Spartanman

Haven't been here for a while. I have been struggling lately, but I feel like I have hope to put this behind me for good.

I have had a few stretches of two, three week sober periods which were awesome. During those times I was more focused on my wife and kids and life in general was much better. No hangovers, less guilt and reduced anxiety.

But each little sober period was followed by a binge which would result in a mini-cycle of several days drinking, several days trying to control it, several days recovering, and then having another binge so bad that I would get the "enough is enough" feeling, which would last for about two to three weeks until the cycle started again ...

Each binge was preceded by stress, anxiety and resentment building up over time, and my lack of effective tools to manage those emotions. I could actually see another binge coming as I got impatient, angry, selfish, or resentful at other people. Swearing at people tailgating me, holding onto imagined slights at work or at home, not interacting positively with people ... when I got that way I had a thought in the back of my mind that I was on the downward spiral again but then I wouldn't redirect myself onto a better path and then, self-fulfilling prophecy, I would end up at the bar to "relax," which would end up as staying up late after my wife went to sleep so I could secretly drink another six-pack while watching stupid late night TV. Yeah, so "relaxing" when I woke up the next morning with a dry mouth, headache and anxiety! Then getting trapped in the awful cycle.

So I need to have a plan in place to stay the course. I tried AA and I like the ideas and the people but the social part is overwhelming for me.

I converted to a religion and that has been helping me immensely. Part of my plan is to really practice my faith sincerely and focus on that. I would also like to use SR as a tool. Also, exercise is something that might help, but I have to get over being so lazy.

Anyway, that's where I'm at today ...

doggonecarl

So, you know what the problem is, lack of coping skills, yet nothing in your solution--Faith, SR, and exercise--is geared to addressing that.

You need life skills. Where's the solution for that?

Spartanman

I don't know ... I guess I don't know how to get coping skills.

FreedomCA

I think some of those things help with coping skills.

june3

I have found that yoga, exercise, group meditation, etc. classes AT NIGHT have helped me get through rough periods. My trigger time is 5pm on the dot, cooking dinner. I have tried to look forward to those classes instead of a glass of wine. And when I know I'm working out at night, I won't drink. I usually have to have an exercise partner who is counting on me or I'll flake and drink.

I also exercise early in the AM. It's hard at first, but after the first few AM classes you get used to it and it starts my day off on a natural high and I want to make healthy choices.

Just some things that work for me.

Spartanman

Thanks June - exercising at night sounds like a good idea. I have tried waking up earlier than normal to exercise but I always just roll over!

Tilth

Yesterday was my first sober day and I switched my exercise from morning to night which was a huge help. I don't want to drink in the morning so my normal early morning exercise didn't fill in as a distraction that lasted long enough to matter in late afternoon when the witching hours began.
Last night I worked out at the gym at 6:30 pm which was about an hour after I would have normally started drinking for the night. My endorphins were up and I went home without the giant span of time previously available to drink before bed. Quick meal with my family and escaped to bed soberly

Dee74

Welcome back Spartanman

Lots of good ideas here for a recovery action plan?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

columbus

"So I need to have a plan in place to stay the course."

Don't drink. Even if you want to.

?

MindfulMan

I did that for years.

Then one morning I got up at 5:45am and went for a 3 mile walk along the beach. I liked it so much I did it nearly every day for 4 years. Got to really enjoy watching the street lights go off, sometimes watching the dolphins bodysurf, stop for a coffee.

As my cousin used to say, it's like that diet wave you have to ride or how quitting smoking just kinda rolls.

Therapy can help immensely with figuring out your life stressors, what caused them in the past, why you still blindly follow them, and how to change the behavior into something more effective, appropriate and positive.