Can't forgive myself
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Sobriety is like driving a car really fast and then slamming on the brakes. All the stuff in the back seat comes flying forward and hits us in the head! Gaining some emotional sobriety over time allows us to get some perspective on what it was like.
Rolling around in the muck isn't good long term, certainly. Staying sober is one way to make amends to those we love and have harmed. It is in that action we change and learn to forgive - ourselves and others.
Keep coming back
Rolling around in the muck isn't good long term, certainly. Staying sober is one way to make amends to those we love and have harmed. It is in that action we change and learn to forgive - ourselves and others.
Keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 204
Thanks for posting this message today Soberlife.
I'm only on day one, but I'm thinking and feeling the exact same way. Now that I've read through all the responses, I've had a thought. Perhaps thinking that I'm such a bad person and that nobody will ever forgive me is my AV trying to convince me that there is no point in stopping drinking if this is all I have to look forward to.
We need to stick to our guns and stop listening to that voice. We're changing for the better. We'll prove it to ourselves and everyone else, one day at a time. Stay positive! We can do this!
I'm only on day one, but I'm thinking and feeling the exact same way. Now that I've read through all the responses, I've had a thought. Perhaps thinking that I'm such a bad person and that nobody will ever forgive me is my AV trying to convince me that there is no point in stopping drinking if this is all I have to look forward to.
We need to stick to our guns and stop listening to that voice. We're changing for the better. We'll prove it to ourselves and everyone else, one day at a time. Stay positive! We can do this!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Great responses here. It really helped me to read them today. Even after 10+ yrs. sober, the occasional bad memory will pop up - usually at 3:00am.
3trees - Yes, the dark thoughts do serve a purpose. As long as we don't wallow around in them too long - they are a valuable reminder of where we've come from. I guess it would be dangerous to forget entirely.
3trees - Yes, the dark thoughts do serve a purpose. As long as we don't wallow around in them too long - they are a valuable reminder of where we've come from. I guess it would be dangerous to forget entirely.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 230
I can only speak for myself but what worked for me in this aspect is the realization that anything I did while drunk or high is not something I need to forgive myself for. As an alcoholic/addict I know when I was drunk I was not in control of my actions. The alcohol/drug was in control. It told me what to do. So I don't feel like I should 'forgive' myself for something I did not have control of.
That helped me to get over a lot of actions I did while I was drunk/high. Sure you have to take some level of responsibility but you also have to realize that the drunk you is not the real you. As long as you stay sober from here on out forgiving yourself for something that in a sense someone else did is pretty easy to do.
However in order for this way of thinking to work it is very important you stay sober from here on out cause if you continue to drink this way of thinking won't work cause you are intentionally creating this person every time you drink or use drugs. Also, trust me if you get a DUI or kill someone while you drunk driving the judge is not going to buy this concept.
Either way the longer you stay sober the easier it will be to get over what you have done while under the influence so focus on getting and staying sober and forgiveness will come with time.
That helped me to get over a lot of actions I did while I was drunk/high. Sure you have to take some level of responsibility but you also have to realize that the drunk you is not the real you. As long as you stay sober from here on out forgiving yourself for something that in a sense someone else did is pretty easy to do.
However in order for this way of thinking to work it is very important you stay sober from here on out cause if you continue to drink this way of thinking won't work cause you are intentionally creating this person every time you drink or use drugs. Also, trust me if you get a DUI or kill someone while you drunk driving the judge is not going to buy this concept.
Either way the longer you stay sober the easier it will be to get over what you have done while under the influence so focus on getting and staying sober and forgiveness will come with time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Soberlife 
I felt very much a responsibility for my actions, drunk or not.
I batted with regret and shame too - I had a lot of self hatred for myself which factored in to this as well.
Pretty early in I realised that wasn't healthy. I decided then and there to make my life a living amends for the things I'd done.
I try to do good every day and try my best to do my best. Somedays are better than other s on that score but I figure at least I'm looking forwards and not backwards.
Try as we might there's not a second of time we can change once its gone - I'd rather focus on the now and think about the future.
D
I felt very much a responsibility for my actions, drunk or not.
I batted with regret and shame too - I had a lot of self hatred for myself which factored in to this as well.
Pretty early in I realised that wasn't healthy. I decided then and there to make my life a living amends for the things I'd done.
I try to do good every day and try my best to do my best. Somedays are better than other s on that score but I figure at least I'm looking forwards and not backwards.
Try as we might there's not a second of time we can change once its gone - I'd rather focus on the now and think about the future.
D
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