Stew1984

I’m going now guys. Messages have been received. I know the horrible experience that happened with that girl I was with and it wasn’t all me. Chucking restraining orders and all the rest of that and threatening around my daughter is just further condemning me to a person so am not.

I am not a person that will abuse this forum and continue to make the same mistakes over again

I need to learn hard lessons. I don’t think it’s helpful to keep posting lies. You can all have your view on that relationship and that it was all my fault and I’ve messed it all up- that wasn’t the story. I know you think I’m an idiot. That’s ok. Probably adds up given the rubbish I post.

The thing is that posting here for me is a cycle in it all too. Making false declarations, promises and intentions. No point anymore. I’ll go away. I’ll have to seek an alternative. I’ve burnt every bridge going for me. Starting to launch into how I’m not there for my daughter is not working when I’ve done all I can under difficult circumstances with my daughter as her Mum is so difficult. I’ve always prioritised my daughter

Anyway I’m not going to continue to post when I’m in this mindset. I appreciate the advice. I think I’ve received enough dressing down now.

The ex girlfriend was a nightmare. Drinking or not , I knew that deep down. Physical violence, passive aggressive, emotionally unstable, manipulative yet it’s me that’s the problem is it?

I’ll go guys, I’m in a deep cycle of repetition. I’m done here, Everyone has done all they can for me. Nothing else can be said that hasn’t been said. The option for me now from here is inpatient rehab. I’ve got that. Nothing more I can say that surprises anyone here so I literally cannot day anything else without it being jumped on

You have an awareness now of me, a pen picture if you like. I can’t post here anymore. It’s pointless, it’s part of the insanity

lessgravity

The sheer level of self-pity overwhelms.

Good luck.

Dean1978

More self pity, your posts are just a merry-go round of the same thing. Start owning your actions

tomsteve

yet it’s me that’s the problem is it?

shes your ex so yes,stewy.

just like i was my problem when my fiance tossed me to the curb. yup, she had issues, but it wasnt going to help me to point the finger at her.

eyes99

Let’s say the relationship breakdown was all her fault. She’s the worst person walking the planet and was terrible to you. You were the wronged party, taken advantage of by her scheming. Let’s take all of that as stone cold objective fact...

Now what? You’ve won the argument about her flaws. Where do you go from here? She’s not in your life anymore, and she probably couldn’t care less about what you’re going through right now. So, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep killing yourself? Keep missing out on life? Do you really think that’s going to get back at her? What’s your endgame?

Cuckoo

Stewy
I have been following your story and every single reply you have had.
I have no qualified experience to give re alcohol withdrawal but the 'old girlfriend relationship' is a done deal which means your relationship with it is a done deal.
Let her go. Let you go.
Take a deep breath and move forward.
Who knows what is waiting around the corner for you.
You wont know if you dont turn left or right.
Dont carry on forwards with your self destruction.
Turn off the road and see where you end up ??
Its simple if you really think about it.

Just my two pennies worth xxx
C

2muchpain

Well Stewy, the good news is that you have a lot of great ideas on what you can do once you decide to quit. Seen the same thing with some people at AA meetings. They go to the meetings even though they keep drinking. Nothing wrong with that cause the more time they spend at the meetings and talking to people the more prepared they will be when they decide to quit. John

Hevyn

Stewy, We've made our observations & suggestions with love & compassion for you. Please don't get defensive & retreat when you need to be here. I'm sorry if we're not saying what you want to hear - but how is sympathy alone ever going to help you? We care so much, & no one wants you to leave. Inpatient is mentioned because we're afraid for you - afraid that on your own you won't take the action that's needed to save your life.

SoberLeigh

Posting here is not part of the insanity, Stewy.

Not listening to the advice given with an open mind and heart is. As alcoholics, we know what we are talking about. We have been there.

Stay, listen and act.

Cuckoo

Stay with SR another day Stewy.
See how you feel after that ? Its only 24 hours.

C

2muchpain

Ya know Stewy, I played the victim role for a long time. My problems were because of genetics, bad upbringing, not being understood, etc. A lot of people bought into that and just reinforced my self pity. It wasn't that I was faking it. I really believed my situation was hopeless and I could do nothing about it. I really felt I had no control over my life and that no matter what I did, it wouldn't make any difference. After several hospital visits and a few stints in rehab, and a lot of growing up, I started to see things differently.
I realized that life didn't care about me nor should it. It was gonna do what it is gonna do. But I do have say over how I deal with it and what things I can do to make my life as positive and fulfilling as possible. Today, I have a lot more control over what happens in my life, but I have to work at it every day. Some things I just have to accept as part of life and move on. Today, I am responsible for my day. I'm not bragging. If anything, this experience has humbled me a lot. What I'm saying is quit blaming life and how unfair things are, and take control of your life. Living in self-pity and believing you have no control over your life will eventually catch up to you. No way around it. But you have your own path to follow. Just hope it has a happy ending. John

newlyaddicted

Hi, if she treated you like this, can I ask why you want to remain in contact with her?
Wouldn't you be better off if you eliminated that kind of poison from your life?
This ex in question isn't also the mother of your child, is she?

