chowchow

The good news is that I haven't had a drink even though I really wanted to.

I went back to work today after being off of work for a couple of weeks due to surgery. The first 90 minutes of my day was people coming in with complaints (I am a manager). It is like they stored everything up for me to come back and just deluge me with their anger. After that I thought "that's it I am drinking tonight."

Then someone came by actually and told me his brother (who was in his 60's) died of liver cancer due to alcoholism. That scared the crap out of me and I thought "that's it, I am not drinking tonight."

So, I am not drinking tonight. But I feel guilty about something else and guilt was something that often led me to drink. I am supposed to walk an hour a day as part of my recovery from surgery but I only got in 32 minutes today. And, now that has me worried because I am very tired from actually being out of the house at work and just want to rest.

Ugh. I hate this and I also hope that someday my first reaction to difficult interactions is to NOT think "that's it, I am drinking today."

Hoping others have had a good day. It's a struggle. I just keep thinking that one day my thought patterns will change and I hope it is soon because so far I haven't given in (although some of you know I have given in many times in the past) and I really don't want to. I want to have a sober life. Enough is enough and I've done enough drinking for most of the state I live in.