Hello all. I relapsed. Feeling pretty bad.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t give anyone, nor any circumstance the power to give me permission to drink. Even after 11 month I still am here nearly daily, lurking if nothing else. I know I need to be reminded regularly of my proper mindset to stay sober. It would be entirely to easy to relapse without a regular reminder.
Stay strong....be here!
Stay strong....be here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by SimplyFree 
I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t give anyone, nor any circumstance the power to give me permission to drink. Even after 11 month I still am here nearly daily, lurking if nothing else. I know I need to be reminded regularly of my proper mindset to stay sober. It would be entirely to easy to relapse without a regular reminder.
Stay strong....be here!
Stay strong....be here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Thanks all.
Honestly, I am in not doing well right now. I woke up in a cold sweat, in near sheer terror. Worried about my business imploding. Worrried I will let my kids down. Worried I will lose my wife. My stomach is doing backflips. I am miserable.
I am haunted by this vision. About 12 years ago I met a person in my line of work. We worked on a project together. At times I could smell the liquor on him. He was plainly an alcoholic. His career was in a shambles. I saw him a couple of years ago in a bar, popular among those in my line of work. He looked like hell. He was ordering a drink, by himself. We made eye contact but didn’t say anything to each other. If I do not get sober that will be me, if not worse. And not just abstinent, but sober.
The thing that makes me so mad at myself is that I felt great when I was not drinking. And I had gotten a sponsor and was going to give AA my best. Then one night, I began the bender.
My wife was terribly disappointed. She said I was like a child, who left unattended gets myself in trouble. That is NOT how I want to be seen, by anyone, much less a loved one. Not her. The other night she told me that my drinking was embarrassing for her and my children.
I guess in many ways I have hit bottom. I will just take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. It’s all I can do. I do want this life anymore. I am done with it. I just need to get through the day and not succumb to my addiction. I reached out to the guy who was willing to sponsor me. I’ll meet with him this evening. Then I’ll hit an AA meeting.
I just have to get through today.
Honestly, I am in not doing well right now. I woke up in a cold sweat, in near sheer terror. Worried about my business imploding. Worrried I will let my kids down. Worried I will lose my wife. My stomach is doing backflips. I am miserable.
I am haunted by this vision. About 12 years ago I met a person in my line of work. We worked on a project together. At times I could smell the liquor on him. He was plainly an alcoholic. His career was in a shambles. I saw him a couple of years ago in a bar, popular among those in my line of work. He looked like hell. He was ordering a drink, by himself. We made eye contact but didn’t say anything to each other. If I do not get sober that will be me, if not worse. And not just abstinent, but sober.
The thing that makes me so mad at myself is that I felt great when I was not drinking. And I had gotten a sponsor and was going to give AA my best. Then one night, I began the bender.
My wife was terribly disappointed. She said I was like a child, who left unattended gets myself in trouble. That is NOT how I want to be seen, by anyone, much less a loved one. Not her. The other night she told me that my drinking was embarrassing for her and my children.
I guess in many ways I have hit bottom. I will just take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. It’s all I can do. I do want this life anymore. I am done with it. I just need to get through the day and not succumb to my addiction. I reached out to the guy who was willing to sponsor me. I’ll meet with him this evening. Then I’ll hit an AA meeting.
I just have to get through today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
A minute at a time. Hour at a time. Day at a time.
First things first - get sober. Stay sober. Work in recovery. The rest can be dealt with later. You can do this, as long as you don't complicate things by trying to solve all of your problems in one day.
BB
First things first - get sober. Stay sober. Work in recovery. The rest can be dealt with later. You can do this, as long as you don't complicate things by trying to solve all of your problems in one day.
BB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
berrybeans advice is gold. You didn't end up in you are in one week, and you're not going to bound out of this in a week either...
but you can be a significant distance away from where you are now in just a few weeks with some hard work and dedication
it's your choice, bro...more of this...or real, lasting change
but you can be a significant distance away from where you are now in just a few weeks with some hard work and dedication
it's your choice, bro...more of this...or real, lasting change
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Sometimes you do things to know not to do them.
Trail and error.
It definitely does not work the drinking way.
We’ve all proved this.
‘Beer in brains out’
Pick your chin up, get a plan and do this thing.
It is entirely possible and within reach.
We’re all routing for you.
Trail and error.
It definitely does not work the drinking way.
We’ve all proved this.