Dee74

I hope you'll come back and read this thread again Stewy - preferably when you're sober.

What you call a dressing down is some really sincere advice from people who really care what happens to you.

No one has to post to you.

The fact that so many people do, even after all this time, is pretty special.

I've said that before and you agreed then.
I hope that, out of the drink, you'll agree again.

No bridges burned here Stewy.

If you leave it's because you choose to leave, and if you leave to drink some more that will be your choice too - not because of SR or your ex.

You need to let go of the ex thing - it's beyond dead man.

I spent a lot of time after breakups destroying myself, not only to numb the pain but to get the point across how much this person had hurt me. I wanted the news to filter back.

That's pretty effed up, yeah?

Regardless of who did what 2 years ago, your actions, right now, are setting you up for a harrassment charge and may be used against you in a custody hearing

Jeffs post about so many years wasted is true.
For me, It's like I was 30 and woke up the next day and I was 40 and a drunk.

I'm not a parent but less' post really resonated with me too and I think it did with you as well

You have people in your life who love and need you - one of those people is a child.

I know you're adamant you provide for her, and thats probably true.
My parents gave me every material thing I needed - but I never felt the love.

Your daughter needs her dad - and she needs to feel that love and that sense of you 'being there' more than material things.

Step up to the plate, Stewy.

D

AnvilheadII

I’ll have to seek an alternative

i can only hope that alternative is to stop drinking. that is what every person who has taken the time to reply to you has suggested.

SR is not the problem.
your EX is not the problem.

surrender is the solution.

ProfessorD

I don't really know you or your story, Stewy, but it's been pretty amazing to me how many people care about you and have prioritized responding to your posts. I wouldn't throw it away.

Avra

Stewy, a major factor in getting sober for me was brutal honesty with myself.

An honest assessment of what I said my priorities were, versus what i showed they really were through my actions. If my daughter was my priority then why did i drink to blackout as her caregiver?

An honest look at why I drank. The real reason. No it wasnt my work stress or relationship issues, or any number of other stressors in my life. No it wasn't because it was a bad day, a good day, a boring day, a holiday. It was because i am an alcoholic and would use anything as justification to drink.

An honest look at what I needed to do to quit. It required taking an action that quite frankly part of me didnt want to take, didnt believe in, and doing it anyway. Even if it was hard. Because it was hard.

Stewy perhaps you need to take a hard look at yourself. And assess. I say this with kindness and hope you find it in yourself to love yourself and get better.

Delizadee

You will come back when you're ready, I think a lot of us do.

The door is always open.

It's not a dressing down- - your story will help someone else.. we all care about each other here.

So I hope regardless of where you are at right now, you don't fade too far away from SR.

PeaceInSilence

Hi Stewy,

For around 8 years I thought constantly about and resented my very violent and controlling ex - I blamed him for EVERTHING that was wrong with me, my low self worth....all the bad thoughts I felt about myself and kept drinking on it. When I came to step 5 in the programme of recovery with my sponsor, I expected her to say, poor you, what a a**hole, no wonder you drank how you did......that didn't come by the way......I had to look at my part in the relationship and from that was able to see where MY actions were part of the problem. Not being abused obviously but to carry on hating and blaming him for how I was, I was actually allowing him the hold he always had on me. Looking at myself and taking into action my part and changing I was free from it. Other than speaking about it now he very rarely comes to my mind.

Allow yourself the freedom to look at your part and stop focusing on your ex and this merry-go-round of hell you're so clearly on. (And we have all been in our own type of hell)

I was told - pull my big girl socks up and take accountability for me. No one else - me. This was a big slap in the face to this sensitive soul but it was the truth.

I hope you get this Stewy, it sounds like a lot of people here care for you.

Good luck!

Renvate

Your cycle is all to familiar, i went through this 3 weeks ago. i got GREAT advice in a post...but completely skipped the points because they were all against my drinking. And would you look at that, I am back here again, what a surprise.

SoberLeigh

Hope that you made this Day 1, Stewy.