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Why is the title harder than the post?

Old 04-10-2018, 07:43 AM
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Why is the title harder than the post?

I wonder if anyone shared my state of mind or could help me see it from above. I don't expect to miraculously find the solution to my alcohol solution. I really want to discuss the nature of the alcohol fixated mind.
I drink too much, like everyone here. I can stop drinking and feel great and then after an interval I start again. I'd say I'm about 50/50 as regards drinking days for the last year or two. I don't know about units, but if I'm staying in I'd drink 2 to 3 bottles of strong red wine. On the occassions I go out I've no idea what I'd drink.
The thing is when drink it's because I want to drink. There's no struggle going on. People imagine an angel and a devil scenario playing out. I don't have that. All I have is, "I want a drink." No problem, no wrangling going on. It just happens. As soon as it enters my head, "you know what I could do with......" and then I'm back drinking again, exactly where I don't want to be.
I just wonder, is that the big deal for you all? Is that the real problem? We can all be strong but if our real selves are wanting something then there's nothing else in us to fight against it.
I'm getting a bit overly philosphical I suppose but I suppose this is what the idea of powerlessness is. You maybe need a deserted island or a monastry or something.
In my mind I have plenty of control. But then for instance I've been completely sober for a while and then I'm going on a train and then that same mind - me - decides to go and buy some of those vodka and coke cans for the journey, and then that's a week or two of heavy drinking commenced.
So I was wondering how others feel about this. Do you struggle between a right and a wrong? Is it a fight? I only find it easy. I find it incredibly easy to be sober but impossible not to be drunk. I could win a straight fight but I don't get one, I just do what I'm told.
Where do you see youselves in this? Are you back one step, oh I shouldn't have done that, or are you present at the time you start drinking. I don't think I'm really there at the time. Regardless of my sober happiness I just say, I want a drink, and there I am.
So, I'm interested in how others see their minds working. Do you have a higher and lower self for instance? I certainly don't.
I think the only way to change myself would be to change my circumstances.
Has anyone, or has anyone got rid of their habit by intelligent choice? Of has it always been through forced abstinence or a fierce mental straitjacket?
Has anyone just used reason to alter their behaviour as regards drink or drugs?
I know that I'm not in control.
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Old 04-10-2018, 07:58 AM
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You seem to be saying youre in control yet out of control.
Im no expert - Im leaning towards youre out of control and rather than pontificating about it you could make up your mind what is best for you.
Plenty of literature and help on here to help you decide. You might well find other groups such as AA helpful or even something as simple as a visit to your doctor.
Ive chosen to leave it alone as it was causing health issues myself - and now - I realise I shouldnt have waited. I wont bore you with the myriad of other troubles drinking caused over the years.
Good luck - I hope you get an answer that assists you.
Regards
Dave 🤠
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Old 04-10-2018, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by ptarmigan View Post
Has anyone just used reason to alter their behavior as regards drink or drugs?

I know that I'm not in control.
That kind of depends on what how you define "reason". Your post is filled with contradicting ideas but that's very common for those of us who are actively addicted still - I did it for years. Some call it the "bargaining" stage - we keep trying to do the impossible - find a way to keep drinking without the consequences.

For me personally, acceptance was the answer. I had to fully and unconditionally accept that there is something different about me that will not allow me to drink alcohol without consequences. There's a lot of different formal ways of doing that via many different recovery methods, but at it's core I firmly believe the first step to getting sober HAS to be taken by the individual and that it is a choice they make to do so. And you can only do that if you are willing to accept that alcohol is simply not an option - ever.
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Old 04-10-2018, 08:54 AM
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Are you married? Do you have children? A partner? Does your drinking affect your relationships with loved ones? Does it ever affect a job? Or dreams? Or goals?

I kinda get when you are saying that you want a drink so you just automatically drink. I mean I do that too. But there is a spot in my mind that speaks to me and tells me that deep down I know it’s wrong. And then there’s another part of me that says I know it’s wrong but I’m still going to do it because that’s what I want to do.

I could sit down and write an essay on the internal bad thoughts of drinking vs the Im going to drink anyways F it thoughts. They actually go pretty deep.

Do you get hangovers? Do you ever feel any guilt about drinking?

Besides getting physically dependent on alcohol I’m pretty sure the rest had to do with our minds. Maybe you need to get in touch with what your mind says to you? The chatter that goes on in your head that tells you things? Do you get that chatter related to other things in your life? The questions I’m asking above are some of the good vs. bad chatter comes up for me. Hope that makes sense.
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:29 AM
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You're not going to be able to think yourself sober.
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Old 04-10-2018, 09:39 AM
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i was at my counselor this morning. i said, "i don't know if i am an alcoholic" because my story doesn't seem as bad as some others on this site.

she said "i don't know for sure, but i know it's not a competition."

agreed. i would say what brought you here is already your answer. the obstacle is the path, no?

the truth is i can do what i want. we all can. our mind might say "a cold beer would be great at this baseball game!" or "i am just going to have two glasses of wine" with dinner.

but for a lot of us...as for you...it doesn't just stop there does it?

here is what you wrote:

"In my mind I have plenty of control. But then for instance I've been completely sober for a while and then I'm going on a train and then that same mind - me - decides to go and buy some of those vodka and coke cans for the journey, and then that's a week or two of heavy drinking commenced."

Instead of thinking whether or not your thinking aligns with all of ours...Think about the last time you went on two weeks of heavy drinking. How do you feel after its over? What happens to yourself during those two weeks? Do you like who you are? Do you like how you treat yourself and others?

you see, none of our minds are exactly alike. but i know we are all at this website to become better than we are now. to find our best selves.

maybe that is why you are here too.
if so, people here can help you get there.
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Old 04-10-2018, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by JoyfulNewMe View Post
Are you married? Do you have children? A partner? Does your drinking affect your relationships with loved ones? Does it ever affect a job? Or dreams? Or goals?

I kinda get when you are saying that you want a drink so you just automatically drink. I mean I do that too. But there is a spot in my mind that speaks to me and tells me that deep down I know it’s wrong. And then there’s another part of me that says I know it’s wrong but I’m still going to do it because that’s what I want to do.

I could sit down and write an essay on the internal bad thoughts of drinking vs the Im going to drink anyways F it thoughts. They actually go pretty deep.

Do you get hangovers? Do you ever feel any guilt about drinking?

Besides getting physically dependent on alcohol I’m pretty sure the rest had to do with our minds. Maybe you need to get in touch with what your mind says to you? The chatter that goes on in your head that tells you things? Do you get that chatter related to other things in your life? The questions I’m asking above are some of the good vs. bad chatter comes up for me. Hope that makes sense.
I love this post. Joyful, you've expressed it better than I could about the part of you that just needs to drink. You know it's wrong, but then you do it anyway.
What's also interesting is about the chatter in the head. We think that's what we all share. When you're asking how it relates to other things, what do you mean? Are you kind of thinking about being a personality type? I'd really like you to come back and explain a bit more.

Also to add on in answer to your questions, I live on my own now, so no responsibilities to anyone else. I have my own home but work as little as I can.
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Old 04-10-2018, 03:48 PM
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The greatest lie I was ever sold was that I needed to drink.

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Old 04-10-2018, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by ptarmigan View Post
Do you have a higher and lower self for instance?
Yep. And it took a long time to start believing what my higher self was saying, but in the end, higher self was right.

As for the other, I also once felt that my drinking was reflexive; after alcohol was completely removed as an option, I found that my reflexes adapted.
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Old 04-10-2018, 10:00 PM
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How much control do you have over the SECOND drink? And the third?
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