‘Beer in brains out’
Pick your chin up, get a plan and do this thing.
It is entirely possible and within reach.
We’re all routing for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it might help to print this out and put it where you can see it often. it was one of a few things i had put up in different areas of my home:
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
January 6
AA Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it God cannot give me this power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
January 6
AA Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it God cannot give me this power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
Hey Horn - rooting for ya I! You can do this. I too have to learn that I cannot do ONE single drink. Not even a sip. It opens the floodgates WIDE open. It’s so hard to log a ton of sober days and then fall and feel like you’ve lost it all. Let’s start logging sober days again, ok??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Behappy1
Hey Horn - rooting for ya I! You can do this. I too have to learn that I cannot do ONE single drink. Not even a sip. It opens the floodgates WIDE open. It’s so hard to log a ton of sober days and then fall and feel like you’ve lost it all. Let’s start logging sober days again, ok??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Horn95
\This nausea is really getting to me though. And of course, the only thing makes it stop is you know what.
which ya already know thats the only thing that makes it stop,right?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Horn, getting through sober hours is fine. You know it will get better. I think it might be good that your wife told you how your drinking makes her feel. Stay on track today and you will be closer to being the person that you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
Alcohol is a legal drug and is addictive. You reactivated the addiction when you took the first drink, something I have done close to 100 times. We never know if we will make it back. I put in significant work to have 9 days today. It wasn’t easy. I hope you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Horn,
just wanted to say we are pulling for you. I know you are mad at and disappointed with yourself, but use that as motivation rather than let it derail you. You sound determined to make a change, finally, and you have the power to do it.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
just wanted to say we are pulling for you. I know you are mad at and disappointed with yourself, but use that as motivation rather than let it derail you. You sound determined to make a change, finally, and you have the power to do it.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by tealily
Horn,
just wanted to say we are pulling for you. I know you are mad at and disappointed with yourself, but use that as motivation rather than let it derail you. You sound determined to make a change, finally, and you have the power to do it.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
just wanted to say we are pulling for you. I know you are mad at and disappointed with yourself, but use that as motivation rather than let it derail you. You sound determined to make a change, finally, and you have the power to do it.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Stay on course and the day after that will be a better day.
And the day after that will be a better day.
And the day after that will be a better day.........
Until your whole world is filled with the right things to make you well again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by Horn95
Thanks so much for the encouragement. At this point I am thinking about sober hours!�� This nausea is really getting to me though. And of course, the only thing makes it stop is you know what. I hate this vicious loop I am in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
In six hours it’ll have been 24 hours since my last drink. Meeting with my sponsor at bit before my AA meeting. Did a cardio workout. Helped a bit.
The nausea comes and goes. Anxiety is bad. Mind will not stop with the negative thoughts.
I apologized yet again to my wife. I promised her I would put my all into quitting. She was supportive, but I can tell she is, with good reason, highly skeptical of me kicking this thing.
At my last AA meeting, someone said something that really stuck with me. “No one goes into AA on a winning streak.” I want so badly to feel well again. And a full night’s sleep seems like I have not in a very, very long time.
Thankfully I am not having tremors. At least bad ones.
The nausea comes and goes. Anxiety is bad. Mind will not stop with the negative thoughts.
I apologized yet again to my wife. I promised her I would put my all into quitting. She was supportive, but I can tell she is, with good reason, highly skeptical of me kicking this thing.
At my last AA meeting, someone said something that really stuck with me. “No one goes into AA on a winning streak.” I want so badly to feel well again. And a full night’s sleep seems like I have not in a very, very long time.
Thankfully I am not having tremors. At least bad ones.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 149
Hi Horn,
I am up can not sleep , 16 days sober and the cravings are still there, I am going to meetings they are helping , I have learned there that people relapse , you sound so contrite so just start a new day of sobriety and try and learn what made you relapse , you can learn from it. All the best , I only have 16 days sober so I shouldn't be giving advice but I think having compassion for someone who has the same problems as myself can help.
God Bless you,
Bunchie
I am up can not sleep , 16 days sober and the cravings are still there, I am going to meetings they are helping , I have learned there that people relapse , you sound so contrite so just start a new day of sobriety and try and learn what made you relapse , you can learn from it. All the best , I only have 16 days sober so I shouldn't be giving advice but I think having compassion for someone who has the same problems as myself can help.
God Bless you,
Bunchie
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