daveglass1

I cant be labelled as anything really - I wouldnt see any point in labelling. Would it be productive if I were? Would it define me?Do I require defining? Nah - its a load of ...Im ok being me. Oh - do I find it derogatory as a word? - No
Dave 🤠

Cascabel

If you no longer drink then you are a teetotaler, not an addict.

daveglass1

Nice Cascabel - as an alternative - It certainly offers more positivity
Dave 🤠

Rar

I agree. I don't find it derogatory as a word, but I don't want anyone attaching a label to me.

Upward2Enlightenment

A word is just that, a word. The only power it has is the power you give it.

As mentioned, words can be used in a derogatory manner as well as a supportive manner.

I know that it is painful that someone you love or loved is doing this just to hurt you.
Try using this response "at least I know what my problem is" and then just turn and walk away without saying another word.

Babescake

I know people are basically applying the old mantra, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." However, based off tons of evidence, WORDS make a difference in bullying/suicide/self-worth.

Thank you to those not dismissing my feelings. I know I need to reign them in more, and I have the power to change them, but feeling lousy that I believe this way isn't helpful. We all aren't in the same recovery place. My hurt isn't yours and it is justified. If words didn't hurt or make a difference, our society would also be different. So please don't admonish me for my raw emotions or put me down. Thanks.

TheToddman

Lots of good feedback here. I personally find the word 'drunk' pretty disparaging but understand that when the BB was written is was more common for those who were alcoholic. I can be addicted to a number of things (caffeine, exercise, etc.) so I'd be a bit more dismissive of something that smacked of ad hominem like that. Just know whenever the cutting language ensues you're developing strength from your resolve to stay sober and that transcends any childish accusatory nastiness...

T.

trachemys

My buddy MBlue has it.

LABEL. LABEL. LABEL.

How else do we make money off of you?

SweatyHands

I don’t know that I find the word “derogatory,” but I see it misused or used as an insult far more often than not. In the clinical mental health world, the word “addict” is used by so many people in so many different contexts, and with so many different meanings. I do refer to myself as a recovering addict, but I also get exhausted with how much time I spend trying to explain what addiction is to “normies.” And sadly, I think I spend more time explaining it to my peers in the mental health field more than to outsiders. When I hear someone else use the word, I often ask them to tell me what it means for them. And, sometimes, it’s easier to say that I have struggled with alcohol abuse in the past, to skip some steps in the explanation.

Dee74

I don't see anyone here dismissing your feelings or telling you not to feel that way.

I do see a lot of people trying to explain how they got past the label as a sticking point tho.

I get that the way your husband used it is/was hurtful and I'm sorry for that....but I think you're projecting a little here?

No ones trying to hurt or wound you here

In the beginning I had to focus all my energy on staying sober and on fixing te things I could fix - I figured I could sort the messy rest out later...and, altho it took a while, I did

D

Carlotta

Babes, I am not sure who you are referring to but speaking for myself, I was not dismissive of your feelings at all but just pointing out that while words hurt, you really cannot change other people's thinking and feelings but what you can do is build yourself up and get to realize how awesome you are.

Maybe it's because I was in Al Anon a long time and because I practice mindfulness but generally speaking, my posts and perspective tend to be inwardly focused and about changing oneself and one's perspectives rather than outwardly focused.

You cannot change your husband or control his nasty mouth but you can definitely start loving yourself. It might take a little bit of time but I am confident you will get there. Just a piece of advice from an old lady who has been there and done that, never allow someone else to define your self worth

Berrybean

I reckon that if someone is trying to be mean and condescending (just like any big standard bully) they can make even the sweetest and loveliest words turn poisonous and nasty. If the word 'addict' was removed from his vocabulary he'd likely find another one.

J had to learn that I had no business expecting myself to be perfect, when I wasn't expecting anyone else to be so. Now I don't feel so bad about my own imperfections I'm less likely to get tipped over the edge emotionally when someone else mentions them, or spots them, or let people manipulate me or guilt trip me because of them.

Just as stones aren't the problem, it's the person who chooses to throw them as weapons, I personally feel that words aren't the problem, but the person who chooses to thrown them as weapons.

Has he been mean Ann condescending in arguments before? If so, it could be time to adjust your expectations. Won't make him any more pleasant to listen to, but at least the element of shock will be removed.

BB

DangerZone

I wouldn't take offense at all. I am an addict/alcoholic but I realized this and now I don't drink or use drugs so I don't see what the big deal is.

AAPJ

I think George Carlin has some very interesting thoughts on the use of words that folks find offensive. In short he's against sanitizing our language by eliminating the use of "offensive" words. I won't post a direct link to the YouTube clip since it does contain "offensive" language. But if you want to view it yourself you can go to YouTube and search for:

George Carlin - Euphemisms & political correctness

aasharon90

As long as I add recovery to my
alcohol addiction/alcoholic, then
i'm stronger and healthier because
of it.

Living a continuous recovery program
life since 8-11-90, remaining teachable
and humble for my achievements.

Soberween

I'd be irritated if my ex called me an "addict" especially if he wasn't in recovery and knew very little about alcohol addiction. Sounds like passive aggressive immature behavior. When I hear the word "addict"my mind goes to illegal drugs and alcohol isn't illegal. That's just my two cents. I'm sure there are many on this forum who don't feel that way.

JustTony

Words are not important to me in themselves. It is how they are used that can effect my feelings about them (which is why I understand why you're sensitive to the word 'addict' Babescake).

I suspect if your ex called you 'alcoholic', 'drunk', 'sot' etc with the same intention to hurt (because as someone else said on this thread - he sounds like a child) then I suspect those words would hurt as much too?

Ever thought of laughing at him when he calls you that? Just saying "you'll never beat me up more than I will do to myself about my issues so try another tactic sunshine because that isn't working anymore!"

I suspect you would see the 'power' he thinks he has, drain quickly from his nasty, spiteful, little face.

JT

Forward12

We often feel that alcoholism is just self inflicted, but it also brings hell to those around us, especially partners and children, even worse than it is to ourselves.
Getting help and staying clean is the path the serenity, keep following it!

Buckley3

That's pretty crap. Talk about a low blow.

I only find it derogatory in the sense of how uninformed people are about what it's really all about. I was one of those people for a long long time. Still learning.

That said, I've largely come to peace with who I am so if that's what I am so be it. I don't particularly feel there's anything to be shameful of unless I'm running from it. And I tend to go to great lengths to keep toxic, ignorant people out of my life.

Cosima11

My mind naturally goes to the word "addict" because to me it's a broader term addressing the underlying issues and the potential in myself to become addicted to a variety of things.. The word "alcoholic" conjures up images of personality traits and behaviors. None of which are permanently tied to my identity once I removed the alcohol and began the healing process.

That being said I no longer feel shame in using either word and try not to give too much thought to people who use labels as weapons... they probably have their own issues.