Rough day for a couple of reasons

Old 02-21-2018, 04:20 PM
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Rough day for a couple of reasons

The good news is that I haven't had a drink even though I really wanted to.

I went back to work today after being off of work for a couple of weeks due to surgery. The first 90 minutes of my day was people coming in with complaints (I am a manager). It is like they stored everything up for me to come back and just deluge me with their anger. After that I thought "that's it I am drinking tonight."

Then someone came by actually and told me his brother (who was in his 60's) died of liver cancer due to alcoholism. That scared the crap out of me and I thought "that's it, I am not drinking tonight."

So, I am not drinking tonight. But I feel guilty about something else and guilt was something that often led me to drink. I am supposed to walk an hour a day as part of my recovery from surgery but I only got in 32 minutes today. And, now that has me worried because I am very tired from actually being out of the house at work and just want to rest.

Ugh. I hate this and I also hope that someday my first reaction to difficult interactions is to NOT think "that's it, I am drinking today."

Hoping others have had a good day. It's a struggle. I just keep thinking that one day my thought patterns will change and I hope it is soon because so far I haven't given in (although some of you know I have given in many times in the past) and I really don't want to. I want to have a sober life. Enough is enough and I've done enough drinking for most of the state I live in.
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Old 02-21-2018, 04:24 PM
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Your thought patterns will change and your mind will come up with healthy alternatives to 'that's it, I'm drinking tonight'. Please be easy on yourself. You've just had surgery and are still healing by the sound of it, so take care. You only walked for 32 minutes instead of an hour, but you did get out there. Tomorrow you can do more.
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Old 02-21-2018, 04:29 PM
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It will. It really, really will. Just persevere and cut yourself some slack. Tomorrow is a new day. Even if you only walk 47 minutes, you did something. Look at your positives! You have to change how you view everything, especially you! It gets easier and it gets so much better.
Take care.
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Old 02-21-2018, 04:30 PM
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Good for you for not drinking!

I'm also a manager and find that dealing with all problems can be mentally exhausting. I finally learned that drinking made it worse.
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Old 02-21-2018, 04:34 PM
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I've set myself an exercise target each day Chow - sometimes I don't make that target, sometimes I go over it, if I'm feeling good.

Its good to be kind to myself and to listen to my body. I wouldn't waste time feeling guilty - sounds like it was a rough day.

I reckon maybe your workmates did store up a few complaints but maybe that did that cos they know you're a good manager and you'll listen to them and get things done?

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Old 02-21-2018, 05:16 PM
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Lets think about this a little differently:

Its your first day back to work after a surgery.

30 minutes of walking is great. An hour is the goal but 30 minutes is wonderful.

It is okay if you dont make the full hour every single day. Guilt is not helpful when you are still recovering from a surgery.

Another positive is that you are not drinking.

I say, you are killing it today! Keep up the awesome work. Have a restful guilt free night.
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Old 02-21-2018, 05:48 PM
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Not drinking is super.
Walking 30 minutes is pretty darn good, especially if it isn’t something you have been doing regularly.
I walk all the time. Trust me, 30 minutes is great.
You could break it up.
Maybe walk at lunchtime and after work?
Also, I listen to podcasts. Stuff you should know is a good one, and if you would like a recovery podcast, Since Right Now is terrific.
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Old 02-21-2018, 06:13 PM
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Hi chowchow. After a lifetime of thinking alcohol would help me cope with troubles, it took a while to get rid of the temptation. Even though it never once helped me actually feel better or resolve a problem, I kept clinging to the idea that it would. Today, it never crosses my mind. I never thought I'd stop relying on it - but I have - and you will, too. You're doing great.
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Old 02-21-2018, 07:34 PM
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It gets better. It really does.
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Old 02-21-2018, 11:53 PM
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Hey Chowchow,

Think of recovery as changing habits in small increments. As you "fix" your thinking you develop skills to deal with life with a different perspective. Think of it like preparing for a marathon. You can't be living a sedentary lifestyle for twenty years. Then get off the couch and run 15 miles daily. You start by walking around the block daily, then jogging around the block. Next you are running a mile and soon 5 miles. You need to train yourself over and over. That's why using a program of recovery helps. They have a structured plan that helps us see ourselves through objective eyes. We can objectively see what "defects" we need to change or fix. Join a recovery group such as SMART or AA. You won't be disappointed with the outcome if you do all the tough work they ask of you.

Good luck
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