sober, however we all get and stay there!!!

markinny

probably going off topic here but quitting cigs would be more difficult for me than quitting drinking was. sometimes I think it might be easier to quit drinking when you are older because time is running out and reality sets in. reality can be a great motivating factor.

I worked with a guy who after his 2nd dwi came to the responsible conclusion that he needed to give up drinking or driving. he gave up driving. I drove him to work or he would bus it and stop at the bars. 10 yrs. later he had a stroke and the dr. told him he needed to give up at least one, drinking or smoking, he quit drinking (with no formal help) and got his drivers license back. coincidentally I got my 2nd dwi then and he returned the favor for 6 months. to sum it up for this guy drinking was more important than driving but nicotine was more important than anything. it's a beast for the true addict.

Delizadee

I am not really good at being to the point and did not intend to say one way is better than the other- just that it takes different times and different ways for everyone to go on resuming a 'normal' life.

I for one, had no normal life to return to and found myself pretty much homeless with a young child, jobless, uneducated. Totally different than a rich life with everything I wanted and 3 kids and a beautiful acreage.

This is not meant as a rebuff, this is just my experience and I know I am not the only one.

There is no one right way to staying sober- beyond what works for each individual who CHOOSE to stay sober, no matter what the way

Wholesome

I agree that there are many paths, and that what may be right for one may not be right for another.

eyes99

I don’t like the idea of perpetual recovery, either, but I don’t worry about it. Why should I? I’m newly sober and go to AA. I like it, and I feel worse when I don’t attend for a while. Why overanalyze? If it works, use it. When it stops, find something else. And if you love it so much or it’s so effective that you keep going forever, that’s wonderful too.

Last thing - a lot of us alcoholics/addicts found ourselves in this predicament at least partly because we were lacking purpose. It makes sense to me that at least some of us may find our lifelong purpose in helping other addicts. Others of us will find it elsewhere. Whatever works.

daredevil

Well said, eyes99.

daredevil

From my experience at meetings, the people who quit by or before 30 had lives that became unmanageable.

Same goes for several of the people I've met who quit at or above 50.

The people I've met who quit at or around 40 simply got tired of drinking.
I didn't see much unmanageability.

That's the point I was getting it in the original post.

daredevil

I wouldn't trade in my drinking days.
I enjoyed them (for the most part).

I wouldn't trade my sobriety for more drinking days, either.

tekink

Took me until 42 to finally have blood tests showing liver issues and another 18 months to actually quit.

I was pretty good at being a "functional alcoholic", I opened a bar.

tekink

I get the point. I've kicked cigarettes, opioids, and nearly kicked alcohol (15 months in). Kicking cigarettes, while hard, didn't really effect me in my head the we the other two did. Being an addict has mentally changed me forever I'm afraid and that didn't happen when I kicked the cigarettes.

For what it's worth alcohol was the hardest both mentally and physically for me.

entropy1964

I relate to what LG is saying. I was sober a couple years...a few years ago. Lol. At that time I really hated being in 'recovery'. Like, when is this shlit just over with? When is it done and dusted? I latched onto the concept of being recovered, a non drinker, finito. BUT this wasn't really coming from a place of being truly finito. It was coming from my AV saying, take your eye off the ball. 'Those' people in meetings all the time, that's not YOU. You got this. You're done.' Unfortunately for me I didn't recognize what was going on. I was not completely in acceptance....hope I am now! So this thinking was really all azz backwards.

Now? It really doesn't matter to me. Today? Forever? Whatever. I don't drink. I'll do what I have to do today not to drink. If that's nothing, I do nothing.

I used to intellectualize until I had analysis paralysis. Now I recognize, that for me, that leaves cracks for my AV. None of it matters. I don't drink today. Whether I'm 20 or 70. And I'm not gonna change my mind!! I like that one.

entropy1964

The people I've met who quit at or around 40 simply got tired of drinking.
I didn't see much unmanageability.

So I have to ask DD, all these other people...who cares? What about you? I can't help but think this is really more about you.....not everyone else. If you quit, and you're around 40, and you simply got tired of it? Yay. Onward and upward!! I would think you're done then, yes? And that is fantastic. I'd totally bag meetings and SR and the whole nine yards if that were me. But, alas, it is not

ProfessorD

Feels like there's a lot of unproductive judgments, assumptions, and overgeneralizations being tossed around here...